I Can't Fix Myself
by Darth Caedus vs Darth Revan
Summary: A broken Bucky Barnes aka Winter Solider need to be fixed so Tony Starks apprentice Cara try to fix him. Can she fix Bucky by putting him back together or will both Bucky and Cara be broken together.


I Can't Fix Myself

"THAT'S IT. I'M DONE!" I scream, marching into the smoking lab. Tony's head pops up from behind a lab table, his hair blown every which way from the small explosion the two lab rats had just made.  
"What?" He asks, coughing.  
"That is the third prototype you two have ruined! Tony, you said it yourself that I need to finish it, and with Steve and Nat back from washington, Thor back from Asgard, and Clint back from who knows where, it's too crowded! I can't concentrate!" Tony blinks, and Bruce coughs awkwardly from the back of the room where he had been able to take cover. "I need a quiet place to work, and that obviously isn't here."  
"Malibu?" Tony says suddenly, standing up and brushing the soot off himself with another cough. I pause, not quite understanding.  
"What?"  
"Malibu. The house isn't exactly occupied at the moment. You can just fly over there and finish your prototype." I stop, taken slightly aback. It wasn't a bad idea. I didn't really need Tony's help with much anymore.  
"Okay."  
And that's basically how I ended up here, on Tony's private jet, on my way to his Malibu mansion for the next month. Tony found out about me about three years ago while judging a mechanics contest. I was one of three girls there, and the only one who didn't give a crap about how interested he was in me, just my project. I had been nineteen then. After I won, Tony offered me the chance of a lifetime really. I would study mechanics under him, learn as much as I could. Now, three years later, I was still by his side. At least he stopped treating me like an assistant. He said I was, and quote, "The annoying mosquito" in his side. As annoying as he was, he was pretty brilliant.  
On top of that, Rhodey, Tony's friend in the military, began to help me out too. Back when Stark Industries still made weapons, I insisted on learning how to shoot. I've found that I have an apparent talent for being a sniper. It was pretty cool, and I found that shooting calmed me, as creepy as it was.  
Now, it wasn't that the Avengers annoyed me, it was the fact that there was so much noise. I didn't mind it right after the whole New York battle, because both Steve and Nat went away to Washington, Clint disappeared, and Thor took his brother back to Asgard. But now they were all back, and there wasn't enough Tylenol in the world to help the constant headache I had.  
"We're about to land Miss Cara." I pull out my headphones at Jarvis's announcement. It had been a long flight, and I would be glad to go to bed the second I got to the mansion. My room hadn't been touched since we left, meaning it should still be relatively clean. I crack my neck before turning to look out the window with a large stretch. Malibu still looked like Malibu. Dirty, grimy, home.  
We land, and I'm quickly shown to a car. The driver stayed quiet. I was honestly surprised that Tony was letting me stay in Malibu alone. I knew he liked to keep me somewhat close so I could help him, and he could help me when we needed it. He must've seen that I really was at the end of my rope. "Thanks Devin." I say, getting out of the car as we pulled up to the house, single suitcase in hand. I had a good amount of stuff both here and at the tower. Tony really didn't care what I did with the credit card he gave me. I tried not to be too greedy though.  
The door unlocks as the cameras scan my face, facial recognition unlocking the house for me. I go down the small hallway before it opens into the much larger living room. I let my suitcase fall over, and I collapse onto the couch.  
"Home sweet freaking hom-" I stop. There was a man in here, calmly sitting at one of the barstools. I pull myself upright slowly, keeping my eyes on him. Something wasn't right. His long, greasy brown hair was dangling in front of his face, hiding it from me. He was in a tank top, and one of his arms... glinted in the light. Metal.  
"Crap." I say it out loud, not knowing what else to do. Steve had shown me this guys picture after he had gotten back. This was the Winter soldier. Then he moves. His head tilts towards me, and I see a flash of brown eyes. He was watching me. His eyes dart towards his metal arm, and I follow. That's when I notice it. The wires spilling from the side, the fingers in a half bent position, stuck.  
"I didn't know how to fix it."

"I didn't know how to fix it." His voice is rough, his entire body frozen still. I slowly stand, trying to think of anything that would help me in this situation. Instead, I spat out a phrase that would probably kill me instead.  
"That seems like a personal problem." Yay sarcasm. I knew it would kill me someday. His gaze cuts up to mine, and I see his real hand curl into a fist.  
"I was expecting Tony Stark." He says, his voice unwavering.  
"Said every one of his one night stands ever." I mutter. I take a few steps forward, being the apparent suicidal idiot I was, and he tenses even more if it was possible. "Okay, sorry. I'll stay here." I say when his eyes turn dangerous. "You wanted Tony to fix your arm? Why come here? Why not go to New York where, you know, Tony actually is?"  
"I was told his jet was landing here." He was so emotionless. So cold.  
"His jet did land here." I say tentatively. "I was on it. I'm staying here. I'm his prodigy. I study under him. Kind of." My eyebrows furrow. "Well, it's mostly just I do my stuff he does his stuff now. I just live here."  
"I need Tony Stark. Not an invalid." Anger strikes through me at his monotone voice.  
"Invalid? INVALID?" I screech, walking forward. "Excuse me? Invalid? You're as much of an invalid as I am!" I poke his chest, and the expression on his face is a mixture of anger and confusion. "You have your prosthetic and I have mine! You're missing your arm, I'm missing my leg! You know what? Any help you might have gotten from me just disappeared. The front door is right over there. Get. Out." He's taken slightly aback from my anger, I can tell from the way he hasn't attacked me. "Now."  
He slowly stands, and I realize he's about ten inches taller than me. Steve did say he was a super soldier like him. "You could fix my arm." It's another statement. Not a question.  
"Yeah, I probably could've. I'm as good as Tony, if not better." I say, not backing down. "But that doesn't matter now."  
"I want you to fix me."  
"No." I say, placing my hands on my hips. "You insulted me. You lost your chance. Goodbye." He frowns, the lines on his face becoming more prominent. The stubbly beard he's got isn't helping either.  
"I..." He starts to say something, but his mouth snaps shut. I raise my eyebrow.  
"I said get out not keep talking." I say, narrowing my eyes.  
"I need you to fix me, or else I'll be forced to kill you." I hear a click, and I glance down to see a handgun aimed at my midsection.  
"Well. It seems we have a disagreement." I reply, looking him in his cold eyes. I'm going to die because I can't shut up. He doesn't speak back, and I sigh. "I'll help you on one condition." I relent. I didn't want to die. Not really. "Apologize." He narrows his eyes. "Also stop pointing a gun at me. So, really two conditions."  
He stares me down, his emotionless eyes searching mine, as if waiting for me to cry and beg for him not to kill me. Not. Gonna. Happen. I hear another click, and I look down to see him slowly lowering the gun. Nothing happens for several seconds. "I'm waiting for my apology." I say, looking down at my nails. "Nothing happens until you say you're sorry." Another few seconds pass, and I tap my real foot against the floor. Que hands on hips.  
"I..." He trails off, and I look at him expectantly, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sorry." He says, and his tone sounds forced. Oh well. That would have to do.  
"Okay. Good." I say, nodding and looking around. I start walking back towards the couch to grab my bag. "Alright, I'll have to look at your arm down in the-" My sentence is cut off by my phone going off, blasting 'Shut up and Dance'. I answer it instinctively, not thinking. "Cara."  
"Hey Cara. It's the man you've been thinking about." Tony answers back. Some thing wraps around my arm, squeezing it painfully. I turn to See the Winter Soldier glaring at me.  
"Matt Smith? Oh my gosh how did you get my number? Where did your accent go?" I answer back, sarcasm still coming out. I mouth the word 'ow' at Winter, but he doesn't release me, glare hard.  
"Ha ha. No. It's Tony."  
"No, really? Tony? I wouldn't have guessed." The grip on my arm tightens, and I turn to glare right back.  
"Yeah, hey. So, I saw that you got to the mansion, and Pepper made me check up on you. Something to do with safety or something. Anyway, I was, and I noticed Jarvis isn't online there." He keeps blabbing, and I cover the mic with my free hand.  
"You turned Jarvis off?" I whisper/hiss. "Not cool. And let go, you're hurting me." I uncover the phone, and I feel the grip on my arm relax slightly. Not enough to let me go, but enough that it didn't hurt. I catch the tail end of Tony's sentence.  
"-back on."  
"I'm sorry, I got distracted. What?" I spit out an excuse.  
"I just need you to turn Jarvis back on. Pretty simple. I'll text you the details."  
"Will do. I'm not going to promise that I won't get distracted though." I say, flexing the fingers on the hand that he still had ahold of.  
"Pepper says not to let any strange men in the house." He says, and I can tell he's distracted.  
"No strange men. Got it." I say, giving Winter a pointed look. His glare doesn't waver. "Tell Pepper I'll talk to her later. Oh, and tell Thor I hid his box of poptarts on top of the fridge. That's what he gets for destroying my laptop."  
"Yeah got it. Bye." I'm about to protest, but Tony hangs up. I sigh and click my phone off.  
"Will you let go now? My gosh, I wasn't going to say anything." He slowly releases me. "Wow. For an old guy you have a really strong grip." He doesn't reply, and I sigh. "If this is how every conversation is going to go, then we're going to have a problem.

"Okay, first problem." I say, clapping my hands together. "Does your arm come off?" He gives me a blank look as a response, and I sigh. "I'm going to take that as an I don't know." I had been able to put my suitcase in my room before I showed the soldier down to the lab, flicking on all the lights. I wanted to get a look at how extensive the damage on his arm was before turning on Jarvis. I would have to make sure Jarvis didn't say anything about my new, apparently now mute friend.  
I roll my chair around the worktable, motioning for the assassin to sit on the stool in front of me. He does so after a second. When I reach towards the metal prosthetic, he tenses. "Cool down. I'm just checking the damage." I say. I see the warped and bent metal, the wires spilling out. "Can you lift your arm at all?" There's a second before the response comes.  
"No." It's short and to the point, but at least he talked. I nod in response, reaching for the metal shoulder, the red star painted on the side. He jerks back as my fingers come in contact with the top of his shirt. "What are you doing?"  
"I need to see how this arm is attached. I don't do that, and there's no way your arm is going to get fixed. You can either take off your shirt and I don't have to mess with it, which you'll probably have to do later anyway, or you can roll back your sleeve. Either way, I need to see your arm, understood?" A long pause happens before he nods, tugging the sleeve back with his real hand. "Thank you." I mutter. I frown when I see it. The metal... It looks as if it was fused directly onto the skin. The skin on the outside shows the angry red scar, and the metal almost looks as it goes on for another few centimeters under the skin. It takes everything in me not to look horrified. It went on a little more, past where he had the sleeve pulled, but I didn't need to see it. "That's... that's not coming off anytime soon."  
"You can fix it." He says again. I glance up.  
"I'm beginning to think you want me to fix it immediately and leave. Let me tell you something. This?" I gesture to his arm. "This is going to take a couple weeks." I roll my stool back before slowly getting up, stretching. "And I'm not going to start until tomorrow. I've been traveling all day, and I'm slightly exahsted. On top of that, I need to go fix Jarvis." I start to walk away. He grabs my arm.  
"You said-"  
"I'm not going back on what I said. I'm going to help you. But my life does not revolve around you."I sigh when he gets quiet again. "Look, you don't have to be quiet when you're around me. It's not like I'm rushing out to tell people where you are. If I wanted to, it wouldn't be that hard with Captain America on my speed dial."  
"You won't? You live with the avengers, yet you're not going to tell them about me?" It was the most I'd heard him say all at once.  
"I really won't. From what I've heard about you, a lot of what you did wasn't your fault. And I'm betting even if you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't within a few weeks. Steve said something about you losing your memory." He looks down at his unmoving metal fingers, long brown hair shrouding his face. "You're welcome to stay in one of the spare rooms until I finish your arm. After that... Well, we can go from there." He nods.  
I give him one more glance before I turn to leave the lab, walking up the stairs. I wasn't lying, I really wanted to help the guy. He really hadn't known what he was doing. I could see it in his eyes, in the way he held himself. I pause on the steps, glancing back into the lab before it was completely out of sight. He was still just siting there, staring at his arm, thinking. Maybe I could help him in more ways than one.i climb the rest of the way up the stairs before I walk outside to where the main server for Jarvis was located.  
"You SHOT Jarvis?!"

"No Tony, I had to order a bunch of wiring." I say into the phone, frowning at the sleeping figure on the couch. I had shown him a spare room he could stay in, but I found him out here. It was two am, and he looked pretty uncomfortable. Not like I could move him though. He was huge. I thought he'd be a light sleeper, but he looked pretty far gone. Different than my insomnia. "I told you. That wind storm must have launched some rocks at it. I ordered extra because I don't want to have to wait if it happens again." I lied smoothly. I had ordered the extra wiring in case I needed it for the Soldiers arm. "Alright. See ya." I hang up and shove my phone in my pocket with a sigh.  
After looking around for a few minutes after I had first come back upstairs, I had realized that the only clothes he had were the ones he was wearing. A black tank top and a pair of jeans weren't much. It made me wonder what had happened to the rest of his clothes. There had to have been more. But there wasn't. Not at the moment anyway. When I had ordered the wiring, I guessed a size for him and ordered a few shirts and pants.  
I walk upstairs to the spare room I had shown him and grabbed the blanket off the bed, bringing it downstairs. If he was going to force himself to be uncomfortable, I was going to at least make sure he wasn't cold. I throw it over him, slightly surprised when he still didn't at least stir. This must be the first chance he's had to sleep for a while.  
I walk down to the workshop, pulling up the scans I had made of his arm earlier. I had my own private server that Tony couldn't get on, and I kept a lot of things in it. In case he ever did, I had all of my files under random names. For example, these blueprints were under 'The history of woman rights'. Tony was all for women rights, but I highly doubted he would be looking in this file anytime soon.  
I'm not sure how long I'm looking over the scans, zooming in and checking different parts. It was... all of this was highly advanced technology. Some parts of it would definitely be trickier than others, but I think I could do it. The biggest problem was the fact that it wouldn't come off. I was pretty sure they had hooked it straight to the bone. At least it wasn't damaged that far up. Now if only I could figure out what had damaged it, I would be golden. It wasn't necessary, but I was curious.  
When my stomach started growling around six, I frowned but closed the blueprints. The stomach wants what the stomach wants I guess. I turn on the swivel chair and jump a little when I realize the Soldier was about two feet behind me. "What the heck? Don't you make noise? I thought you were asleep." I say, standing up and stretching, my back cracking loudly. "How long have you been there?"  
"Was that my arm?" He asks. I turn a little, glance back at the desk.  
"Hm? Oh yeah. It was. I was looking over the scans I made of it earlier." I say, tapping a few buttons and pulling it back up. "I was trying to see if I could fix any major problems first." He glances over at it, his head tilting slightly as he examined it.  
"What's that?" He asks, pointing to a blob on the hologram. I frown and zoom in on it.  
"It's a bunch of internal wiring wrapped around something." I murmur. "It doesn't look connected to anything. I'm not quite sure..." I zoom in a little more, but shake my head. "I'll have to get in your arm. It must be shrapnel or something." I say, resting a hand on my hip as I turn back towards him. "I'll see if I can get a closer look later today, but right now I'm hungry. The cereal upstairs is calling my name."  
I brush past him, heading for the stairs. I have a strong feeling if I hadn't left the door open he would've just shot the glass to get in. At least then I wouldn't have been surprised when I had turned around. "You coming?" I ask when I get to the bottom of the stairs. After a second, he follows.  
"I can't cook well. I normally just order stuff in or go out." I say, pouring Lucky Charms into two bowls. I turn, opening the fridge and grabbing milk. "Can you cook?" I ask, pouring the milk into the bowls, grabbing spoons out of the drawer. I plop them into the bowls and slide one over towards him.  
"I don't know." He says quietly, turning the spoon in the bowl a few times. I lift a big scoop of cereal to my mouth, chewing and nodding.  
"Okay." I say after I swallow. "What should I call you? I can't keep calling you Soldier." I take another big bite, waiting for him to answer. It takes him a while, a few bites of cereal.  
"I don't know." He says again quietly. After a second I nod again, carefully putting my spoon down.  
"Fair enough." I say quietly. "Do you have anything you want me to call you?" He frowns, still stirring the cereal. He had only taken one bite. "I mean, if you can't think of anything I know I can pull up your full name. If you want to know." After a second he nods, and I slide my phone out of my pocket, looking up the Smithsonian website, clicking on the Captain America exhibit page.  
"Did you find it?" I glance up to see him staring at the phone curiously. I crack a smile.  
"James Buchanan Barnes." I say.  
"Bucky." He says quietly. I look up and nod.  
"Steve said that was what he called you. It was your nickname." I say, remembering the little he had told me. "Personally I like James better. But that's just me." He sits quietly. "Anyway, you should think about it. Also eat. I don't care if you're some weird half robot thing you still need food." I look back down at my own cereal, taking a large bite. After a second, he does too.  
"Call me James." He says hesitantly.  
"But what if I want to call you Bucky?" I ask, being my usual difficult self.  
"Then call me Bucky."  
"And what if I want to call you my giant Teddy bear of Cuddles and Sparkles?"  
"No."

"Don't move. I've almost got it." I murmur quietly, maneuvering the tweezers around a wire. I curse when I go to grab the small piece of... well, something, and it slides deeper in.  
"What?" James twists his head, trying to see what I had done, and I smack his shoulder.  
"Don't move!" I exclaim, glaring at him. He blinks, simply staring at me, and it takes me a moment to realize that I just hit the worlds deadliest assassin. "When I tell you not to move, you don't move. It could get whatever this is lodged in something important." I explain with a sigh. He nods, and I lift his arm back up, grabbing a tiny flashlight so I could see inside better. I had been trying to get whatever this was out or an hour now. I click on the flashlight and hold it with my teeth so that I can use both my hands to work.  
The small piece of something is stuck behind a gear. I'm just thankful that it's not in the gear. That would've been disastrous in more ways than one. I have to grab another pair of tweezers to move a wire and hold it out of the way while I wiggle the thing free. I carefully take it out of the arm and sit up.  
"What in the world….?" I trail off. I had been lying down on three stools so that I could look up into his arm. I recognized the shrapnel now. Years of working with Tony on weapons had educated me to recognize all different types of weapon material. I turn to look at James with worry. "This is part of a bomb casing." I say with a frown. He nods. "You shouldn't have been this close to a bomb. Not to be in as good of shape as you are."  
"Shrapnel flies." He responds quietly. I shake my head.  
"Not to do this sort of damage to your arm. When I scanned it, the computer said that this metal," I tap the outer casing of his arm, "is mixed with vibranium. You'd have to be standing extremely close to a very powerful bomb to do this." It's quiet for a moment.  
"Can you start fixing it now that the shrapnel is out?" I sigh in frustration, and I go to say something before thinking better of it, simply nodding and lying back down on the chairs again.

"I didn't know that the doorbell ringing meant you needed to draw a gun." I say, hopping off the barstool I was sitting at and heading towards the door. I honestly hadn't expected a reaction like that. The doorbell had just rung, and in under a five seconds James had his handgun leveled at the center of the door.  
"Who is it." It's more of a command to answer than a question, and I roll my eyes, walking in front of the gun.  
"Either the pizza guy or the UPS guy. Either way they don't need to be traumatized, so put the gun down." He glares at me, not budging. "Fine." I sigh. "If you're going to have a gun aimed at them then at least go somewhere they can't see you. After a second he slowly stands and moves towards the staircase. "Thank you."  
I open the door, and sure enough, it's just the pizza guy. "That'll be twenty four dollars and fourteen cents." He says, holding the boxes. I nod, digging through my wallet and pulling out twenty five.  
"Keep the change." I say after he hands me the boxes, quickly shutting the door after he nods thank you. I turn, pizza boxes in hand, and my eyes travel around the room. I frown when I don't see James anywhere. I walk over and set the pizza on the coffee table before walking towards the stairs. I had seen him walk this way...  
"James?" I call out, my eyebrows furrowing when I don't see him. "How far can you get with one arm?" I mutter, thinking aloud. I turn and scream. "James! What the hell?" He frowns and points up. I look to where he was pointing and saw where the ceiling connected with the stairs going up. He had been up in that corner, probably laying on the step from that vantage point. He would've been practically invisible. "Did you just drop from there?" I ask, and he nods. "Wow. That was silent. Like a cat." He frowns.  
"Did you just compare me to a cat?" He asks. After a second, I nod.  
"You really are. You move around all silent like, land on all fours, don't speak, and you're very picky about what you eat. Therefore, you are a cat." He frowns, and I grin. "By the way, you better like pizza. If you don't we will not be getting along." I say, walking around him and towards the couch, plopping down. He follows and looks at the pizza curiously as I flipped open the box.  
"That's pizza?" He asks after a second. I feel my breath catch in my throat and I look up at him.  
"You... You've never had pizza... You've never seen...?" He's confused by my pure shock, and a few seconds later I grab a slice and hold it towards him. "Eat it." He blinks in shock at my sudden command. "Just trust me and eat it." After a second, he takes it from me and gives it a look before taking a bite. I wait and after a second of chewing he turns back towards me.  
"This is... this is really good." He says after a second. I smile widely.  
"Told you so." I say.  
James is reaching for another piece of pizza when the doorbell rings again. His hand jerks to his belt and and his gun is out in a second. I sigh and stand. "Is your gun your response to everything?" I ask, walking towards the door. He keeps the gun leveled. "It's probably just the guy delivering your parts Mr. Roboto." At the song reference he looks at me with confusion. I sigh. "I'll explain it later, just go to your hidey hole again." He nods, and I open the door. It wasn't a delivery man standing there.  
It was Pepper.

"Pepper? What are you doing here?" I ask, surprised. She brushes past me into the house.  
"Tony told me Jarvis was out, so I had to knock. Sorry, I knew you were expecting to have the place to yourself for a while." She says, setting her purse down on the table. "I just need to get some files that were dropped off here for me while Jarvis was still working last week. Then I'll be out of your hair." Her heels click on the floor as she heads towards the bottom of the stairs.  
"Wait, Pepper." I say, quickly shutting the door and coming over to where she had stopped. "Where are you going after this?" I finally spit out. She grimaces.  
"Hong Kong. Ironing out a business deal." She says.  
"I thought you hated them?" I ask, trying to stall.  
"I do, but business is business." She says with a sigh. "Sometimes I wonder if Tony made me CEO just so he doesn't have to deal with any of them." She mutters, and I laugh, nodding.  
"Probably." I agree. "Pep, you look exhausted. Why don't you grab some coffee from the kitchen? I'll go get the files." She hesitates before giving me a grateful smile.  
"They're in my office, right on top of my desk." She says. "Thank you Cara." she adds. I nod before turning and heading up the stairs. I see where James is lying on the stairs, gun trained on Pepper.  
"Do. Not. Shoot. Her." I grind out quietly through my teeth. "If she starts to come up the stairs, hide. Got it?" I ask with a glare. All I get in return is a small nod. "Thank you." I step over him, walking the rest of the way up the stairs. I walk quickly down the long hallway before going into Pepper's personal office. The files were right where they were supposed to be. On the very tippy top of her desk.  
I just didn't know which file she needed. There had to be at least two dozen here. I sigh before shouting. "PEP! WHICH ONE?" I hear a muffled shout back, and I stick my head out the doorway. "WHAT?"  
"Hold on!" She shouts backs. I hear her heels clicking, and the sound get's louder before I realize she's coming up the stairs. James is standing in front of me in second, a spark of panic in his eyes. I glance to my left before jerking open a different door and shoving him door shuts just before Pepper gets to the top of the stairs.  
"Sorry, I should've told you. The files are blue and stamped with..." She trails off, giving me a weird look.  
"What?"  
"Why are you blocking that door?" She asks, pointing.  
"I don't know what you're-" She tries to go for the handle, but I quickly step in front. "Pep, its really nothing." I say quickly.  
"Cara..." I sigh.  
"It's..." I lower my voice to a whisper. "I have a sort of, um, personal friend here." I say quickly. There's only a split second before realization goes over her face.  
"Oh." Then another. "OH." I feel myself blush at the lie, and she steps back turning for her office. "I didn't know you had anyone." She says once we step into her office. The lie comes quickly.  
"We've been talking for a while, but it's only been recently that we've realized we sort of have..." I trail off and gesture. "You know. That stuff."  
"Romantic feelings?" She asks with a laugh, selecting the files.  
"Yeah. That's it." She nods.  
"If I had known I would've called." She says quietly. "You've never had a guy that you brought back to the house before."  
"It's your home Pep, you're fine." I say quickly as we exit.  
"Still." She says. "You thought you'd be alone." She steps into the kitchen, grabbing a travel mug before heading over to the coffee machine. "I need to head out. Hong Kong does not like to be kept waiting." She snaps the lid on her mug before walking towards the living room and snatching her purse up.  
"Hey Pep?" She stops before she reaches the door, and I quickly hug her. "I'm glad I got to see you. You've been at too many meetings." I hear her laugh.  
"I'm glad to see you too Cara." She says before she lets me go. "How's your..." She gestures at my leg.  
"It's as good as it can be, seeing as it's not attached." I say, and she just rolls her eyes with a small smile. "I'm fine Pepper." I say. "No more of those phantom pains. Haven't had them for a long time, and you know it so stop worrying."  
"Good." She says. She goes to say something else, but her phone beeps. She glances at the screen before letting out a sigh. "Duty calls."  
"Have fun." I say, and she sticks her tongue at me before heading towards the car in the driveway. I quietly shut the door before turning to see James right behind me. "Would you stop that?" I ask.  
"Romantic feelings?" He asks. I raise my eyebrows, waiting for what he really wanted to say. After a second he nods. "Good idea. She didn't try to find me after that." I nod.  
"We might as well finish our pizza and wait for the guy to bring your parts." I say, motioning towards the coffee table. He nods. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I ordered some clothes for you. You can't keep wearing those." He glances down, frowning, and I sigh. "You smell like ash and you've been wearing them since you got here. I got you new clothes, and when they com in you're going to take a shower and try them on." His frown gets deeper.  
"No arguments." After a second, he nods. "Good. I'll just have to find a trash bag or something so you don't get the wiring in your arm wet." The doorbell rings. His gun is up in a flash, and I sigh.  
"Would you stop it with the gun!"

I glance towards the scans I had made of James's arm. making sure that the wire I had ahold of was in the right place. "Ma'am, I really must protest." Jarvis says again. I groan and glance towards the ceiling. I had fixed Jarvis yesterday, but only just booted him up right before I had started working on James's arm a little while ago.  
"Jarvis, we're fine. I really don't care how much you protest, I'm still going to fix this arm, and you're still going to stay very hush hush about it." If Jarvis could give a frustrated sigh, he would.  
"But ma'am-"  
"Mute." I cut Jarvis off mid-complaint, and it goes silent. "Man, with you being so quiet all the time I forgot how noisy Jarvis was." I mutter, rolling my chair back towards the desk to look over some wire.  
"He wanted you to tell them about me." He says quietly. I nod absentmindedly, finding the grouping of wires I needed. "Even the computer thinks I'm dangerous." I shrug, rolling on my chair back over.  
"It's a computer. It only knows what it's told. It doesn't know how real people act or feel." I snatch a pair of tweezers and a small blowtorch off the tiny movable table next to me.  
"Sounds like me." I look up at that, confused. "I'm a person. I don't know who I am or how to act or feel." I purse my lips, glancing down at the wires in my hands.  
"That isn't your fault. That's Hydra's fault. You'll get your memories back I'm sure. Nothing can permanently wipe away the real you, no matter how hard it tries." I crane my neck around, looking inside his arm.  
"Rebecca." I pause in my work.  
"What?"  
"I... I knew someone named Rebecca." He says after a second. I sit upright and reach over, grabbing my tablet. I do a quick search before finally looking up at James.  
"You had a sister named Rebecca." I say after a second. "It says here you were separated after your parents died." He frowns, and I hold out the tablet. "It has the stuff from the Smithsonian database on it about you." After another moment he takes it with his free hand, setting it against a different table to hold it upright. He begins to read, and I continue to work on his arm.  
"I think this gear is bent." I mutter, mostly to myself.  
"What were your parents like?" He asks suddenly. I look up sharply.  
"Why?"  
"It says here that my parents died. I don't... I don't remember..." I swallow, carefully setting the tools on the small table and leaning back. Over his shoulder, I could see black and white photographs on the tablet.  
"My mom was... well, she was amazing." I say. "She taught me how to do my hair, how to study, how to be a good person. She taught me how to love and how life worked. She... she died. Got run off the road by a drunk driver. No chance of survival." I quickly grab a wrench and look back into his arm, focusing on the gear. He stays mostly quiet.  
"I... I'm sorry." He says after a second. I shrug,  
"She's been dead for almost a decade. I've gotten over it." I take the gear out, frowning at the sizable bend. "I'm going to have to get this back into shape." I mutter, setting it on the table.  
"What about your father?" He asks. My eyes dart to the man in the old photograph before returning to his arm. It was pretty clear where James got his looks from.  
"He's dead too." I say shortly.  
"I'm-"  
"Don't be sorry. He deserved it." James is taken aback by my quick, sharp tone. I set the wrench to the side, standing up. "I think we should break for lunch. We've been at this for a while." I regret my tone when I see confusion on his face, but I continue to head up the stairs. By the time I've reached the kitchen, James is behind me. He really was quick and very quiet. "Have you ever had chinese? That you can remember?" He shakes his head, and I get out my cell phone. "I'll just order double what I normally get." He just nods, and I sigh, setting my phone down.  
"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so upset at you. My dad is... he's a sensitive subject." I say, leaning over the counter to look at him. "You couldn't have known that. Talking about him just... I don't think straight."He nods quietly, and I can't tell if he accepted the apology or not. I finish punching in the number, listening to the ring until a woman with a Chinese dialect picks up.  
It's only after I hang up that I notice that James is still holding the tablet, still looking at the information from his past. "I was friends with him." He says, pointing at something. I come around the counter, looking at the picture. It was Steve, but before he became a super soldier. 1940's James had his elbow resting on Steve's shoulder, and while Steve looked annoyed, he also looked mildly amused. James was laughing when this was taken. "But..." He trails off and scrolls down to a picture of him and Steve after Steve had become a super soldier. Steve was in his uniform, and James was in standard military uniform. They were in the woods, both looking over a map of some sort.  
"You don't know anything when you look at this." I say, but he shakes his head no.  
"I can't stop thinking that if I don't take him out that I'll be wiped again. I'll be in so much trouble." He says. His real hand is in a fist, the knuckles turning white. I reach out, turning the screen back to the first picture. James watches as I look between him and the picture of him.  
"You know, it's too bad." He frowns, momentarily distracted. "I mean, look at you in this. I don't think I could've ever imagined you looking all classy and sassy in a suit. Don't get me wrong though, you are definitely built a lot more now. I kind of want to see what you look like in a suit now though. Put your hair back in a ponytail..." I look at him, thinking it over. "I'd have to do the tie for you since you only have one working arm, but still... That would make you look like one classy assassin."  
"You..." He trails off, his eyebrows furrowing. "I just told you that I want to kill him." I shrug.  
"You won't though. If you stopped yourself when you were still completely winter soldier mode then I'm positive that you can stop yourself now. Yet another reason I'm not scared to sleep in the same house as you." I hear the doorbell, and am nicely surprised that James is to distracted to draw his gun. "Yay food."  
By the time I bring the food back, the tablet is turned off and James is just sitting at the counter. I quietly set the bag of Chinese food containers down and walk over. "Hey, just because you may think I talk about other things doesn't mean I don't care. If you need me too, I'll help you remember. I'm trying now, even if it doesn't seem like it. I trust you, okay?" His brown eyes meet mine, and after a second, he nods. "Good. And now, sweet and sour chicken."

My eyes snap open as I'm yanked from sleep. I have to awkwardly hop out of bed, and I ignore my leg sitting beside my bedside table, grabbing my cane. I didn't have time to put it on.  
James was screaming.

I yank open James's door, honestly terrified. He was thrashing on the bed, tangled in the blankets. One scan of the room told me that there was no one here, that he was asleep. He was having a nightmare. I knew those all too well.  
I also knew it was a bad idea to try to wake him up in the middle of it. He would react at first as if he was still in the dream. I hobble over to the end of the bed, noticing the sweat that plastered his hair to his forehead. I head to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth out of the drawer and soaking it in cold water. Another scream pierces the air, and I'm out of the bathroom in a second.  
I wipe his head with the cooled washcloth, and the reaction is almost immediate. The scream cuts off. "Come on James. You aren't really there. You're here." I murmur, wiping his forehead. His eyes are squeezed shut, and his face looks pained. His breath is coming short gasps, and if I didn't know better, I'd wake him up. I was surprised that the cold washcloth hadn't, actually.  
His metal arm has torn the blanket, a few stray metal pieces ripping numerous slashes. "James, you're safe. You're okay. Everything is okay." I keep murmuring the reassurances, waiting for him to calm down. The time ticks by, and after a while he finally stops thrashing, finally stops crying out. I stand, taking the washcloth back to the bathroom. I squeeze the excess water into the sink before tossing it in the hamper. I shut out the light, sighing as is shut the bathroom door.  
"What are you doing in here?" I jump, startled by the sudden voice. I spin around to see Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed. "And where is your leg?" I glance down at my cane.  
"Well, you were kind of screaming. I'm sorry if I didn't take the time to put my leg on." I notice that his arm is still completely tangled in the blanket.  
"Screaming?" He says it in disbelief. "I... I was actually..." I nod.  
"If we had neighbors, I'd say I was worried that they would call the cops." I reply. "You woke me up and I got worried that you were getting murdered or something." It stays quiet. "You should go back to sleep. It's only two am."  
"I don't think I can." I hesitate at the door. My bed was calling my name, but I wasn't just going to leave him. I sigh.  
"You should probably take a shower. You were sweating a lot. I'll be in the kitchen when you're done." I had figured out pretty quickly that everything in his arm was waterproof. He nods, and I walk out of the room, letting the door click softly shut behind me. I get down the stairs slowly, not bothering to go to my room and put my leg on.  
Switching the coffee maker on, I yawn and look around the kitchen. The only lights were coming from the overhead lights, the darkness from outside clear against the Windows. I walk over and stand, looking out over the lights I could see of the city from here. Everything that had just happened made me think about... "Are you alright ma'am?" I jerk in surprise when Jarvis speaks.  
"Yeah, I'm fine Jarv. Why?"  
"You're crying ma'am." I reach up and touch my cheek, my reflection in the window doing the same. Sure enough, I felt the wet of tears on my cheeks. I shake my head, blinking to make myself stop.  
"It's nothing Jarv, I was just thinking." I say, wiping my face clean with my sleeve. "Is James alright?"  
"Just coming down now Miss Cara." He replies. The coffee maker beeps, and I walk over to it, grabbing two mugs out of the cabinet.  
"Feeling better?" I ask, hearing the soft footsteps in enter the room. I let the machine fill both the mugs, turning towards James and holding it out. He takes it.  
"World's best mechanic?"  
"It's mine."  
"It says Stark on it."  
"Well, it's still mine." After a second, he cracks a half-smile. He takes a sip, and then makes a face, frowning down at the mug.  
"What is this?" He says.  
"Coffee, or as I like to call it, the drink of the gods." I reply. "While I like it black, other people like cream and sugar. Here, try it." I grab the containers from beside the coffee maker, sliding them towards him. He puts a little of each into his mug, and it goes quiet for a little while. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask quietly.  
"It's all hazy." He says after a second.  
"But it's still there. Trust me when I say it's better to talk about it. Keeping it all inside..." I shake my head. "It doesn't work out well in the long run." James just stares at the coffee mug, staying silent. "You don't have too."  
"I think I was on a train." He says. "I was... Fighting. Shooting." I nod, taking a sip from my mug. "The... The Captain was there. He was yelling at me. He was worried." His eyebrows scrunch up as he tries to remember. "And then I was hanging onto something. I couldn't though, I was slipping. The Captain was trying to reach for me, and then.. I slipped." He pauses, face clearing. "It... It was so cold, and it hurt so much. I.. I couldn't feel my arm." After a moment, I reach out, setting my hand on top of his. His head jerks to look, but he doesn't move away.  
"I remember Steve saying something about that." I say quietly. "I think... I think that he said that's when he thought you had died. You fell off the train." He stays quiet. I don't know if that helped-"  
"It makes sense." He says suddenly. "It connects some things."  
"Good. I'm glad I could help." I say, glancing towards the window. "You want a refill?" I ask, noticing his now empty mug. He shakes his head. Silence fills the space between us, and I walk over to the coffee machine. Refilling my own mug. Loads of caffeine was going to be the only way I wouldn't fall asleep.  
"Would..." He trails off, and I glance towards him. He's looking at my cane. "Would it be out of line for me to ask what happened to your leg?" I hesitate.  
"No." I say after a second. "It's not out of line for you to ask, and I'm not going to lie to you." I reply, holding my mug with both hands. "But I'm not going to answer. It's a slightly sensitive subject that has been known to make me cry. A lot. So... Yep."  
"Okay." He replies. I nod.  
"Good." I lick my lips. "So you ready?" He nods. "I told you I can get some chloroform or something. I have a guy that owes me a favor."  
"I do not want to be drugged." He says, fist clenching.  
"It's going to be painful. I knew that when I saw that it connected with your nervous system." I say, trying to look him in the eye. "That's how you were able to use it like a real arm. It's complicated, and it's going to hurt."  
"I can handle the pain." He replies, voice flat.  
"Yeah, but you don't have too." I say, my own hands tightening around my mug. "I don't know if you understand that. You do not have to subject yourself to more pain than is necessary." He doesn't speak, and I sigh. "Okay, it's your choice. I'm just trying to remind you that you have one here."  
"Thank you." He whispers after a second.  
"It's not something you need to thank me for."

I didn't want to do this without some form of painkiller. I couldn't imagine the pain that this was going to bring to James, and he kept insisting on doing it without any sort of drug. It scared me. "Are you sure? One phone call, and you'll wake up completely fine with an arm." I say for the umpteenth time.  
"I'll be fine." We were sitting in the garage, and I was ready to hook his arm back in. I don't know how they created this. Connecting the prosthetic with his nervous system... It was decades ahead of anything we had now. And it would be painful. On the other hand, it would make the arm, well, an arm. There wouldn't be nearly as many restrictions as a normal prosthetic.  
"If you move, it might screw up the process." I say, going for a different tactic. "I can't work if you're writhing in pain."  
"I'll stay still." He says it in such a way that I almost believe it. Except, I was attaching something to his nervous system. This wasn't going to be pleasant, and I knew it.  
"But-"  
"You said I had the option. I'm making my choice here. No drugs." I shut up at that. He was right. It was his choice. I had said it myself earlier.  
"Okay." I say, quickly picking up my tweezers and stick. I needed to hold other wires back when I hooked this up. "Just... Don't jerk. I'm going to do this as quickly as I can. If you feel like you're going to pass out, tell me." He nods. For some reason, I'm the one that has to take a deep breath before starting to work my way inside his arm.  
"Wait." I jerk back, my head snapping up to look at him. Do you have something to bite down on? I remember being told my teeth grind." I blink in surprise before nodding. He remembered something trivial. I don't want to imagine where from. I quickly get up and walk across the garage to the counter next to the coffee machine. I pull out a clean washrag, rolling it up as I walked back over.  
"Here." I say, handing it to him. He takes it with his good hand, sticking it between his teeth as I sit back down. I pick the tweezers back up, making sure I had the other tools at the ready. I wanted to do this as quickly as possible. "Alrighty, lets get this over with." I mutter, mostly to myself. "Ready?" He nods. "Okay."  
I push aside the wiring as I use the tweezers to pick up the pieces connecting the wiring I need. I take a deep breath before connecting the two main pieces, dropping my tweezers quickly on the desk as I grope around for the screwdriver. James tenses, and his eyes snap shut as he feels the sudden pain. The second the screwdriver is in my hand I start to work, screwing in the section into the slot. I couldn't use an electric screwdriver because it would take to long to work it into James's arm and use without destroying any wiring. His real fist clenches, and I notice the metal fingers on the prosthetic twitch. That was a good sign. As I finish screwing in the last section, something clicks and I see him relax. I draw back, looking up at him. True to his word, he hadn't moved an inch. I could see a bead of sweat roll down the side of his temple, and he reaches up, taking the rag out of his mouth. The whole ordeal couldn't have lasted more than two minutes, but to both of us it had felt like an hour.  
"You okay?" I ask, searching his face for any sign of remaining pain. He nods, and I draw back, satisfied. "You wanna test it?" I ask, nodding towards his metal fingers. He glances down and wiggles them. I take a relieved breath. I had done it. "Okay, it should only take a few hours tomorrow for me to fix the outer paneling, and then... you'll be good to go. All patched up." I stand, leaving the mess of tools on the desk for later. "On that note, as short as tat was, I think it caused us both enough stress for the day."  
"Thank you." His soft voice surprises me. He's looking up at me, his brown eyes looking into mine. I arc an eyebrow.  
"I just put you through a lot of pain, and you're thanking me?" I ask. He shakes his head.  
"No, for fixing my arm." He says after a second. I nod.  
"It was really no problem. Besides, you had a gun aimed at my gut. I didn't have much of a choice."  
"You would've done it anyway." He says. I shrug, fiddling with my shirt.  
"So? You needed help." I reply. He gives me a strange look.  
"You let someone you knew was a dangerous assassin stay in your house as you patched up the thing he used to kill a hundred people with." It goes quiet for a moment.  
"You've suddenly turned extremely chatty, haven't you?" I ask, turning to walk for the stairs, ignoring his question. "It's kind of weird." He get's up once he realizes that I'm actually going upstairs, following me up. "Mexican sound good to you?"  
"I'm not sure."  
"Right. Sorry." I dial the place anyway. There was only one mexican restaurant in town that delivered. I do what I normally do and order two of my usual for James to try. I sit on the barstool across from him, setting my phone on my counter when I finish the call. There's a comfortable silence in the air, but I disrupt it when a thought strikes me. "You know how we talked about choices?"  
"Yes." He says, slightly confused.  
"I feel like I'm not really giving you one. I feel like I'm just saying, 'I fixed your arm now leave' and shoving you out." He stays quiet. "So I was thinking that if you wanted to, you could stay here. I could help you try to get your memories back maybe? I'm a mechanic, not a shrink, so I don't know how well it would work out, but I'd certainly try." I ramble. "I mean, you don't have too. Like I said, it was just an option. I figured I would open it up to you." The corners of his mouth lift slightly.  
"Thank you." I crack my own smile.  
"Two 'thank you's' in one day? Well don't I feel special."

"Okay, I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not a psychiatrist. The most I can think of are things I've learned from crappy self-help books." I mutter, fixing up the finishing touches on James's arm. It had taken longer than I originally thought, with a large blowtorch and several heavy duty tools. I sigh and pat James's arm. "There. All you need is a fresh coat of paint." The red star on the shoulder was scratched and faded. "We can even redo-"  
"Can we cover it up?" I look up at him to see him looking at the star. "It reminds me too much about... Hydra." After a second, I nod.  
"Sure. Jarvis, do we have any silver paint?" I ask, twirling in my chair.  
"Third supply closet to your left Miss Cara." He replies. "Fourth shelf. Paintbrushes are on the third." I walk over.  
"Cool Beans." I answer, grabbing the stuff. Jame's frowns as I walk back towards him.  
"Cool beans?" He asks. I shrug. There really was no explanation for 'cool beans'. It was just something I randomly said. I start mixing the paint, humming to myself as I do. "What are you humming?" He asks suddenly.  
"Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy." I say. "It was a song my mom played a lot when I was younger. It's from the fifties I think? She really liked the Andrews sisters. I don't know why it's in my head though. I haven't listened to it in years." He nods.  
"How does it go?" I hesitate, dipping my brush into the can.  
"Jarvis, can you play it?" I ask, rolling my chair over to James. It starts to play as I start to paint over the star.

`He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way`  
`He had a boogie style that no one else could play`  
`He was the top man at his craft`  
`But then his number came up and he was gone with the draft`  
`He's in the army now, a-blowin' reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`They made him blow a bugle for his Uncle Sam`  
`It really brought him down because he couldn't jam`  
`The captain seemed to understand`  
`Because the next day the cap' went out and drafted a band`  
`And now the company jumps when he plays reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada-toot`  
`He blows it eight-to-the-bar, in boogie rhythm`  
`He can't blow a note unless the bass and guitar is playin' with 'im`  
`He makes the company jump when he plays reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`He was our boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`  
`And when he plays boogie woogie bugle he was busy as a 'bzzz' bee`  
`And when he plays he makes the company jump eight-to-the-bar`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`Toot-toot-toot, toot-diddelyada, toot-diddelyada`  
`Toot, toot, he blows it eight-to-the-bar`  
`He can't blow a note if the bass and guitar isn't with 'im`  
`A-a-a-and the company jumps when he plays reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`[Instrumental interlude]`

`He puts the boys asleep with boogie every night`  
`And wakes 'em up the same way in the early bright`  
`They clap their hands and stamp their feet`  
`Because they know how he plays when someone gives him a beat`  
`He really breaks it up when he plays reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B`

`Da-dah-da-dah-da`  
`Da-dah-da-da-dah-da`  
`Da-dah-da-da-da`

`A-a-a-and the company jumps when he plays reveille`  
`He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B!`

"I seriously have no idea why that was caught in my head." I murmur, continuing to paint.  
"I like it." He says quietly. I smile, covering up the tips of the star. "You were singing along." He adds. I make a face, shaking my head.  
"I was not."  
"You were indeed ma'am." Jarvis chimes in. I frown up at the ceiling before sticking my tongue out at it.  
"Even the... Jeeves agrees with me." James says. I let out a snort of laughter, setting the paintbrush down.  
"Jarvis. It's Jarvis." I say, trying not to laugh. "Jarvis stands for 'Just A Rather Very Intelligent System.' Remember that and you'll remember Jarvis's name." I stick the lid back on the paint can. "That will take an hour or so to dry, but then you should be fine." He looks down at the now covered star.  
"Crappy self-help books?"  
"Hmm?" I look up, slightly confused.  
"You said all you knew about helping me was stuff you read from crappy self-help books." He reminds me.  
"Oh. Yeah." I say. "There was a long period of time where that's all I read. I just needed to figure out what to do with myself. Now I just have a really random taste in music and I try to live in the moment. To not let anyone control me." He's still giving me a curious look, and I sigh. "I was going through a pretty rough time. I got through it though, so it's all good. It's all in the past. I'm a new person now. A better person." After a second, he simply nods. I know he's curious, and I would be too if I were him. I just didn't want to talk about it.  
"So what did these books say to do?" He asks after a second. The corner of my lips twitch in an attempt to smile. If I were him, I would be more curious about my own past too.  
"One thing I read about in almost all of them was finding a center. Something constant." I say.  
"What was yours?" I reach towards my wrist, pulling off my charm bracelet.  
"This is the bracelet my mother gave me when I was five. She told me then that if I was old enough to go to school, I was old enough to start learning about responsibility. I did too, I never let this out of my sight. If we were going on a field trip, or if I was doing something where I might lose it, I kept it in my tiny wooden jewelry box I hid under my bed. I've had it for so long I don't remember life without it. I've added charms through the years though." I touch one of the charms with my fingertips before turning my attention back to James. "Your center can be anything though. A stuffed animal, a piece of clothing, a person." He nods.  
"I'm not sure... What would be constant if I don't remember?" Well that was a valid question. I hesitate, giving myself a few seconds to think.  
"I know you may not like it, but something that is constant, then and now, is Steve." I say. He stays quiet, so I explain. "From what he's told me, you two have been friends for as long as he can remember. On top of that, he's here now. He's still alive. Also, I know if you asked, if he knew you were here, he'd be here for you in an instant."  
"'Till the end of the line."  
"What?" I ask, missing what he had said.  
"Nothing." He replies, almost too quickly. After a second I nod, not quite believing him. "So Steve?"  
"Unless you can think of anything else." I reply. "Besides, if we need help I know I can call him. After some of he stuff he and I have talked about, he won't find questions about you strange." There's a few moments of quiet before James nods.  
"Okay." I smile. "But why do they call it the center?"  
"Because the center does not fold. A constant does not fade. It's something you know will be there without a doubt." I recite. "If there was one thing that had helped me from those books, it was that."  
"Focus on my center?" He asks. I nod.  
"Focus on the center."

James and I spent a lot of time in the garage so that I could work on my project while trying to help , having an extra pair of hands helped when I was working on something sensitive. Like this.  
"But what is this? Why does it need explosives in it?" James asks, holding the section open that I had asked him too. I carefully set the tube inside of it, motioning for him to let it snap closed.  
"You'll find out with time, young grasshopper." I say, mimicking an older man's voice. James gives me a confused look.  
"What?"  
"Never mind." I say with a quick smile, glancing up at him. "You'll find out when I finish this. I'm just glad that I hadn't put the explosives in when I was at the tower. This got blown up a few times." He frowns, and I laugh at the small look of concern on his face. "Don't worry. Living with Tony, it's normal."  
"I think that just concerns me more." He says. I lean back on my stool.  
"Jarvis, is it stable?" I ask, waiting for him to do a quick scan.  
"Yes ma'am." He replies after a moment. I nod, putting it on the table carefully before turning back towards James.  
"Alright, putting in explosives is enough stress for today." I say, standing up and stretching. My back pops, and I sigh with relief. "Let's do something fun."  
"I thought we were going to work on my memories?" James asks. I shrug.  
"We are. We're just doing it differently. It's not like talking has gotten us anywhere." After a second, he nods. "Good. Now we're going to try triggering, doing something that makes a memory come up."  
"What are we doing?" He asks curiously.  
"We're going swimming."I say promptly, heading towards the stairs. It takes him a second to catch up to me, obviously confused by my response. "I think Tony has a pair of swim trunks you can borrow. I think they'll fit." I muse, walking up the stairs.  
"Why swimming?"  
"Everyone has gone swimming at some point in their life. Maybe it will make something come back. Also because I haven't been in the pool since I got here." I get to Tony's room and walk in, rummaging around in his wardrobe. I grab a pair of black trunks and toss hem towards him. "Here we go." I say, quickly walking past. "You change, and I'm going to change." I disappear into my room, shutting the door quickly behind me.  
I pull out my normal swim suit, and take my leg off before I slip it on. I couldn't swim with my prosthetic on. It wasn't waterproof like James's was, and sections of it could fill with water and drag me to an early and watery grave. On top of that, it would be extremely awkward in the water. I slip on my white mesh cover and pull my hair back into a braid before grabbing my cane and making my way down the stairs.  
I reach the bottom just as I hear a door opening, and I look up to see James standing near the top of the stairs looking extremely awkward in the swim trunks and plain black t-shirt he had on. I raise my eyebrow when he just stands there. "You coming?" I ask, starting to walk forward again. I hear him start to follow, and start to slide open the back porch door. It catches on something, and I frown, shoving against it before signing and looking back. "You wanna help or just stand there and look pretty?" I ask.  
"Sorry." He says, walking forward. He quickly shoves it, and it slides the rest of the way open with a loud bang, almost shattering the glass in its frame.  
"Thank you." I say in a sing song voice, walking out and down the stairs. These stairs didn't have any rails since they were only a few steps, but it still made it more than a little difficult for me. James looks like he wants to help me, but he also looks slightly lost. He settles for walking right next to me, making sure I don't fall. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, knowing he was only trying to be helpful.  
When I reach the bottom, I go straight for one of he deck chairs, sitting down and taking my cover off. "You can jump in, I'll be in in a sec." I say, nodding towards the pool. "But I'd take off your t-shirt first. A Wet t-shirt just feels gross." He raises an eyebrow but nods, quickly stripping it off. I honestly can't help but do a once over, appreciating the abs he had, exactly how built he was. It would be hard not to.  
"Like what you see?" My eyebrows shoot up in surprise when he says that, and my eyes meet his.  
"Did you just make a joke?" I ask, skeptical. He simply cracks a small smile, and I shrug. "Well yes, yes I do like what I see." I grab my cane and pull myself up, making my way over to where the pool had stairs. When I stand, I don't miss his eyes shooting to where my leg cut off. I knew he was looking at the scars dancing their way up my thigh, covering the rest of what was left of that leg. They were pale, stood out, and I was used to people staring at them. I drop my cane next to the stairs and grab onto the railing, making my way to the water. "You coming in? The water is nice." I ask once I hit the bottom step. He nods after a second, taking a step back before launching himself into the pool.  
I squeal in surprise when the water splashes me, letting myself slide the rest of the way into the pool. I had honestly not expected him to do that in any way. He pops back out of the water, and I see a rare, true, happy smile. I can't stop myself from smiling too. "Nice cannonball you jerk." I say, splashing some water at him.  
"Steve and I..." He trails off. "We used to go swimming all the time. At the docks." He says, looking around. He runs his hand through his hair, droplets falling all over. I nudge his shoulder.  
"See? Told you it would work. And you were skeptical..." I shake my head, tsking. I move through the water, using my foot to push myself off the bottom of the pool. I cut through the water, diving under the surface. It was always peaceful in the water. Quiet.  
By the time I get to the surface again, James has made his way to the other side of the pool, floating on his back. "You okay?" I call out. I just see his head bob slightly, sending ripples through the water. After a moment he moves, standing up in the water again.  
"If I asked you a question, would you answer?" He asks. I raise my eyebrow, but nod. "How did you lose your leg?" I bite my lip, slightly surprised by the question. It's not like it was unexpected though.  
"Unwillingly." I say carefully. "Painfully." I glance out over the railing, over the ocean. "I can tell you it's not pretty watching your leg get cut off. The scars left behind definitely aren't, as you could tell." I swallow the lump in my throat. "But that's a long, sad story that really doesn't need telling at the moment." And with that, I turn and disappear into the water again.

"I think we should go out." I say before taking a large bite out of my pop tart. I was still in my stripped fuzzy pajama shorts and t-shirt, James was still in his pajama bottoms. He gives me a confused look.  
"Out?"  
"Yeah, you know, public places. Around other people. Where people can go do stuff that they can't normally do at home. Out." He frowns, and I take a sip of my coffee.  
"Won't that be dangerous? For the people I'll be around?" He asks.  
"Well, you've been around me for two months, and nothing's happened yet. I'm about eighty percent sure everything will be fine."  
"Eighty percent?"  
"Eighty five if you've been having a good day." His eyebrows furrow.  
"You don't have any faith in me." He says, voice monotone.  
"I have faith in you. I always have. I'm just being realistic." I say, taking another gulp of coffee. "If I didn't have faith in you, I wouldn't have even suggested going out." I make a face. "Actually, if I didn't have faith in you I would've kicked you out a long time ago. Probably by taking my leg off and hitting it with you until you left."  
"That was descriptive."  
"My specialty." I get off my bar stool, patting him on the back. "Anyway, we really need to get you new clothes. The ones I ordered for you don't fit the best." I say, making a face.  
"Won't people recognize me?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.  
"Wear a hoodie." I say after a moments thought. "If people are going to recognize anything, it will be your arm. And, if you still feel exposed, you can flip the hood up." He still hesitates, and I raise an eyebrow before walking towards the stairs. "I'm going to go get ready. You might as well too." As I walk up the stairs, I hear him set his mug down and the stool scrape against the floor as he got up.  
This was a test for him. I wanted him to be comfortable with other people, for him to not panic in those sorts of situations. The only real way to get him used to it was to take him out. If he started to get comfortable around strangers, then maybe we could bring in Steve. Maybe.  
"You ready?" I ask, knocking on his door. I had just put on jeans and a t-shirt, quickly tying on a tennis shoe. His door cracks open as I swing the strap of my purse over my head, avoiding my ponytail. "Dude, you take longer to change clothes than I do." I comment, giving him a once over. He was wearing simple jeans and a hoodie as I had suggested. I frown at his hair hanging in front of his face. It wasn't greasy and dirty like it had been when he first got here, but it still shrouded his face. "Hang on."  
I disappear into my room, grabbing a hair tie off my vanity. I walk out, motioning for him to turn. He gives me a curious look before doing as I ask. I have to reach up, but I tie his hair back in a super short ponytail that didn't actually look half bad on him. Better than most guys.  
"Won't this make it easier for people to recognize me?" He asks with a frown, reaching up to take it out.  
"Actually, it makes it so that you have an easier time spotting any potential enemies." I say. I was trying to out-logic him. "With your hair in your face, you might miss something." He hesitates before lowering his arms, making me smile. "Alrighty, let's get going."  
I grab my keys out of the cup holders of my car, still sitting in the garage. James frowns at me. "Are you allowed to drive?" He asks, looking slightly concerned.  
"The gas and brake are on the left side of the drivers seat instead of the right. Tony helped me switch it so that I could drive. I'm perfectly safe. Took the test and everything." He still hesitates, hand on the handle of my convertible. Well, technically Tony's, but that's not the point. "Oh come on. You, a big bad assassin, are scared of driving in a car with little old me?"  
"Yes." I blink in surprise at his bluntness.  
"Wow. Okay." I say after a second. "You still have to get in." He does after another second, sliding onto the leather seat. I start the engine, slipping my sunglasses on. "You have the right to be scared. I drive like Tony." I say after he buckles up. I let out a laugh as he grips the seat buckle so hard his knuckles turn white, and I tear out of the garage.

"Shoes... Shoes..." I mutter, looking for a shoe store. The mall was huge, and we had gotten James everything but a couple pairs of shoes and some random essentials we would get at the drugstore on the way home. He hadn't been thrilled about how much I had made him try on, but he was honestly pretty difficult to shop for. He had gotten several pairs of blue jeans, and four t-shirts. I made sure I got him two more zip up hoodies, knowing if we went out again he would want to wear them. He had his hood up most of the time we were here.  
"Doesn't bother you?" I glance towards James, confused, as we walk down the walkway, looking at he stores as we passed them.  
"Doesn't what bother me?" I ask. He glances around, scanning our surroundings. He had been doing that a lot.  
"The people staring." It's my turn to look around. Sure enough, there are a few people looking at my artificial leg. I shrug.  
"Not really. After nine years, I've learned to ignore it." I say, looking up at him. "If any of them ask me about it, I tell them I was in an accident. If I hear rude remarks, I retaliate in kind." I glance to our left. "Oh, look. Here's the shoe store." I tug on his arm, probably not the smartest move considering he was carrying most of the bags. He hadn't taken them from me, just picked them up before I could. It was almost like it was instinctual.  
"It wasn't an accident." I purse my lips. He had picked that up. I hadn't meant for him too. I knew he was curious about it, but he had stopped asking. He was just picking up random hinge here and there.  
"Okay, we need to get your shoe size." I say, brushing his statement off.  
"Thirteen." I blink in surprise before nodding, glad that something had suddenly come back to him.  
"Okay. Let's go. I need a new pair anyway too. Think I can leave you alone to shop for a few?" He hesitates. The store wasn't that large, so if he needed me I could be there relatively quickly. "Hey," I put my hand on his arm, "if you don't want me too, I won't."  
"Stay?" He asks quietly, and I smile and nod.  
"Okay. Let's get you done first." I say, and we walk towards the guys section. It doesn't take long for him, getting a pair of simple black tennis shoes. I make him get a pair of sandals too, something he can wear when he's relaxing outside. If that's possible, that is.  
"Do you think you can hold out while I get a pair?" I ask teasingly, nudging his side. He motions for me to go ahead. I make my way through the aisle of flats, looking over the multiple pairs. "What do you think of these?" I ask, holding up a pair of flowery print flats with a small bow on the tip. He makes a disapproving face. "Yeah, I thought so too." I say, putting it back. I grab a black pair with gold accents on the straps. "These?"  
"They aren't as bad as the other pair." He says after a second. I nod.  
"I thought so too. Plus my shoe buddy would like these too." I say, walking over to a chair so I could try them on.  
"Shoe buddy?" He asks, sounding mildly curious.  
"Well," I start, taking off my tennis shoe, "I only need one shoe, right?" He nods. "I can't really buy just one shoe. I have a shoe buddy named Ripley in South Carolina. She's missing her left leg, and I'm missing my right. She and I wear the same shoe size. So, to save money, we just send each other the shoes we don't use." After a second, he nods.  
"That's smart."  
"You sound surprised." I say with a smirk. I put the shoe back in the box after taking a few steps. "I'm going to get these. Thank goodness for Tony's unlimited credit card."  
"You do this often?"  
"Shopping? No." I say with a small laugh, shaking my head. I stand up, grabbing my bags and the shoe box. "That is definitely more of Pepper's thing. I'd rather be working on my project."  
"Then why did we come here?" He asks as I put the box on the counter, taking his and adding them. The cashier starts to check us out.  
"Because you really did need better fitting clothes." I say, handing the cashier my credit card. "And you needed to get outside. You're getting pasty." She puts our shoes in a bag, and James snatches it before I can. I scowl.  
"Sorry." He says, motioning towards the door. We make our way out to the car, putting the bags in the trunk. I'm pulling out when I notice James staring at something across the street. "What's that?" He asks. I glance towards the club.  
"A club. It's a place where people go to dance and drink and basically regret all the decisions they make after stepping in the door." He's quiet until I get back on the highway.  
"I used to go dancing." I glance over at him before focusing on the road again.  
"Well, we'll just have to try that next, now won't we?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows. After a moment, I see him crack a small smile.

"What is that?" I glance up at James as he walks into the room.  
"It's an athletic version of a prosthetic leg." I say, standing up. "I haven't put it on in a while. I'll have to get used to it again give me a second." He gives me a confused look.  
"Why?" I walk, remembering how to walk smoothly in it after a few moments.  
"Well, you said you remembered dancing. I figured we might as well try it." I say. "But I looked up the popular style of dance for the 40's, which is swing dancing, and I don't know if I could dance like that with this leg, let alone with my casual one." I say. I'm walking over to the stereo when it happens. My phone buzzes, and we both look towards it. I grab it quickly. "It's Steve." I murmur with a frown before answering. "What's up Rogers?"  
"Hey Cara." He says, sounding tired. I know James is watching me carefully, listening to my every word.  
"What's wrong?" I ask, slightly concerned. I hear him let out a long breath, and I can practically see him running a hand through his hair.  
"Sam's lead on Bucky went dry. We're back to square one." He says. I glance towards James.  
"You want me to see if I can find anything on Bucky, don't you?" I ask, and I see James stiffen, wide-eyed.  
"You don't have too." He says politely. I roll my eyes.  
"Yeah yeah. I glance at James again. "I'll see what I can do."  
"Thanks Cara." He says after a second. "Sam is going to see if he can get something out of one of his connections in the military."  
"Good plan." I say. "Now I know that's not the only reason you called." I say after a second of silence on his end.  
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay today." I frown, confused.  
"Today? Why wouldn't I be?" A heartbeat of silence.  
"Never mind." He says, just a little too quickly. I pull my phone away from my ear for a second, checking the date.  
"Oh." I say, walking towards the couch, sitting on the arm. "Yeah...I... I'm fine. I hadn't even noticed."  
"I'm sorry Cara, I shouldn't have brought it up."  
"No, you're fine." I murmur quietly, picking at the end of my shirt. "I didn't... It's okay." I feel a weight on my shoulder, and I look up to see James standing there, looking confused and concerned. It's quiet on Steve's end for a little while. "How's the tower without me?" I ask randomly, trying to sound like my normal self.  
"Cara..." I hear the warning in his voice. "Don't try to deflect. I can come down there for a few days if you need-"  
"No! You can't come down here!" I exclaim quickly. The weight of James's hand leaves my shoulder at my outburst. "I-I mean... You know I do better by myself. I'm just going to work on my project today. That will keep me from thinking about it. I'll just watch some random action movie and order pizza or something later. I'll be fine Steve." There's silence.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Positive." I say, keeping my voice steady. There's another few moments of quiet.  
"Okay." He agrees after a moment. "How's your project going?" I chat with him easily about random things for a few minutes before he has to leave, Tony yelling in the background that Steve was trying to flirt with his prodigy and how it was unacceptable. I laugh before hanging up, leaving Steve to deal with Tony. I let the phone drop to my lap, and I look at the ground. I couldn't believe I had forgotten.  
"Cara?" I look up with a small start, remembering that I wasn't alone.  
"Yeah? Sorry." I say quickly, standing up. "Are you ready to try the whole dancing thing?"  
"Cara." I look up at him, and he motions towards the phone. "What was that? What's wrong." He doesn't ask, but he doesn't have too. I've heard so much of his back story, he deserved to know some of mine.  
"It's..." I shake my head. "I just have something I need to do later. Do you want to come along?" I ask quietly. He nods. "Okay? Now. Dancing." I walk over to the stereo, leaving my phone on the table. "We're going to try this, and to let you know I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm hoping you remember what to do and can teach me. Otherwise I'm not sure how well this is going to go." I press play. The old music swirls into the room, and I walk over to James. "Any idea how to start?" I ask him. He hesitates.  
"I'm not sure." He says after a moment. I send him a soft smile.  
"Just do what feels right when you're ready." I say. We stand there for a few minutes, and I know he's searching his thoughts for anything, anything at all he might remember. It was clear he was pulling a blank. Then the music transferred to the next song. I had created a random track of popular swing music, and when the notes of the next song came out of the speakers, I saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes.  
"I think.." He takes my hands in his.  
And then we're dancing. It's slow at first as he tries to remember the steps, teaching me at the same time. Then we start to pick up speed. I can see confidence growing as he's more and more sure of his footing, leading me with the quick tempo. It's hard for me to keep my balance on my prosthetic leg, but I manage, a few missteps here and there. "No, you twist like this..." He pulls me the correct direction, and I smile. "And then..." He had been murmuring to himself as we danced, letting the memories float back to him.  
"Like this?" I ask, twisting the direction I had before.  
"No-" he cuts off as his foot steps on my fake one, and I'm jerked backwards. We're lucky that we're in he living room, because I fall back onto the couch. The problem was that when I had fallen backwards, James had tried to catch me. We both collapse onto the couch, and I was practically crushed by James. His face is an inch away from mine.  
"Um." I can't think of anything to say. "You're kind of crushing me." I finally spit out. He blinks before rolling off, landing on the other side of me. I know something like that was supposed to be all romantic and crap, but he was really heavy. "Sorry. I told you I didn't know what I was doing." I say with a small laugh. The upbeat swing music was still coming from the speakers. I hear a small chuckle.  
"You really didn't." He says. I glance over at him with a scowl, hitting his arm.  
"Oh shush. It just means I need practice." I say. "We'll have to dance more."  
"Yeah." He says quietly. "I'll look forward to it." I smile.  
"Ma'am." Jarvis interrupts, stopping the music.  
"Yeah Jarv?" I ask, glancing towards the ceiling.  
"Your normal flower shop closes in forty five minutes. I thought you would like to be informed." I stand up, glancing at the time. He was right. I quickly walk over to the chair, working on switching my legs out. I wasn't dressed nicely, but that didn't really matter.  
"Thanks." I murmur, almost to myself. I stand with my normal leg as James gives me a curious look. "You wanted to come?" I ask. After a second he nods, and we walk down to my car, both of us getting in quietly. "No protest this time?" I ask with a small smirk.  
"You don't drive too badly." He replies, and I roll my eyes, taking the car out of the garage. We drive in a comfortable silence, making my way across the city. It was a half an hour away from Tony's mansion. I would only just be able to make it. We pull up to the small flower shop, and I park the car, shutting off the engine and getting out quickly.  
"Come on." I huff, being impatient. The entrance to the shop was covered in flowers hanging from the overhang. I show him into the small shop, and the tiny teenage girl behind the counter looks up.  
"Hey Cara, I was wondering where you were." She says. She reaches behind the counter, pulling out my purple lilies. "Here you go." She hands them to me, her eyes flicking to where James was standing behind me. Her eyes give him a scan, and I roll my eyes.  
"Really?" I ask, and she gives me a pointed look.  
"Sorry, but I am going to examine that fine man." She says with a laugh.  
"Bye Ri." I say, grabbing James's arm. We walk out to the car and I hold out the flowers to him. "Can you hold these while I drive?" I ask quietly. I see a flicker of concern, but he nods, taking it. The drive is completely silent, nothing more than the wind outside making noise as we leave the city. James doesn't speak up, he doesn't ask where we're going. The closer we get, the more I'm feeling the weight of the memories.  
I see realization cross his face when we pull up, when I park. I get out quietly, walking towards the place I knew all too well. I look up at James, and he silently hands me the flowers. I kneel, placing the flowers on the grave. "I'm sorry mom." I whisper. "I love you. I miss you." I feel a tear leak out my eye as I stand, and I feel James's cold metal fingers as he takes my hand and squeezes it.

"Why are you insisting on this?" James asks curiously.  
"Because after yesterday, and after working on my project all morning, I think we deserve a little fun." I say, handing him the controller before walking over to the TV. "Also, it's something different. Something fun."  
"I won't understand how to play." He points out.  
"That's exactly why I'm teaching you." I say, pressing the power button on the Wii. He frowns at the controller in his hands, the steering wheel accessory in his hands.  
"What's this called?" He asks, still confused.  
"It's called Mario Kart." I reply, plopping down on the sofa next to him. "It's destroyed families and freindships around the world. It's a beautiful disaster, and I'm teaching you to play it today."  
"It sounds dangerous." He says with a frown, making me laugh.  
"It is, but a good kind of dangerous." I say, patting his shoulder. I point my remote at the Wii, selecting the game. "Okay, we'll take it easy at first. Do a few races before I start crushing you like a bug." He raises an eyebrow at that, making me laugh again. "Okay, first things first. We need to pick a character and a vehicle." I go straight to my favorite character to play with, Rosalina, the star queen.  
"Why does she have a star with her?" James asks.  
"That's just her character. She always has her star with her. Don't be deceived by her appearance though, she'll still kick your butt. Now pick your character." His eyes scan the screen , and after a moment he lands on a character, picking it. My eyebrows raise and I look towards him in surprise. "Baby Luigi?"  
"You said not to be deceived by appearance." He points out.  
"Okay..." I say after a moment. "Now, pick the vehicle." I'm not surprised when he selects the bullet bike, and I select the dirt bike for my character. I show him the controls before picking a relatively easy track. Luigi raceway. "Ready?" I ask. He nods, and I press the start button.  
I don't tell him about the head start you can get if you press the gas button at the right time, or what each individual special item does. Some things you just have to learn from experience. The fact that I was extremely competitive and wanted to win didn't help, either. I was surprised though, that once he got over the initial shock of me getting ahead in .1 seconds, at how quickly he focused on the game. A smoked him in the first game, unsurprisingly, but he had gotten more items than I had expected, quickly learning what they did.  
"What was that thing you did?" He asks. "That you did when we started, that got you into the first spot?"  
"Timing. If you start the gas early, you might get a head start. You just have to get it at the right time." I explain. He nods, and I give him a small smile. "Ready to try again?" He nods, and I pick another easy one. Yoshi's track.  
The countdown starts, and I can't stop myself from laughing when, instead of getting a head start, he gets stuck at the start line for a second as I speed ahead. He scowls, and it takes me a moment to realize that he's catching up to me. Quickly. I focus on the game, just barely ahead of him at points. He starts to speed ahead on the third lap, but I row a red she'll, knocking him to a stop as I race over the finish line.  
"Told you." I say, doing a little dancing in my seat. "Crushed you like a bug."  
"Can we do another?" He asks, and my smile grows as I nod. It slides off my face when he beats me. I stare in disbelief at he screen.  
"What? How?" I ask, bewildered. "How did you beat me? I just taught you how to play!" He smirks, and I scowl, quickly picking walugi's stadium. "Alright, fine." I mutter.  
"You're competitive." He says.  
"You noticed." I reply. The countdown starts, and we both get the head start this time, him just slightly ahead of me. We're neck and neck the entire first lap, and he's getting ahead of me the second. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and when we start the third lap, I surprise him. I elbow him in the ribs.  
He so surprised by my sudden action that he doesn't catch himself, falling off the couch. I let out a peal of laughter as I zoom ahead, racing over the finish line in first place. My smile is wide as I look towards James, who is scowling at me from the floor. "Problem?" I ask. I don't expect what he does next. He throws a pillow at me, knocking me sideways. "Hey!" I exclaim, throwing it back.  
The living room is a flurry of flying pillows as we both start throwing pillows. One of mine nails him in the face, and he growls, actually growls, and launches himself at me. I let out a yelp of surprise, and suddenly I cant stop laughing. His fingers poke into my sides as he tickles me, and I can't get away. I'm running out of breath, and I can tell my face is going red because when I laugh I know it's not pretty. I'm clutching at my stomach, my ribs aching as I keep laughing. "S-Stop..." I gasp. I feel his fingers still for a moment as I take a deep breath. "You big meanie." I mutter. The smile on his face is wide and so innocent, so true that I can't help but smile back.  
He's hovering over me, hands still setting on my sides. I'm kind of trapped beneath him, pinned between him and the couch. There's a second of us just second of us smiling at each other. Then I'm tickling him, digging my fingers into his sides. He gasps, and for a split second I begin to think that he's not ticklish. Then he's laughing nearly as hard as I was, collapsing next to me. He tries to pin my arms, and after a second he succeeds. "Aw c'mon." I exclaim as he laughs at my struggling. I narrow my eyes at him before reaching up, pecking him on the nose. The action surprises him into letting me go, and I slip away, jumping over the couch. I turn when I'm halfway across the living room, noticing the lack of sound behind me.  
He's just sitting there on the couch, eyes slightly wide as he reaches up, fingertips brushing against his nose. The smile fades from my face, and I take a few steps back to him. "James?" I ask cautiously. I reach out, resting a hand on his shoulder. After a second, he turns his head, eyes meeting mine. That's when I see the mischievous glint in his eye. I open my mouth to speak, but the sound is yanked out of my throat when James pulls me back to him, attacking me with tickles. I burst out laughing.  
"This is what you get for cheating." He says, smiling. I can't hear him though. I'm laughing too hard.

James was screaming again. It didn't take me long to reach his room, but by the time I got there he was already awake, his breathing coming in short gasps. His eyes were looking around the room wildly, and his entire body was tense. "James?" I ask cautiously. His eyes flick to me. "Are you okay."  
"HYDRA." He gasps. "They... they were here. They're looking for me." Concern begins to grow in me, and I walk forward.  
"Hey. It's okay. Everything is okay. HYDRA isn't here." I say, keeping my voice soft. He keeps his eyes on me as I walk, well, kind of hobble forward. "We're safe."  
"But they..l-they were here..." He says, breathing still heavy. I sit on the edge of the bed.  
"No, it's okay. You were just dreaming, nothing happened. No one has been here except you and I." He blinks, looking around the room again, scanning it. "Hey." I reach out, putting a hand on his arm, making him look at me. "It's okay."  
"I... I just..."  
"I know. It's okay." It's quiet in the room, his breathing becoming more regular over time, his muscles relaxing as whatever memories of HYDRA began to slip to the back of his mind.  
"Thank you." I crack a small, soft smile at that.  
"You were awake when I got here. I'm surprised."  
"It was... Bad." Concern flits across my face.  
"You don't have to talk about it-"  
"I want too." He says quietly. "And you've said before that talking about it is better than keeping it in." I nod. I still believed it, but with the state I found him in...  
"Okay." There's a long stretch of silence that fills the dark room before he talks.  
"They're all coming back to me so quickly now. The memories." James says quietly. "There's so many, and it's all so confusing. I remember Steve and I going to school together and stopping the older kids from picking on him. I remember... Shooting someone from a rooftop because I was told to by HYDRA. I remember going to the funeral from Steve's more, and then I remember being in this dark room with scientists sticking needles in me." He takes a deep breath. "It's all hitting me at once and it's becoming too much."  
Quiet surrounds us again, and after a moment I reach over, squeezing his hand. "It won't become too much. I'm here to make sure it won't be." His eyes ever mine, and I can only hope he sees how much I meant it. He nods after a moment, and I pull my leg up, wrapping my arm around my knee and resting my head.  
"You aren't going to the kitchen to make coffee this time?" I make a face.  
"It's not even one in the morning. I'm going back to bed this time." I say. "You should too. You need rest." I set my foot back on the floor, grabbing my cane. "I just want to make sure you're okay first." His eyes look out towards the window, looking out over the ocean view.  
"Can you..." He shakes his head.  
"What?"  
"Thank you. For checking up on me." He murmurs.  
"Of course." I stand, taking a few steps towards the door.  
"Cara." I turn. "Can you stay? I'm..." He takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid to start dreaming again." I hesitate only a second before turning, walking straight for the chair next to his bed.  
"Of course." I say with a small smile. "I know the feeling." He lays back on the bed, but doesn't close his eyes, just turns his head to look at me. "You know, for this to work you actually have to try to sleep." I joke.  
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?" He asks quietly, catching me off guard.  
"I-what?" I ask.  
"You talk about how you know what I'm going through, how you know how I feel, and I've started to piece some of it together." He says. "I know it has to do with your dad and with your leg, but every time I've brought it up you've avoided it." I'm quiet.  
"I..." I look out the window over the night sky. "I will, I just... it's been a long time since I've talked about it. Some people, they think I'm over it. But I'm not. I still get nightmares sometimes too." I turn back towards James, smiling ever so slightly at the way he's looking at me with curiosity and innocence. "But I'll tell you. I promise."  
"Okay."

"Okay, so I've learned that punching things is a good way to release stress." I say as we walk to the gym. "I figure after last night we could both release some stress." He nods as we walk into the room. "Just please don't ruin as many punching bags as Steve does because then I will have to figure out an excuse to buy more for Tony."  
"Steve breaks punching bags?" He asks. I nod with a small smile, noticing how James had called him Steve instead of Captain.  
"It's ridiculous how many he goes through." We reach the first punching bag, and I nod at it. "Okay. Go."  
"What?"  
"Start punching things." I say, motioning towards the bag. He raises an eyebrow at me but nods. The next thing I know, there's sand everywhere and his arm has punched a hole through the bag. "Okay. We're going to try this again, but with your non-metal hand."  
"Right. Sorry." He says, and I roll my eyes.  
"Sure you are." I say. Walking over to the other punching bag. "Let's just try again." It takes four punches this time for the bag to break. I sigh before pulling my phone out of my pocket, quickly dialing a number.  
"Hey Tony? Yeah I've decided to start a side project. Remember how you gave up on creating a bag that Steve could break? I'm going to keep trying to make it work as a side project. I just need to order some punching bags..."

"So you're making a new leg?"  
"No... well, Kind of. Yes and No. It's a leg, but there's more to it than that." I explain, adjusting the wires. "You'll understand when you see it in action." I finish setting the wires and pick up the outside panel, grabbing a handful of screws. James holds out his hand, and I smile, setting the screws in his open palm before grabbing the screwdriver.  
"What are you going to use it for?" I smile, glancing up at him as I take one of the screws out of his hand.  
"You'll see." I say, turning back to the panel, working to get it on. It's quiet for a moment, and then,  
"But if it was just a leg, then why would it need explosives?" I can't help but laugh.  
"James!"

"Okay, so what do you want me to do?" James and I had just finished working on my project for the day, and we were now moving on to something I had read about.  
"So, people who have amnesia often keep journals. What you're supposed to do is write down the earliest thing you can remember and work until you reach preset day. Where there are gaps n your memory, leave pages blank. Once you remember them, you fill it in." I cross my arms over my chest. "My job will be done when there are no more blanks." He nods, looking down at the leather clad journal in his hands.  
"How much should I write?" He asks.  
"That's up to you." I answer. "Some people try to write down as many details as they can, some people don't write down much more than a little blurb."  
"Do you have one?" I look up in surprise.  
"What?"  
"Do you have one?" He asks again. "That's the only way I can think of you knowing about all of this psychological stuff. You've been through it yourself." I stay quiet, looking down at my hands before nodding, just once.  
"Yeah." I say quietly before standing. "Just... Wait a second." I make my way up the stairs, walking until I get to my room. I always left them in the same place. I hadn't even taken them to New York when I had moved to the tower.  
I walk over to my desk, taking a deep breath before opening the bottom drawer on my desk, digging through the papers and other things before reaching the two small spiral notebooks at the bottom. My name was written in the corner of the cover of each one, done in my old, thirteen year old handwriting. I pick them up, my finger running over the indents my pen had made on the cover. Snapping the drawer shut with a kick, I walk back down to the living room, clutching the notebooks in a shaking hand as I go.  
"I got you a bigger notebook, as well as better quality. I figured you would want yours to last a while." I say, trying to draw away any attention on my notebooks as I set them down on the edge of the coffee table. "I ended up throwing mine against a wall at one point. It almost broke, and that frustrated me even more."  
"Because it almost broke?" James asks.  
"Because it didn't." I say with a small, forced laugh. "All I wanted was to destroy it." I take another breath. "The second one went better."  
"Second one?" He asks curiously.  
"I needed to start over. While you are doing all of your memories, I was only doing one." I say. It goes quiet, and I stand. "Im going to go get us some hot chocolate." I say suddenly, standing up and walking to the kitchen.

James's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm going to go get us some hot chocolate." Cara says, standing up quickly and walking to the kitchen. There's an expression on her face that I can't read, and I get up, about to follow her.  
"Cara-" my voice is cut off as she walks into the kitchen. I sigh as she disappears, and I turn to sit back down, knowing she wouldn't want me to be with her. That she needed some space.  
As I turn, my knee hits Cara's notebook, knocking it onto the floor. I frown before picking it up. I don't mean to do it, but my eyes wander to the page it had fallen open to.

_ There's so much blood and pain. Only blood and pain. I can't remember anything but blood and pain. Blood and pain. Blood and pain. Blood and pain. Blood and pain. BLOOD AND PAIN. BLOOD AND PAIN. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD AND PAIN. BLOOD. PAIN. BLOOD. PAIN. BLOOD PAIN BLOOD PAIN BLOOD PAIN BLOOD PAIN BLOODPAINBLOODPAINBLOODPAINBLOODPAINBLOODPAIN. IT'S ONLY BLOOD AND PAIN. HEAVEN PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING._

"So, I didn't know if you took cinnamon on your hot chocolate or not, so I didn't put any on. If you want to try it though, I can tell you that it tastes amazing." I drop the notebook, adjusting it so it looked like it hadn't been moved.  
"I'm... fine." I murmur, and Cara smiles, rolling her eyes as she hands the mug to me.  
"Always so afraid to try something new. I promise it's not that bad." She says, giving me a look. It's like she could just transfer back into her normal self, as if nothing had happened before she went into the kitchen. As if she wasn't stressed about being here, talking about her journals. Cara frowns slightly, looking at me. "Hey, are you okay? You just got all quiet all of a sudden." I nod. "Really? I don't need a repeat of when you first got here and I was basically talking to a brick wall."  
"I'm just... thinking about what to write is all."  
"Ah. Yeah, that I understand." She says, sipping from her mug. She sets it down on the table, and I cant help but chuckle. "What?  
"You've... you've got a kind of..." I shake my head, reaching forward and wiping her whip-cream mustache off. She blushes, hand raising to cover her mouth.  
"Oops." She mutters, and I just smile. Even through this though, I can't stop thinking about what I read. It was the ramblings of someone who had gone completely insane.  
It was the handwriting of a kid.

It was stupid really, what happened. It happened every so often, when I wasn't paying enough attention, wasn't being careful enough. One wrong step, and I ended up flying down the stairs.  
I hadn't even told James that I needed to go down to the lab and grab something, which I did. I had left my phone down there. It wasn't like I needed my phone at all times, but I was expecting a call from a supplier I needed things from. Certain parts for my project. It was also the middle of the night and I had no idea why I had been so worried about it.  
I had taken two steps down the stairs, and the heel of my prosthetic caught on the edge of the third step. And of course, the one time I didn't have a good grip on the handle... Next thing I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs in a lot of pain.  
My leg and a half are still on the bottom two stairs, while the rest of me is sprawled out on the floor at the bottom. I can see my prosthetic laying next to me, just out of my reach. There's a throbbing in my head, and I feel a wetness on my upper lip. I touch it with my fingertips to realize that my nose was bleeding. I curse under my breath, trying to reach for the handle, but only just missing it. I Clench my teeth, every move I'm making sending pain down my back.  
"Ms. Cara." I don't really hear Jarvis at first, to focused on trying to get up. "Ms Cara!" I finally blink, looking around. "Ms Charn!"  
"No need to bring in the last name Jarv." I say, still trying to reach my leg. I finally sigh, letting myself lay on the ground.  
"Ms Cara, should I wake Mr. Barnes?"  
"No, he's sleeping. Just give me a minute and I'll be fine."  
"Ms Cara, I really must insist-"  
"Jarvis!" I exclaim. He stops talking, and I sigh again. I swallow the lump in my throat, giving myself a few seconds before twisting and reaching toward my leg again.  
"Cara!" My head turns at the sound to see James at the top of the stairs. I curse.  
"Jarvis, I told you not-"  
"You said to give you a minute ma'am. After a minute, I contacted Mr. Barnes." I scowl at the ceiling, and next thing I know James is next to me.  
"I hate loopholes." I mutter.  
"Just give me a second, I'm going to get a chair out of the workshop."  
"James, I'm fine." I try to say, but he's already disappeared. I frown before reaching towards the handrail again.  
"Ms Cara, may I remind you what happened last time you fell down the stairs?"  
"No you may not you loophole finding, pain in the butt computer." I spit out. I finally grab it, pulling myself up. I grimace at the pain shooting up my back.  
"What are you doing?" I look up to see James with one of the rolling chairs. "Here, give me a second." All of a sudden I feel a warm hand on my waist and a cold one under my arm, helping me into the chair.  
"James-"  
"How long were you laying there?" He asks, looking at me worriedly as he pushes me into the workshop. "Cara, it's one in the morning. Were you planning to lay there all night?"  
"No, I was going to get up I just needed to rest for a second." I mutter.  
"You're bleeding." He says. "You might need to go to the hospital."  
"Jarvis, do a scan." I mutter, wincing as I shift in the chair. "James, you can go back to bed, I'm fine."  
"You're hurt. I'm not just going to leave you here."  
"Why are you-"  
"You've been taking care of me, I can take care of you this once so stop being stubborn about it." I stop, seriously looking him in the eye. He doesn't waver.  
"Okay." I murmur.  
"Ma'am, you appear to have bruised your hip and the left side of your face when it hit the handrail. Nothing appears to be broken." Jarvis finally reports. "But do be more careful."  
"Thanks Jarv." I say quietly, looking at the table next to me. My leg is laying on it, so I grab it looking at the now broken hinge. "I am not in the mood to fix this right now." I mutter.  
"I'll help you back to your room." James says quietly, and I nod, snatching my phone, the thing that started this whole mess, off the counter. James wraps his arm around my waist, helping me up. It takes us a while to get up the stairs, and then up to the second floor, but we do it. He hands me my cane, and I walk to the bathroom.  
I clean myself up, stopping my nose from bleeding and noticing the already coloring of the bruises that we're going to covering the left side of my face. My eye was already turning black. It was even swelling a little. I sigh before hobbling back out to my room.  
"This is definitely going to hurt more in the morning." I say, setting on the edge of my bed.  
"Why did you tell Jarvis not to wake me up?"  
"Yup. Straight to the point." I mutter.  
"Why?"  
"I just..." I trail off, shaking my head. "I hate feeling helpless. I can't feel helpless." His eyebrows furrow. "After I... Lost my leg, everyone was trying to help me. Sugarcoat everything. I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself." He nods.  
"It's not bad to ask for help." He says. "You forced help on me, and... It wasn't a bad thing." I swallow the lump in my throat. "And if you fall down the stairs again, I will force help upon you."  
"You can try." I say with a small smirk.

James's POV ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cara had fallen asleep pretty quickly after talking to me, and I realized that I couldn't go back to sleep pretty fast. I end up downstairs, looking around the living room. My eyes land on the television remote, be I pick it up, remembering how quickly the news would put Cara to sleep.  
When the first story came on, I realized quickly that it wasn't happening.  
"And in new news, it's the fifteen year anniversary of the capture of one of this country's most vicious serial killers, Wendell Charn. The killer of over thirty women, Carn was captured when his eight year old daughter called the police after witnessing her father kill his last victim. Police had arrived on scene just in time to save Charn's daughter Cara from dying of blood loss..."

As I had thought, everything was sore when I woke up. My hip hurt the most, but the side of my face sent out a shockwave of pain every time the muscles moved so that I could make any sort of expression. Needless to say, I took some pain medication. I ended up putting my athletic leg on, seeing as my everyday leg was broken in the lab, and walked down the stairs to the living room. Carefully this time.  
I could tell something was wrong the second I got downstairs. James was sitting in the living room, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the floor. I frown, walking forward. "James?" He jumps, his head whipping around to look at me. "Woah, hey, are you okay?" I ask, concerned. I never scared him by walking into the room. He just nods. "Alright then..."  
I walk to the kitchen, glancing at him before I do. I wasn't quite sure what was going on. I start the coffee maker, getting out the sugar and a mug, thinking as I went. Maybe he had a memory come back to him? Or maybe he was a little shaken up at finding me at the bottom of the stairs? I sigh and pour my coffee, quickly making my way back through the living room.  
"I'm going to go work on my leg." I call, glancing at him as I start down the stairs. "You can join me if you want. I'll start working on my project after it." He doesn't react, just turns to look out the window, over the ocean. I bite my lip, hesitating before heading down the stairs. I didn't want to pressure him into telling me anything, but he's acting extremely strangely. I don't know what's going on.  
It doesn't take long to fix my leg, only needing to replace a few parts. I quickly switch out my athletic leg and my everyday leg before turning in my chair to work on my project. I work for a while in silence before asking Jarvis to turn on some music.  
It's nearly an hour and a half later that James comes downstairs. I'm working on some complex wiring, and have to focus. I hear him walk in, and then take a seat next to me. "Hold on a second..." I murmur, keeping my mind on the wires. "If we do this wrong, I might..." I finish. "Never mind. All good."  
"Might what?"  
"Kill us both, but I did it fine, so we're good." I set the tool down, turning to face him.  
"Do you want to talk about it now?"  
"Talk about what? He asks quietly. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, wincing when it pulls just slightly too hard on my skin, hurting the bruises.  
"Whatever's got you avoiding looking at me." I say, shaking my head. "Is it the bruises? Because if it is, I can put makeup on. It's not that hard if it bothers you."  
"No, it's not that! Of course not." He says all that while staring at the table.  
"Then what's wrong?" I ask. "Did you remember something you don't want to tell me about?"  
"No."  
"Then what's wrong?" I ask. "Did I do something? Is it the stair thing? Are you mad that I didn't immediately ask Jarvis to get you?" I let my fingers drum on the table. "Because I've done that a lot before. Tony gets mad every time it happens. There was a really bad time in the tower's stairwell..." I shake my head.  
"It's not that."  
"Then what's wrong?" I ask. "Because I'm trying to figure it out." I sigh. "I just don't know." It's quiet for a minute, and I pick up a pen, twirling it in my fingers.  
"Your dad was a serial killer." I drop the pen, my head snapping up in surprise. My eyes are wide as I look at him.  
"How... " my voice is weak, and I look down at the floor. "How do you know about that?" My voice cracks a little, and I swallow the lump in my throat.  
"I couldn't sleep last night." He says quietly, now looking at me. "I turned on the news, since you always seem to fall asleep watching it, and..." I'm filled with confusion, and then realization.  
"That's today, isn't it." I ask. He doesn't react, and I curse loudly, surprising him.  
"Cara..." He trails off, and I rest my head on the table. "Are you okay?"  
"No." I sit back up, taking a deep breath. "I never am." I look up at him, and he looks back at me quietly. "I guess it's my turn to talk for once, huh?"  
"You don't have too."  
"I should though." I say quietly. "Therapist says it's good for me. Helps me cope." I purse my lips. "You know, lots of people say the worst sight you can see of your parents is them becoming addicts, or cheating, or doing some random crap." I shake my head. "I can confirm that the worst sight you can see with a parent is accidentally seeing your dad hacking a woman to pieces in the family barn." He blinks in surprise. "Yeah, the news doesn't mention the gory details."  
"I..." He shakes his head. "I can't imagine."  
"No one can. It's horrifying." I let out a fake laugh. "I was eight. Eight." I shake my head. "I think it started when my mom died. I heard on the news, when my dad was watching the tv while I was doing coloring pages, about the women disappearing. I didn't really think anything of it. When I actually asked my dad, he told me not to worry about it." I bite my lip a little, thinking, remembering. "It was thirty three women later. Dad said he was going to the barn to do some chores." I glance across the garage.  
"I remembered a little while later that I wanted to show my dad my math test. I had gotten an A on it. Long division." I roll my eyes. "Yay. Long division. Didn't know what long division would do to me." I shift on the seat. "I walked out to the barn, noticing that the door was a little ajar. I looked in just in time to see my dad cut off a woman's head."  
James is expressionless, but I can see the horror in his eyes. The pity. "I ran back to the house, doing the only thing I could think of. I called the police." I take a deep breath. "And then there was that stupid phone." My voice cracks, and I pause, giving myself a moment. "If you didn't hang it up right, it would fall. I heard my dad coming in the house, so hung it up too quickly. He walked in, thinking everything was fine. Then the phone fell."  
"He kept... He kept asking me who I called, and when I wouldn't tell him, I think he realized." The next breath I take is shaky. "He took me out to the barn. I was too small to fight back. The woman's body parts were still in the corner, still oozing blood." I feel a tear slip out, but I ignore it. "He used the same hatchet that he used to cut up that woman to hack off my leg."  
"Cara..." I think James says my name because I'm crying.  
"The police, the paramedics, they arrived in time to save me from bleeding out, but not in enough time to save my leg." I lick my lips, the words coming faster now. "I started therapy, I watched my dad get sentenced to death, I was put in the foster system. A year later, he was executed. I wouldn't stop bothering everyone, telling them I needed to watch to get closure. What sort of people let a obviously emotionally damaged nine year old watch her father die in the electric chair?" Now I'm full on crying, and I'm not sure how to stop. "Now I'm permanently screwed up in the head, if you couldn't tell." I let out a hiccup-y laugh.  
It's quiet for a while, with just the sounds of me crying. It takes a little bit, but he rolls over a little, taking one of my hands in his.  
"How can you stand to be around me after you've been through that?" I let out a choked laugh.  
"He choose to kill those people. You didn't have a choice." I send him a smile. "I won't ever blame you for the people you killed as the winter soldier." He smiles.  
"Thank you." He whispers. "For telling me."  
"Well, you already seemed to know enough." I say. "I didn't really have a choice."  
"Like you told me, you always have a choice." I smile, wiping at my cheeks with my free hand.  
"I give some pretty good points, don't I?" I say with a laugh. I take in a deep breath, looking around. "Working isn't really appealing to me anymore. We need ice cream."  
"Ice cream?" I nod, standing up.  
"Us females eat ice cream when we get emotional. It helps. As does Netflix."  
He laughs, and I do too.

"_911, what is your emergency?" I look around the dimly lit kitchen, scared and alone. I clutched my stuffed bunny to my chest._  
_ "I think my dad is hurting someone." I say._  
_ "What? Can you explain what you saw honey?" The woman's voice takes on a gentler tone when she realizes that she's talking to a kid._  
_ "I went out to the barn. Daddy was doing his chores. I wanted to show him the A I got on my math test." I look around again, terrified as I clutch my bunny tighter._  
_ "That's good."_  
_ "The woman didn't have her head anymore." I finally say. "Daddy used the chicken hatchet and now she doesn't have her head." There's a stunned silence. "Is she gonna be okay?"_  
_ "Okay, honey, I need you to keep talking to me, okay?"_  
_ "Uh huh."_  
_ "What's your name dear?"_  
_ "Cara."_  
_ "Okay Cara. There's a very nice police officer coming to your house to make sure everything is going to be fine. Do you understand that?"_  
_ "Uh huh." I say again, nodding. _  
_ "Is your daddy still out in the barn?"_  
_ "Yeah." I say, looking out the kitchen window while I stood on my tip toes. I couldn't really see anything. "I think so."_  
_ "What's your favorite color?" I hear the creak of the screen door as it opens._  
_ "Cara? Are you home?"_  
_ "I gotta go." I whisper, quickly hanging up. I hear the footsteps get closer. _  
_ "Cara?" My dad walks into the kitchen. "Why didn't you answer me? I was calling for you." I stay quiet, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Is everything okay Cara?" He asks. "Did something happen at school?"_  
_ The phone falls from where it was hanging, making me jump and my dad turn, startled. He frowns before turning to me. "Cara, did you call someone?" I shake my head quickly. "Cara. We both know the phone doesn't fall unless it wasn't hung up correctly." I shake my head again, my hair whipping back and forth._  
_ "Cara." He kneels down in front of me, looking me in the eye. "Who. Did. You. Call." I can't do anything but look up at him with wide, terrified eyes. He sighs. "Fine. Come with me." He grabs my wrist, squeezing tightly as he throws my stuffed bunny across the room. I cry out, but he drags me out the door. _  
_ And then there's nothing but Blood and Pain._  
_ Blood._  
_ Pain._  
_ Blood._  
_ Pain._

"Cara!" I jerk awake, a scream caught in my throat. I'm thrashing in the blankets, and I feel pressure on my shoulders holding me down. "Cara, c'mon. Calm down. Please." There's a soft, soothing voice, and after a second I let my muscles relax.  
I blink a few times, and the red hue everything had taken begins to fade, turning back into my bedroom, lit up by the morning sun. I take a few deep breaths, feeling the sweat on the back of my neck. After a few moments, my eyes focus on the figure sitting on the edge of my bed.  
"James." He looks almost as panicked as I feel. He takes his hands off my shoulders, and I sit up.  
"I heard you screaming. I..." He flounders, not knowing what to say. "I heard you screaming." I lick my dry lips and nod.  
"Talking kind of brought back old nightmares." I whisper, voice hoarse. "I thought I'd be fine, thought they would go away after years, but I was wrong." He stands up.  
"I-uh... I should go."  
"Stay?" I ask. He freezes. "You aren't the only person who doesn't like to be alone after a nightmare, you know." He nods, sitting back on the bed. "Thanks, by the way. For waking me up."  
"I didn't know what else to do." He says, glancing at me. I nod, and then grimace, leaning back on my bed with a groan. "What's wrong?" He asks quickly. I shake my head.  
"Nothing, nothing. Phantom pain. It happens sometimes when I dream about it." I grimace again, pulling my leg out from under the blanket into the cold air. I notice his eyes flick towards it, towards my stump. "Sometimes, I can trick my brain. Make it realize that there really isn't an appendage there. Sometimes it stops." a fresh wave of pain hits me. "But sometimes it doesn't." My voice is strained.  
"Do you want any medicine?" He asks. I shake my head.  
"Pain medicine isn't my favorite thing. I was doped up for about a month after I.. lost my leg. Don't exactly remember much of it." I grimace. "I normally just figure out a way to distract myself. Binge Netflix or something."  
"And that works?"  
"Sometimes." I say with a shrug. "Sometimes I just have to grin and bear it." With that, I grimace again, adjusting my seat on the bed. "You are definitely not distracting enough."  
"I'm not?" He asks with a slight laugh.  
"Nope. Be more distracting." I say, motioning my hand at him. "Go."  
"Be more distracting?"  
"Mhm." I murmur.  
"How?"  
"I don't know." I say, rolling my eyes. "That's your job. Figure out a way to be more distracting. You have to have something up that bionic sleeve of yours." I grit my teeth together, glancing down at my leg. I curse under my breath.  
And then I feel a cold metal hand cupping my chin, turning my head so that a pair of warm lips meet mine. I freeze for a split second, shocked. And then I let my lips move with his. It's only for a few seconds, and his lips are warm, inviting. He's tentative too, cautious. Testing the waters.  
And then it's over. He pulls back a little, leaving me wanting more. My eyes meet his, and I want him to kiss me again. Something just felt... right.  
"Well... that was a good distraction." I say after a few seconds of silence. "Really, really good. Um... yeah."  
"I-uh-"  
"Miss Cara." We both look up, grateful for the distraction.  
"Uh, yeah Jarvis?" I say awkwardly.  
"I feel like it would be good of me to inform you that the city is being attacked." James and I both freeze. "And the Avengers are here trying to stop it."

James looks at me, and I can see the panic that I'm feeling mirrored in him. "Ma'am-"  
"I heard you." I say, interrupting Jarvis. The TV in my room flicks onto the news channel, and I can see why Jarvis was trying to get my attention again. The attack was a bad one. I turn my attention to James, who is staring at the screen.  
"Hey." I get his attention. "This is about you right now. Right. Now." He blinks in surprise at my solid voice. "Are you ready to talk to Steve. To meet him for the first time since DC?" He doesn't speak for a little bit.  
"I... I think I could. I'm just not sure how I'd react." He finally says. I nod.  
"Okay. Well, they need help out there. I can snipe, and if I'm thinking right, so can you." He nods. "Okay. Then I'm asking you. Do you want to go help? There's no hard feelings if you don't. They don't even know you're here." He hesitates, glancing towards the live news broadcast.  
"Okay." He says after a second. "I'll help."

"Which building?" I ask, looking around the block. We had gotten past police lines easily, making our way to where the others were fighting.  
"That one. It has the best vantage point. You can see over everything." He says, nodding towards a building. I nod in agreement, and we make our way towards it. I glance up towards a different rooftop to see Clint shooting. It was weird that he wasn't on the best building, but I'm betting he couldn't get to it. We make our way up the stairs of the abandoned building, and James has to ram his arm against the door to open it onto the roof.  
I glance around the mess below us before looking back at James. "You take that half, I'll take this half?" He nods, and we go towards our ends of the roof. The roof wasn't very large, so if I yelled he could hear me. I have my gun ready in no time, going through the motions like Rhodey had taught me.  
The things that are attacking, they're like... well, they're some sort of tiny creatures. They're about the size of a toddler, with large teeth and claws, dropped on all fours. They could climb too, that much was clear. They were creepy. Very much so.  
I start taking out the creatures along the sides of the main fight, taking out as many of them as I could. I reloaded my clip nearly four times before I got closer to the main fight. There was a point where I shot a creature pretty close to Tony, and I saw his head snap up as he scanned for the shooter. I waved, and a few seconds later my phone started ringing.  
"Hey Stark." I answer.  
"Cara, what are you doing here?" He exclaims. I take a shot.  
"Helping." I say simply, before standing, moving closer to the middle of the edge of the roof. "Problem?"  
"You could get hurt." I take a few more shots before answering, and I watch James move next to me out of the corner of my eye. It was down to a mass of the creatures in the main fight.  
"So could you, but you don't see me griping and whining." I hear him let out a frustrated huff. "By the way, tell Clint he can get the cluster of these things next to Nat easily from where he's at." After a second, I see the arrows focus on the group I had talked about. "See you soon Tony." I say before hanging up. I knew he'd be ticked that I hung up on him, but he'd get over it. Or he'd at least forget about it when he saw James. I'd have more to deal with then.  
"You're good at this." I glance at James with a small scowl.  
"You thought I was lying? I need some sort of other hobby." I say and he sends me a small smile. I keep shooting, knocking out as many of the things as I could. It's inevitable. "I'm out." I say, leaning back a little. James nods, but keeps shooting. He could carry more ammo than I could. "Can you-"  
We both turn at the sound of a growl. One of the creatures had made it's way up the side of the building. "Keep shooting." I say, quickly working.  
"What are you-"  
"Trust me." I say, and he watches as the creature get closer. After a second, when it's a few feet away, I do my thing.  
And my thing is whacking the creature as hard as I could with my prosthetic leg. It yelps, and I hit it again. It scrambles back, and I have to balance on real leg and wait for it to get close again. Trust me when I say hopping isn't exactly a menacing advance. He gets closer, and I whack him again.  
"That's your attack plan?" James exclaims.  
"Just keep shooting!" I say, frustrated. He turns, quickly shooting the creature on the roof with us before turning back to the main fight. I frown and hop over, letting myself sit and re-attach my leg. "That's not what I meant." I grumble.  
"Your plan was to whack it to death. That was going to take a while." I narrow my eyes at him.  
"Just because you kissed me does not mean you get to be all smart-alecy with me now." I say, looking back at the fight. I watch as the last few creatures are taken out. "We are going to talk about that, by the way." He glances at me before shooting the last creature.  
James and I both lean with our backs against the ledge, and He looks at me. "You ready for this?" I ask. He licks his lips, quiet. We both jump a little when an arrow hits the building to the left of us, and we both stand as Clint swings in with his bow, using the string connected to the arrow as a sort of zip-line. He turns, raising his bow and aiming it at James.  
"Cara." His voice is hard. "Step away from him." Instead, I ignore him and step in front of James.  
"Clint, he's safe. Put the bow down." He narrows his eyes.  
"Then why is he aiming a gun at me?" I frown and turn to see James holding a gun up. I give him a look, and after a second he lowers the gun.  
"Now you." I say, turning back to look at Clint. He lowers the bow, reaching up to touch his earpiece.  
"You know I have to tell Steve." He says.  
"Wait." James and I both speak at the same time. He does, his hand close to his ear. I look at James, waiting. "Tell... tell Steve I told him not to get into any trouble until I got back." He pauses, a small smile forming on his lips. "I told him that before he enlisted into the army. Or, got enlisted." I smile at James, nodding.  
"I... okay." Clint says, letting out a long breath. "Cap." He says, pressing his finger into his earpiece. "I've got two snipers up here that are missing limbs, and one of them says that he told you not to get into any trouble until he got back."  
One glance behind me, and I can tell Steve's already sprinting towards the building. I look back at Bucky. "You can do this." I whisper, stepping in his direction. "You'll be fine." He nods, but I can tell he's nervous. Worried about what he might do. I slowly take the gun from him, and he lets me.  
It's only seconds later that the door to the roof bursts open.  
"Bucky..."

"Bucky..." James and I both turn, and Steve just stands there, staring at James. After a few seconds, Natasha comes through the door, and I can hear Tony flying closer, the familiar sound of his suit getting louder.  
"Steve." James finally breaks the tense silence. I watch as practically every muscle in Steve's body relaxes, and he takes a few steps forward. James tenses.  
"Steve, stop." I say, and Steve looks at me for the first time, blinking in surprise. I look beside me, putting a hand on James' shoulder. I wait for him to relax a little. "Steve, we need to take this whole thing slowly, okay?"  
"Cara..." I look over at James. "It's okay."  
"You sure?" He nods, and I smile a little, letting my hand go back to my side. He walks forward, until he's only a few feet away from Steve. I watch as he cracks a small smile.  
"I told you to stop picking fights." He says after a second. The next thing I know, Steve is hugging James, and James is hugging back. I smile at the reunion, and I turn to look at Tony as he lands next to me. His mask flips up.  
"So guess what Tony." I say with a small smile "Apparently, beating one of those creatures to death with a prosthetic leg takes longer than you would think. I'm not sure how long, b-"  
"Is that the Winter Soldier?" He asks, not even looking at me. I look up at him raising an eyebrow.  
"Nope. It's some other guy with a bionic arm." I say sarcastically. He looks down at me, and I can finally see the anger written on his face. "Hey, are you-"  
"We're talking about this back at the mansion." He says before his mask flips shut and he takes off, immediately heading that direction. I frown, crossing my arms. After a moment, I turn back towards the others. Steve and James are just sort of awkwardly talking. What are you supposed to say to the person who tried to kill you, only to save you from drowning? What were you supposed to say to the man you tried to kill, the friend you only just recently remembered?  
I walk over to Nat. "Did you guys take the quin-jet here?" I ask, and she turns, nodding.  
"Yeah." She murmurs. "Is he... safe?"  
"Yeah."  
"You sure?" She asks, turning to me. "Because he was brainwash-"  
"Nat, I've been around him since I came to Malibu. He's fine." I say, and after a second, she nods.  
"Okay." After a few more minutes, Clint says something about going back to the quin-jet. Steve nods, and I walk forward.  
"We took my car here. I'll drive it back." I say.  
"I'll go with you." James says, and I turn, a little surprise filtering through me.  
"I thought you would want more time with..." I gesture to Steve. He nods.  
"Yeah, but they're coming back to the mansion with us. I can talk to him a lot more there, and..." He trails off before his voice gets quiet enough that only I can hear. "I'm more comfortable with them when you're around." I nod, sending him a reassuring smile.  
"Thanks for coming with me. I'm more comfortable driving when I'm not alone." I say louder, making it seem like I had asked him to drive with me. He sends me a grateful smile as the team nods. I can tell Steve is reluctant to leave, but eventually, all of us are making our way down the stairs.  
When we reach the bottom of the stairs, we split up, and I start walking towards the car. It'd only when I've walked about ten steps that I realize no one is behind me. I turn to see Steve and James talking. I wait, crossing my arms to hug myself to keep in some warmth as a cool breeze goes through. I watch as Steve gestures towards me out of the corner of my eye, and James says something before beginning to walk back towards me.  
The ride back to the mansion is quiet at the beginning, the ride taking longer than normal since I took the long way through the city to avoid the police lines.  
"Cara?" I glance over at him before returning my attention to the road.  
"Yeah?"  
"That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." I can't help it. I laugh.  
"I told you you were ready." I say when I finally finish giggling. He smiles a sort of crooked smile. When he doesn't speak again, I glance over. "It was okay, right? I mean, I know you were nervous about the whole Steve thing..."  
"What was I supposed to say to him?" James asks. I purse my lips before shrugging.  
"Hello? It's me? I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet?" I list. "How about both of you apologize for the whole murder thing?"  
"The whole murder thing?"  
"I don't know what you want to call it!" I exclaim. "The DC incident? Oops Hydra brainwashed me again, sorry I almost let you drown?" We're pulling into the garage at the mansion now, and I can tell James is giving me a strange look.  
"Thank you?" It comes out as more of a question than an actual thanks. I roll my eyes but nod, putting the car in park and turning the engine off. He starts to get out.  
"James?" He stops, turning to look at me. "After we get out of this car we're going to be around these people constantly. Living with them. So, I'm going to ask you this now because it's been bothering me since this morning." He gives me a curious look, and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "You kissed me, and I need to know if there was something behind it, or if that was really the only distraction you could think of." He blinks in surprise, staring at me. So I do what I do best in an awkward situation. I babble.  
"Because We've been living together for a while, and that's given the chance for some feelings to come into play. At first I thought they were just those feelings friends have for each other, and I ignored them, but then you kissed me, so I'm not quite sure what to do now." I glance up at him. "And this is all really awkward for me because I've never been in a relationship before. I mean, it's hard enough to get a date since I'm missing a leg, but then once someone finds out that your dad was a serial killer, it really makes any chance for a relationship go poof." I make a tiny explosion motion with my hands. It's quiet.  
"I'll uh... I'll just let you think that through." I say, opening my door.  
"Cara..."  
"No, it's fine. I just dumped a lot on you at once, and you should think it through." I say, shutting my car door. I hear his open, and I'm walking around the car towards the stairs.  
"Cara." He grabs my elbow gently, making me turn. "I kissed you because I like you." He says. A smile forms on my lips, and I reach up and press a kiss to his cheek.  
"I like you too." I say quietly. "Now we should go upstairs before they start thinking we got in an accident or something."  
"Cara." I turn towards the door as Tony walks through it, a determined look on his face, "I need to talk to you."  
"Um, okay." I say quickly. "James you should go talk to Steve." He nods, giving Tony a wary look before going through the door Tony had just come through and up the stairs. "Tony-"  
"I want the Winter Soldier out of my house. Now."

"What?" I ask in confusion, folding my arms.  
"I want him out of my house." Tony repeats, giving me a hard, unwavering look. I blink in surprise, leaning back a little.  
"Why?" I ask carefully. Tony shakes his head.  
"He's a part of HYDRA. Do I need another reason?"  
"Um, yes." I say, getting defensive. "He's not part of HYDRA anymore, they were brainwashing him and torturing him and using him as a weapon." I give him a hard look. "On top of that he's fine now, so yes. Yes, you do need another reason."  
"He's a fugitive."  
"So is Nat. In several countries. Next."  
"He's dangerous." I give Tony a look.  
"He's been with me since I got to Malibu. He's about as dangerous as a giant cuddly teddy bear covered in sparkles." I reply.  
"He's been here since you got here?" Tony exclaims, a mix of shock and anger.  
"Before, actually. I got here and he was already in the mansion. His arm was a mangled mess, and he needed someone to fix it. He thought you were the one coming, but he got me instead. I helped, and he's been here since." I explain. Tony's teeth clench together, and he looks towards the stairs where James had disappeared. "Tony, he doesn't have anywhere to go. He just got his memories back, maybe not even all of them. He just saw Steve again. You can't make him leave."  
"I can, and I will." He says, completely certain.  
"Why!" I explode. "Why do you hate him? What has he done-"  
"HE KILLED MY PARENTS CARA!" Tony explodes right back. I take a step back, startled. What was he talking about?  
"They died in a car accident. You told me that." I say with confusion. He shakes his head.  
"It was a setup. Nat told me that when she and Steve were talking to the Zola-computer man, he showed them my parents. It was a setup. They're dead, because he killed them." I cock my head, narrowing my eyes at him.  
"Come with me." I say, not giving him a choice as I walked straight for the stairs, bounding up them.  
"Cara, hold onto the railing. You're going to fall again."  
"Already did. I'd probably still be at the bottom of the stairs if James hadn't helped me." I throw back at him, walking straight into the living room. "Go over there Tony." I say, pointing to the other side of the room.  
"What? No."  
"Go. I need to talk to James, and you being right here won't help, so go." He grits his teeth, giving me a hard look before walking to the other side of the room, frustratedly running a hand through his hair.  
"What..?" Bruce starts to ask, but I shake my head, looking over at James where he was sitting next to Steve.  
"James, can I talk to you?" He nods, looking confused, but walks over.  
"Are you okay?" He asks, noticing the look on my face.  
"James, I wouldn't ask you about this if it wasn't important, okay?" I say quietly. He nods. "James, I..." I lick my lips before sighing. "I need to know if you remember killing Tony's parents." He blinks in surprise, staring at me. "I wouldn't ask normally, but Tony..." I shake my head. "I'm sorry. He has to know." James' eyes dart around the room. "I-"  
"I'm thinking." He murmurs. He suddenly straightens, turning to look at Tony. "Howard." He says, loud enough for Tony to hear. Tony jerks. "Howard and Maria Stark."  
"Don't you dare say their names." Tony says angrily.  
"I was supposed to kill them." James continues as if he hadn't heard Tony.  
"Supposed to?" I ask. James nods.  
"It was dark. I had found out where they were heading that night. I knew which road they would take." James says. "I was on a hill, a good shooting point. I was about to pull the trigger. I had him in my scope..." He trails off before looking at Tony again. "And then a semi plowed over them. I never took a shot." He glances my direction before continuing. "I got down there, but they were both dead. I left before the authorities showed up. I went back to where I was supposed to report too, but I was remembering things. How Howard helped in the war." James swallows. "They wiped me because I was remembering too much before putting me back on ice." James is tense now, and I can tell. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
"Happy now Tony?" I ask.  
"He could be lying."  
"He's not." I answer, getting more agitated by the second. "He hasn't lied to me before, and I trust that he wouldn't now." Tony opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "And if you still want to kick him out, know that I will leave with him. And I betting Steve will too." One nod from Steve.  
Tony's hands clench into fists, and he walks past, bumping into me as he goes. He walks down the stairs, and it's so quiet we can hear the door at the bottom slide open. And then a crash.  
"I should go check on him." Bruce murmurs, walking past me. "Make sure he doesn't do anything he's going to regret." I nod.  
"Thanks." I whisper. Bruce just nods once, walking down into the garage. I look up at James.  
"Looks like we're good for now." I say quietly. "I'm going to be in my room if anyone needs me."  
I disappear upstairs, letting myself be alone.

Tony wouldn't talk to me. He wasn't kicking James out, which was good, but he also wasn't talking to me at all. He barely acknowledged me.  
James was spending a lot of time with Steve, reconnecting and figuring out what they had missed in each others lives. I was happy for him, but it was a little crowded with everyone here. At least nothing had blown up yet. Emphasis on yet. I was down in the garage ninety percent of the time, and since Tony wasn't really acknowledging me, I had it to myself.  
I was almost done with my project as well, since I was spending so much time in the garage. There were only a few more bugs I needed to fix before I could take it out for a test drive.  
On the upside to all this, neither James or I had had any nightmares since the team had shown up. I just, hadn't had been able to spend any time with James either. So now I was just sitting and working in the garage by myself. I used to do it all the time, but after spending so much time down here with James, it was a little lonely.  
"Jarvis?" He immediately stops playing my music. "Thanks." I say, grabbing the screwdriver out of the drawer. "I just need to finish this, and then do you think you can download the software?"  
"Yes ma'am." It doesn't take long for me to finish the last few things, and I hook up the wires, letting the download start. "Two hours and Twenty four minutes until download is complete."  
"Great." I mutter. "What am I supposed to do until then?" I let out a long breath, looking over my blueprints. There wasn't really much I could do though.  
"May I suggest a game, miss?" Jarvis asks, a hologram of a ball appearing on the desk beside me. I look out over the garage to see something like a darts scoreboard spread out through the room, and I smile, knowingly grabbing the ball and tossing the hologram between my hands.  
"That sounds like a great idea." I murmur, tossing the ball in the scoreboards direction. Low score, but that was only a practice throw. Three more balls appear on the table, and I grab them, using my foot to push away from the work table and around to where I had better aim.  
I throw, aiming for the middle but missing terribly. I hadn't played this for a long time. More balls are appearing as fast as I'm throwing, immediately reappearing when they disappear into the scoreboard. Tony had programmed Jarvis with a lot of games when he had first taken me in, letting me play during breaks Pepper insisted I take. I missed when It had been just Tony and I, him teaching me all I wanted to know about mechanics. I remembered the few times he played with me too, though that hadn't been often. He had always been wrapped up in work stuff with Obadiah. I shudder at the thought of Obadiah. I had always hated him.  
My score gets better, and I'm not sure how long I've been throwing when someone comes down. I don't even realize that they're there until I hear someone clear their throat. I turn in surprise, my first instinct being to throw what I had in my hand, which happened to be the holographic ball. It disappears through Steve's chest, and he looks surprised for a brief moment, unsure of how to react. I glance around him, realizing it was only Steve, James nowhere to be seen.  
"Oh. Hi." I say, unsure of what else to say. "Uh, sorry. About... that."  
"Um, no problem." He says awkwardly. I motion for Jarvis to make the game disappear, and it vanishes, the only thing still up the countdown on my download.  
"What did you need Steve?" I ask, pushing myself back over to my desk. "Sorry. That sounded rude."  
"No, it's fine. I just wanted to talk to you." He says, walking over and taking a seat on the stool beside me. "It's, uh, about Bucky." I blink before remembering. It was weird hearing everyone call him that, when I was so used to calling him James. "You lied to me."  
"I... what?" I ask in surprise, caught off guard. That hadn't been what I expected him to say.  
"He told me he's been here as long as you have." Steve says, and I nod, not quite sure where he was going with this. "I called you a few weeks ago, asking you to help me look for him. He was here, and you just said you would help. You didn't tell me... you didn't even hint..." He shakes his head, and I remember what he's talking about.  
"Oh..." I whisper, looking down. After a moment, I look back up. "He wasn't ready Steve. He wasn't ready to see you." I say, not really looking at him.  
"You could've told me that. You could've explained, and I would've understood."  
"No," I say, shaking my head. "I know you would've rushed down here. I know you Steve. He wasn't ready to come face to face with you. It would've messed up all the progress we had made."  
"Who are you to even decide that?" I look up in surprise, hurt spreading across my face for a split second before it is replaced by a stone cold face.  
"As one of the few people who understand what he's going through, as a person who's been through enough therapy to judge that, I'm going to say I'm probably the best person to decide that." I say, standing.  
"Understand?"  
"Yes Steve, understand. As a person who blames deaths that aren't my fault on myself, as a person who couldn't trust anyone, as a person who is terrified that people aren't who they say they are, who lives in that constant fear, yes, I'm going to say I understand. I wouldn't expect you to though." I turn, quickly leaving, ignoring the look on his face.  
I push past Tony on the stairs, My grip on the handrail making my knuckles go white. I don't even look up.  
"Now Steve hates me. You've got that going for you too."

I had basically exiled myself to my room. Avoiding both Steve and Tony was just... too much. It had began to become awkward with everyone else, so I just... stayed in my room. It wasn't that hard. I snuck downstairs for food, and at one point I grabbed my project from the garage so I could look over it again, make sure everything was in working order. The only problem now was that I was dying of boredom.  
I needed to do something, I just wasn't sure what. I was working at the computer at the moment, going over some designs for another Stark Tower Tony was planning on building in Chicago. He really needed to work more with making the Arc reactor clean energy wider spread, but he still used the excuse that he was testing.  
I sigh, closing the blueprints and standing up, stretching tall so that my back popped. I look around my room before walking towards my closet, reaching up and grabbing an old box. "Hey Jarvis, you wanna play chess?" I ask, pulling my old set out.  
"Of course ma'am." I take all the pieces out, lining them up.  
"You get white." I say, rotating the board so that the black pieces were on my side. "You go first."  
"Knight to-" Jarvis is interrupted by a knock on my door, and I turn just in time to see the door opening a crack, James poking his head in. I raise an eyebrow curiously, surprised. I hadn't seen much of him since... he told me he liked me and I told him I liked him. I had been meaning to talk to him, but he was getting his life back. A real life. I wasn't going to get in the way of that.  
"Hi." He says quietly with a small smile. "Are you... doing anything?" I notice him glance at my chess board.  
"No..." I trail off, standing up. "I was just playing chess with Jarvis." I look up at him, waiting. "Are you just going to stand awkwardly at the door, or, you know, come in?" He steps inside, shutting the door behind him. The room plunges into an awkward silence.  
"Do you play?" I ask, breaking the tense air. "Chess, I mean."  
"I..." He trails off. "I think I do." He says, walking over and siting on the edge of my bed, the other side of the board. I sit back down.  
"Go ahead." I say, and he makes the first move.  
We do this for a while, simply playing the game quietly. A sort of... air of familiarity comes back. Just me and him. Everything is okay. It's not until I have him in checkpoint that he glares playfully at me, making me laugh a little. "In your defense, I'm betting it's been decades since you've played." I say. "I should probably give such an old man an easy win."  
"Old man?" He asks, and I shrug.  
"You and Steve both." I say, a smile dancing on my lips.  
"Jokes on you then." He says, and I raise an eyebrow curiously. "You're the one that likes an old man like that." I blink in surprise. So we were going to talk about this.  
"I do." I say, standing up from my chair, moving to sit on the bed instead. "But my old man hasn't had an actual conversation with me for almost two weeks." He falters, and I purse my lips.  
"Your old man is sorry, if that makes any difference." He says, and I nudge him with my elbow.  
"No, It's fine. I understand. You and Steve are, well, everything. You two were best friends. I get that you two need time." I say, looking up at him. "I've just.. I've missed you I guess. It's different, not being alone. It's hard. Especially with Tony acting like he is, and S-" I stop myself before I say Steve's name. "And stupid crap like that."  
"It's different." He agrees. "I don't know what I was expecting when I met Steve again. "It's just... different." He says again. I nod, not knowing what else to do. What was I supposed to say? that I understood? I knew I didn't. Not really. "And you," I look up, "you've been avoiding all of us."  
"I..." I trail off. "I work better alone. I'm used to the quiet. It's going to take me a while to get used to a big group of superheroes around. Again." My hands are in my lap, and I'm fiddling with my sleeve. "I just like being by myself. Me, Myself, and I." I look up at him. "The three of us have a very good relationship."  
"It's something more than that though, isn't it?" He asks. "You were at least in the garage and stuff, but you've been in your room for the past couple of days. I haven't seen you at all." He pauses, looking at me. "Something happened, didn't it?" I look up at him, and after a moment I lean forward, pressing my lips softly to his. Just once.  
I pull back just slightly, our faces inches apart. His cold metal hand comes up, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "That's not going to change the subject." He says after a moment, and I sigh.  
"It's nothing." I say after a second. "I retreat into my protective little shell a lot. It doesn't take much." He frowns.  
"You don't back down." He says. "You don't."  
"It's different." I say. "With people I care about. The people that are special in my life. I don't take crap from most people, but with the important people... it hurts. I just end up retreating." He has a concerned look on his face now, and I look at the ground.  
"What happened?" He asks. "Was it Tony?"  
"No." I say, shaking my head. He gives me a hard look, and I let out a huff. "Steve... broke down on me, okay? He was angry that I hadn't called him and told him that you were here, and that I kept it a secret." He blinks in surprise. "I would've done the same thing if I were him. And I did end up telling him off. I just... retreated." I sigh and lean back on the bed, my leg still dangling off the edge. After a moment James joins me.  
"Steve, he doesn't blow up on people." He says quietly.  
"Everyone has their moments, Barnes." I say with a yawn. "Everyone." I blink tiredly. I hadn't realized how late I had stayed up the night before, and it was hitting me now. James is quiet, and within minutes, I'm drifting off to sleep in that blissful silence.  
I wake up to shouting. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my head as I look over at the clock. I had only been out an hour. I hadn't even taken my leg off. I stand, walking for the door, the shouts getting louder the closer I got to the stairs. I quietly step down them, my back against the wall until I can see between the gap between the stairs and the ceiling of the room below. It was Steve and James, and they were shouting about...  
Me.

I froze on the stairs when I heard my name in the shouting, and I couldn't tell who had yelled it. I blink before looking around, wondering where the heck everyone was. I knew it was wrong, but I just... stood there. listening.  
Yeah, I know. I hit creeper status. But this involved me, and I wanted to know what was going on. IT took a minute for me to realize exactly why they were yelling about me.  
"Because she could have told me Bucky! Cara could've just told me what was going on, and I would've understood!"  
"I know you Steve! You wouldn't have just sat and waited. You can't just sit and wait. It's not in your nature!" James yells back. "You don't stand down, even when you need too!"  
"Cara could've-"  
"No, she couldn't!" James cuts Steve off.  
"Yes-"  
"I was holding a gun on her Steve!" James yells, and Steve hesitates, blinking in shock at James' revelation. "When Stark called her when she first got here, I held a gun on her." He takes a deep breath. "And every time she got a call after that, I tensed. I was ready to do it again, and she could see that." What? No.  
"That wasn't you." Steve finally says.  
"It was a part of me. It was something I did Steve, and I regret it. Cara did what she thought was best, and I agree with her. I wasn't ready." James says. They were calming down. Steve glances around the room. "She did the right thing, and now she's getting yelled at by you, and you're telling her she's wrong, and that Stark guy is making her feel like crap. She's been hiding in her room, and none of you even noticed." Steve frowns.  
"It's not that we haven't noticed Buck," he starts, "it's just... Cara does that. She disappears to her room for days at a time. The record Tony has of none of us seeing her is twelve days." He lets his shoulders drop a little. "It's not that we don't see that, it's that we see she needs space sometimes." James is quiet for a second.  
"That doesn't bother any of you? Just because she does it a lot, you all think nothing is wrong?" James gives him an incredulous look. "I went up there and talked to her, and she straight out told me something was wrong." He takes a step back from Steve. "If she's really hiding in her room that often, I don't want to know what you all did to make her upset so many times."  
He turns, and I realize he's headed for the stairs. I'm frozen for a split second before I move, racing up the stairs as quietly as I could. I slip into my room, going to the bed and lying back down in the position I had been in when I had woken up. I let my eyes drift closed, and I fake sleep.  
I hear a small knock on my door, and after a moment I hear it open. There's a soft sigh, and I hear footsteps. Suddenly, I'm being lifted into the air, one warm arm and one cold metal one lifting me easily. It takes everything in me not to jerk in surprise, and a few seconds later James is laying me back on my bed in a more comfortable position, covering me with my comforter.  
I wait until the door clicks shut behind him as he leaves before sitting up, looking towards the door.  
James... defended me. Against Steve.

"Running basic functions, test one." I say aloud, knowing that Jarvis was recording this. My prosthetic lay on the table next to me, and my project in front of me. "I am fastening the device to my leg..." I trail off, making sure it was a snug fit. It wasn't going anywhere soon. "And touch pad is attached to palm..." I check the strap around my wrist, making sure the controls on the pad were withing my fingertips' reach.  
"Ma'am, I highly suggest that you wake one of the others in case of injury." Jarvis says.  
"If I get hurt, and I mean seriously hurt, not bumps and bruises, then go ahead and wake the whole house. Until then, shush." I say, standing up. It was going to take me a while to get used to walking on this leg, just like every time I had a new prosthetic. I'd get the hang of it though.  
I take a few steps to the center of the garage. I was going to need to put some sort of padding in this if I didn't want blisters later, but it was fine for the moment. "Okay, walking is fine, everything looks good." I say, glancing down at the touch pad. "Deploying board." I touch the control on my pad...  
And I'm on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, pain running through my back and butt. "Ow..." I mutter, blinking a few times. "That isn't serious Jarvis." I say quickly. I pull myself into a sitting position, looking at my leg. The hoverboard had deployed from the bottom of my new foot like it was supposed too, but it knocked my feet out from under me, hitting my other foot with force. I look down at my touch pad, using the control to put the board back in the foot.  
"Okay, so test one failed." I glance down at the leg. "But I've got some ideas."

"This... this is a problem." I mutter to myself. After working most of the night, I was finally hovering on the board, but... I was kinda stuck. I had been practicing getting on, just activating the board as I jumped, landing on the board as it kicks on. Now getting down was the problem.  
I was hovering over a glass end table, and I wasn't quite sure how I had hovered over here. I was moving all over, but I wasn't quite prepared to hit the ground from how far up I was. Five feet didn't seem like a lot, but it would jar my leg when I landed. And that was if I didn't land on my butt.  
So I was just trying to get back to the empty space in the middle of the garage, and failing miserably.  
"What are you doing?" My head jerks up to see Tony standing in the middle of the garage, giving me a strange look. I wobble with my balance, and I let out a little yelp as I try to make myself steady again.  
"Practicing. Working out the bugs." I finally say once I'm balanced. I'm farther from the open space than I was before.  
"Why are you doing that at..." He glances at his watch. "Five in the morning?"  
"Because I thought I could work alone." I reply. I lean slightly to the side, trying to move. I start moving backwards, and I curse.  
"Do you want some help?" He asks with an amused look on his face. I give him a glare.  
"I'm fine." I say. "I just need to-" I let out a surprised noise when the board jerks, and I drop into a crouch, both hands clutching a side of the board, somehow keeping myself balanced.  
"You sure?" I glare at him again, slowly looking at the touch pad on my palm. I use my middle finger to press a button, reducing the force keeping me up. The board drops about three feet, and I gasp.  
"Okay, okay..." I stand up again, before touching the pad on my palm. The board shoots back into the bottom of my foot, and I drop. I land uneasily on my feet, stumbling for a second. I steady myself, gripping the back of a chair. I lean down, quickly taking the leg off and lying it on the counter, sitting myself in the chair I had been using for support. I curse when I see the large blisters. Should've put the padding in earlier. I take the touch pad off my palm, laying it next to the leg.  
"That looks painful." I look up at Tony, who was walking over with the first aid kit Pepper insisted we keep down here. He swings the other chair around so it's facing me. I look back down at my leg, not looking up as he opens the kit. The two largest blisters had popped and it hurt, but I wasn't telling Tony that.  
He hands me the creme without a word, and I start spreading it on the blisters, covering the smaller ones with band-aids as I moved along. The front one that had popped I cover, but the one on the back of my leg I can't quite reach all the way. I can't see it enough.  
"Cara."  
"I've got it." I huff.  
"Look, I get it, you're mad, but let me help you out." He says, snatching the creme from me. I open my mouth to protest. "Yes, I get it, you're mad at me. But I've done this before, and we both know that if this gets infected you might lose your entire bottom half, so just let me get this, okay?"  
"Jerk." I mutter, and he slides my chair closer to him. I hold my leg, stump if I'm being fully accurate, up so that he can see it all. He had done this before. Blisters formed more often than I had liked to admit the first few years I lived here. Tony ended up getting fed up with them and designed padding that didn't irritate my leg. But there had always been some part of my leg that I couldn't see, and I could never be sure if I had gotten it all.  
I flinch like I always do when someone else touches my leg. I didn't mind when people looked at it, when people stared. But when someone touched it, a doctor, a nurse, anyone, it just made it... more real. It made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of. It was stupid, I knew that, but that didn't stop the feeling from resurfacing.  
"There." Tony presses a large bandage onto it. "Done." I let my leg back down onto the chair. We sit in silence for a moment, and I notice Tony looking at the leg. "So that's your project, huh?" He asks, and I nod.  
"I got the idea from you and a couple other things." I say with a sigh, leaning back in the chair. It's silent for a moment. "Why are you awake? I already told you why I was." I ask.  
"Couldn't sleep." He answers simply. I nod, not really wanting to stand up or even attempt to go get my other prosthetic. I was honestly exhausted. "I..." Tony begins, and I look at him as he trails off. "I overheard something today. Yesterday. Whatever." He shakes his head. "Steve and Bucky were fighting, heck, I think everyone heard it." He's a little surprised when I nod.  
"I know." I say quietly.  
"Right..." He fiddles with the end of his sleeve. "Anyway... it made me think. A lot. About... about you." I purse my lips. "Bucky said something. And now that I think about it..." It's like he's having trouble bringing what's on his mind into words. "I hurt you a lot, don't I? With things I say or do." It's my turn to blink in surprise. "It's just, I've been thinking. I do so many stupid things, say so much crap, and I don't mean to hurt you Cara. I never even thought about when you stayed in your room. I just thought it was something you did."  
"I..." I can't find any words, and I end up just biting my lip.  
"I didn't mean to hurt you, when we got here. When I saw him. Car, I was just so upset, and so many emotions were running high... I thought he had killed my parents." He sighs. "And I'm sorry." It goes silent for a while. "Now I just feel like a colossal jerk."  
"You are a colossal jerk." I say with a small smile. "But I guess you're my colossal jerk." He smiles, realizing I was accepting his apology. "Now you need to help me get my other leg so I can actually go to bed."

I jerk awake, sitting up quickly and looking around my room wildly. There was a lot of light coming through my window, and the clock on the wall told me it was noon. The knock on my door repeats, and it's then that I realize that is what woke me up.  
I tiredly grab my cane, swinging my leg over the side of my bed and hauling myself up. I open the door just as Steve started to knock again, and I lean on my cane. He quickly shoves his hand into his pocket, glancing around my room.  
"You need something Steve?" I ask, yawning.  
"I, uh... I wanted to apologize to you." He says after a moment, and I raise an eyebrow curiously. "For going off on you. About Bucky, and not telling me. I was frustrated, and I think I just took it out on you." He shifts. "Look, it's not... I haven't spent time with him. Since I realized he was alive. Not till I came back here. You knew better than I did. Even Bucky told me that."  
"James is smart." I say. "But... apology accepted." I finally say, and I see him physically relax. I go to shut the door as he turns. "Oh, and Steve?" He stops, looking back at me. "Make sure next time you and James fight, the whole mansion doesn't hear it." I only see him blink in surprise before I shut my door.

"What were you thinking?" Pepper yells, and I flinch. "You just throw yourself into dangerous situations-"  
"He's not dangerous." I say, cutting her off and earning a look. "I'm just saying. He's perfectly safe. You weren't in any danger when you were here. He was more scared that you were going to find him and call everyone." She sighs at that, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
"How am I supposed to be mad at you for protecting someone?" She asks with a long sigh.  
"You aren't?" I say hopefully. She gives me another look, but this time it's less of a glare and more of an annoyance filled gaze. She shakes her head.  
"Fine, fine." She mutters, and I smile. "Stop that, you're still in trouble."  
"I'm twenty three. What are you going to do, ground me?"  
"Very possibly." She mutters, making me laugh. She finally smiles then. Pepper never could stay mad at me for very long. "Fine, you aren't in trouble. But you are telling me what went on while it was just you two."  
"Pep..." I trail off, shaking my head. That woman lived to gossip sometimes.  
"I'm serious. Come shopping with me today." I make a face. "I know, not your favorite thing, but c'mon. I need some girl time. Nat is coming..." I sigh.  
"Fine." I relent, and she smiles. "If James is comfortable without me here. I've been with him since everyone has gotten here, I want to make sure he feels okay with it."  
"Alright, alright. Go be a knight in shining whatever." She says, motioning for me to leave. I roll my eyes, making my way through the house. I was back in my old leg, taking a break from experimenting with my project.  
I wasn't quite sure where James was, but I took an educated guess and headed towards the kitchen. I wasn't sure why, just a feeling. I push open the doors to see James and Steve talking.  
"And they don't just... boil everything." I raise my eyebrows at that. What on earth...? "Food actually tastes good."  
"I hope so." I say, making them both look quickly in my direction. I don't miss how James automatically tenses, before relaxing when he saw that it was me. He was still jumpy. "James, can I talk to you?" I ask, tilting my head towards the hall. He nods after a second, standing silently. He still acted like a cat sometimes, barely making any noise.  
We walk into the hallway, and I stop a little ways from the door. "Pepper wants me to go out with her. Shopping, unfortunately." I say, and his eyebrows furrow.  
"You'd... you're leaving?"  
"Only for a couple of hours." I say. "I just wanted to be sure you were comfortable without me here." And that's when I see it. A flash of the James from a few months ago. The one that was terrified to find himself. Of who he was. "If you aren't, I won't go." I add quickly. "It's not really a big deal, and it gets me out of shopping." He hesitates, clearly debating.  
"I... I can handle it." He says after a long moment. It doesn't sound like a statement, but more like a question. "You can go."  
"You sure?" I ask, reaching up and putting a hand on his arm, a flash of concern going through me. "It's not a big deal."  
"You shouldn't have to make decisions all around me. You should go." He says and I sigh.  
"I don't make all my decisions because of you, thank you very much." I say, raising an eyebrow. "I'm just concerned for you." He looks down at me, gaze softening.  
"Sorry." He whispers. I shake my head.  
"What am I going to do with you?" I ask quietly, shaking my head with a small smile. I reach up a little, cupping his cheek in my hand. "This okay?" I ask, his breath mingling with mine as he comes a little closer.  
"This, this I'm sure is perfectly okay." He whispers, leaning down. I smile as his lips meet mine, and I can't help but get lost in the feeling. My arms wrap around the back of his neck, holding him to me as his hands go to my waist, holding me up. His soft lips dance with mine, moving in perfect sync. His tongue traces along my lip, and suddenly he's pulling back, gently biting my bottom lip once before pulling completely away. My eyes open fully, and I have to fight not to pant for breath.  
"I don't know what you did in your spare time in the forties." I say quietly. "But holy... you can kiss like the devil." He smiles, and I reach up on my tip toes. "Do it again?"

"But what are we shopping for?"  
"We're just shopping Cara. Not really for anything specific." Pepper says. I groan.  
"What on earth is the point of shopping if we don't have anything we need to shop for?" I ask. Nat is walking beside us, simply watching our conversation with amusement.  
"For fun."  
"This isn't fun." I mutter. "This is cruel and unusual punishment." Pepper rolls her eyes as Nat chuckles.  
"Don't be so overdramatic. Just relax. Enjoy the day." She says cheerily. I let out a long sigh, adjusting the shopping bags I was carrying. Not mine, Pepper's.  
"You two are ridiculous, has anyone ever told you that?" Nat asks. We both just shrug and nod.  
"Ooh, let's go in here." Pepper says, pulling me into some fancy dress store. I groan, but follow, letting her use me as basically a bag holder. "You should try some of these on Cara." She says, holding up a dress.  
"Not a chance." I say quickly. "Do you know how easily a dress can get caught on my leg?" She purses her lips, narrowing her eyes at me. I used that excuse every time we went shopping.  
"Fine." She says, and I blink in surprise. "You'll just have to try on shorter dresses if you're so worried about it."  
"Wait, what?"  
"She got you there." Nat calls. "Try this one." She tosses a dress at me.  
"Guys, I don't need a dress." I protest. "Where on earth will I be going that I need a dress?"  
"You don't need to have an event in mind to get a dress, Cara." Pepper says. "Sometimes you need to buy a dress for a pick me up. Something to make you feel good. Something to make you feel pretty."  
"Or maybe a date?" I barely hear Nat mutter the words, and Pepper misses them completely. I turn,giving her a curious look.  
"A date? I'm sorry, have you seen my social life?"  
"Yeah, it's pitiful." She comments. "But your love interest... now that's getting spicy." I feel the blood drain from my face, and Nat laughs, handing me another dress.  
"Spies always know Cara. We always know."

"I'm ordering Pizza."  
"We had pizza like four days ago." Tony argues, and I raise an eyebrow.  
"Hey Tony, I'm working on target practice for my new leg. Wanna help and be a target?" I ask, and he rolls his eyes, quietly muttering 'fine' under his breath. I smile, glancing around. "Usual order?" I get nods all around. Getting James to eat different foods was still slightly difficult, and I ended up mixing it up with my pizza order, moving from a simple pepperoni to a chicken bacon ranch. It was actually very funny, the look he gave me. One of absolute betrayal.  
Then he tried it and everything was okay again.  
I grab my phone, quickly ordering online and walking through the living room. I collapse face-first on the couch with a groan. I was becoming bored out of my mind here. There wasn't much to do besides work with my new leg, and even with that I could only do so much before needing to take a break.  
"You okay kid?" Tony asks, and I flip him the bird, making him laugh. He knew I hated it when he called me kid.  
"I'm fine, you people are just boring." I say, turning over. That gets several raised eyebrows, and I roll my eyes with a sigh. "I'm just bored."  
"Sorry we don't cater to your every whim." Tony says.  
Yeah, you should really get on that. The service around here is terrible. I hear Clint laugh, along with a couple others. Tony sighs.  
"Maybe we'll just go to the beach or something." He says, and I sigh.  
"But I want something to do now..." I trail off, giving him puppy dog eyes. As if on cue, my phone starts to ring. "Huh. Weird." I mutter, pulling it out of my pocket. "Unknown number. Hello?" I answer it in a slightly deeper voice, and I see James raise an eyebrow.  
"Um..." The voice on the other line trails off. "Is this, uh, Cara Charn?"  
"This is she." I say after a moment, back in my regular voice. "Who is this?"  
"Ah, right. Sorry. My name is Travis." There's a long pause before he adds, "Maddox. Travis Maddox. Sorry." He adds again.  
"Um... I don't know any Travis's, I'm sorry." I say after a long moment. Tony gives me a weird look, and I shrug.  
"You probably don't remember me. We only met once, and you were kind of, well, eight. And in hysterics." I frown.  
"Okay, who is this, and how did you get this number?" I ask, sitting up. Im getting concerned looks now.  
"Oh, sorry." He says, and I want to yell at him to make him stop apologizing. "My brother's girlfriend works at the phone company. I called in a favor." I wait. "I'm, well, I knew your father." I freeze.  
"What?" I ask in a quiet, strangled voice. "You... no." I say after a second, shaking my head.  
"I did. I was in the cell next to him for a really long time. We became, well, I'm not going to say friends. That's a bit of a stretch." I take a second to swallow the growing lump in my throat.  
"This isn't funny." I say after a long moment. "Saying you were friends with my father, it's not funny." I see James take a step forward, concern growing on his face. Tony just looks startled, as if he's unsure of what to do. "I'm going to hang up now, and you are going to lose this number, understand?"  
"Wait!" He exclaims. "Wait, I really did know your father. I only got out of jail a week ago." My jaw is set, stiff. "Before he... died, he gave me something. He asked me to find you when I got out and give it to you." My lips feel dry, and I'm completely still.  
"Whatever it is, I don't want it." I say, my voice shaky. "I don't want anything from him." I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I can tell who's it is by the cold metal.  
"Well, it's... it's a letter. I haven't read it, I swear." He says quickly. "I just want to give it to you. Your father seemed pretty desperate for you to see it."  
"I don't care." I say. "I don't care, and I don't want it. I don't want anything from him. Now if you're smart, you'll forget about it and burn that letter." I don't let him respond. "Goodbye." I hang up quickly.  
My hand drops to my lap, and my phone slips between my fingers, hitting the ground. I don't even move to pick it up. I bite my lip hard, trying not to look like I was about to panic.  
"Cara-"  
"I need some fresh air." I say quickly, cutting Tony off. I stand, pulling my shoulder away from Bucky's hand. I walk quickly towards the sliding door, practically shoving it open and closing it with a loud slam. I make my way around the pool, leaning on the guardrail on the edge of the concrete. It was stopping me from going straight into the ocean. I rest my elbows on the metal bar, burying my face in my hands. I was shaking.  
My father had left me a letter. What was I supposed to even begin to do with that?  
I raise my head, looking out over the ocean. There was a cold breeze coming off of it, but I didn't mind. I run a hand through my hair, wrapped up in my thoughts. My father. I take in a deep, shuddering breath before looking around, sinking into the beach chair beside the railing. I just needed to get my mind strait.  
I wasn't having anything to do with my father. That much was certain. I never would.  
Not again.

There is some stronger language in this chapter. Be warned.

It's a long time before I walk back inside. Mostly, it's because of how cold it gets, with the freezing spray coming off the ocean. Otherwise, I probably would've stayed out there a few more hours. I would've waited for everyone to go to bed.

One step inside, and I'm already getting a few concerned and curious looks. Tony opens his mouth, probably ready to ask what had happened, but I say anything before he can. "I'm going out for a while. I just need to grab a jacket."

"Cara-"

"It's a letter Tony." I say, before he can ask, barley looking at him. My eyes are trained on the door. "My dad left a letter for me with this Travis guy. I don't want to think about it." I could smell the pizza's, but it was pretty clear no one had eaten.

"At least take someone with you." He says after a long moment. "You aren't exactly known to make the best decisions when you're emotional." I shoot Tony a blood-freezing glare, and he holds his hands up. "Hey, I'm not wrong here. Take Stevie or something." I don't speak for a long moment.

"James? You comfortable going out this late?" I ask quietly, and he's on his feet, nodding almost before I can finish my sentence. I smile gratefully, ignoring the obvious look on Tony's face. One that said he'd rather it was anyone else. I didn't care at the moment.

I get down to the garage pretty quickly, and I'm on the road in minutes, making my way past the city. I knew James wanted to ask, but one look at my knuckles, white from how hard I'm gripping the steering wheel, makes him stay quiet. The city fades into the distance behind us as I continue to drive, time passing in the silence.

I'm driving fast on the roads, above the speed limits. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop myself. We were alone on the road, and until I saw another car, I couldn't bring myself to slow.

One hour zooms past, and then another. I hear a ding, and one glance at the dashboard tells me what I didn't want. I needed gas. My jaw clenches as we drive past a gas station, and I flip on my turn signal on a road with a sign that says 'dead end. Cliff face'. I'm forced to slow down a lot as I drive up the windy road for a few moments, the steep incline barely noticeable.

The car rolls to a stop when the road crumbles from asphalt o dirt, a large stop sign with wooden beams in the headlights. I throw the car in park, cutting the engine and tossing the keys in the cupholder. I sit there for a moment, simply looking out the front windshield at the cliff in front of us.

"Cara?" James's quiet voice splits the silence. "Cara, are you okay?" After a long moment, I uncoil my seatbelt, opening the door and pulling myself out of the car. I hear James do the same, his footsteps heavy as he hurries in front of me. "Cara-" I shake my head, moving past him and the wooden posts.

James is right behind me, ready to grab me. I knew what he was thinking. He was worried I was about to throw myself over the edge. I'm not going too. I've lived through too much to commit suicide.

I stop about ten feet from the edge, the breeze ruffling my hair. I lick my lips, feeling James's body heat from how close he was. And that's when I do it.

I let out a soul-ripping scream.

James jumps back, eyes wide as he scans the area. He's trying to figure out what is making me scream. There isn't anything, and I continue to let it out. I let it off my chest.

I fall to the ground, jarring my knee, though I don't care. My scream ends finally, and I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. My fingers scramble as I work, trying frantically to get the straps undone. I feel a cold metal hand on my shoulder, and it makes me realize I'm shaking.

I grab the base of my prosthetic, yanking it off. I use every ounce of strength I can muster, throwing my leg as far, and as hard as I can. It hits a large rock, sending it spinning, spiraling over the edge and into the darkness.

"Damn him!" I scream, a choked sob forcing its way up my throat. "Damn him to hell! The Bastard!"

James is in front of me, wrapping me into his arms, holding me close as I continue to sob. "Why? Why can he still do this to me? Damn him..." I'm holding onto James for dear life, burying my face into his shoulder. He doesn't even need to ask about who I'm talking about.

I can't stop crying, my tears staining his shirt. I was shaking so badly as sobs continued to pour out of me. James didn't say anything, just made shushing sounds as he stroked my hair with his real hand, rubbing my back with his metal one.

He holds me until I finally run out of tears to cry. He holds me until, after so long, I stop shaking. He holds me until I feel like I've finally pieced myself back together enough to move.

I pull back a little, and his arms ease up slightly, still keeping me close to him. I look up at him, licking my dry lips and rubbing my eyes. "So throwing my leg off the cliff seems like it might have been a bad idea in retrospect." James let's out a long breath, a small crooked smile crossing his face.

"Just a little." He says quietly. His shoulders sag slightly, and I reach up, cupping his cheek.

"I'm sorry. I just..." He nods, his scruff scrapping the inside of my hand. "I don't know what came over me."

"We all need to let it out sometimes." He whispers. I look into his eyes for a few moments before leaning up, pressing my lips to his. It's just a soft, sweet kiss, barley lasting a few seconds. It was what I needed right then though.

We sit there for a few moments, just letting the silence creep in. After a while, I sigh, looking up at James. "We should go..." I trail off. He nods absentmindedly. I glance at my stump before looking up at him sheepishly. "Help me?" I ask, and he chuckles, helping me up.

He waits until I'm in the drivers seat to go around to the passenger side of the car. I'm feel lighter as I back up, turning around on the small road. I barely glance at the fuel gauge, turning into the first station I see.

There's a short argument about who was going to go out of the car and pump the gas, which ended with me pointing out that he had two legs and I didn't. I rolled down the window, telling him how to work the machine. It had a little more tech than he was used to, from his limited forties knowledge.

I'm not sure at what point I noticed it, but sometime between beginning to pump the gas and him getting back in the car after paying with my card, something changed. I frown, rolling my window back up.

"James-"

"Cara, don't panic, don't freeze." He says in a low, quiet voice. I turn smoothly, starting the car. My heart began to thud in my chest. "The two men that are getting gas on down the line, the woman in the store, and the two men waiting in the other car for her. You see them?" I glance in the mirrors, nodding once as I shifted the car into drive.

"Why?"

"They're all HYDRA."

"Hydra?" I'm trying to keep my voice as calm as possible as I pull out of the gas station. Both the large Truck getting gas, and the car with the giant black van pull out behind me. The woman must have left the store as soon as she saw James getting in the car. "Are you-"

"I'm positive." I take drive just a little faster, hitting the speed limit. There was nowhere to turn. This was a highway in the middle of nowhere. I curse under my breath, my eyes flicking constantly between the road and my rear view mirror.

"Okay. We're fine. I mean, they saw you. You didn't bring a hoodie." I say, trying not to speed. If I started speeding, they would know I knew about them. "So what do we do?" It's quiet for a long moment. "'Cause they're on our tail. I have one leg and no replacement prosthetic on me. We also don't have any way to defend ourselves." I hear a click, and one glance at James shows the gun he's holding. "Never mind that last part then."

"Just drive. Keep them away from Stark's house. Until we have a chance to lose them, we need to act like we don't know." I nod wordlessly, my grip tightening on the wheel. My nerves are on edge, and I can't help but adjust how I'm sitting a few times.

"Do you know them?" I ask quietly, needing it not to be silent.

"I recognized them. They're high up in HYDRA. All of them have high track records of getting things done, no matter what." James says. He's completely stiff in his seat, eyes trained on his side mirror. "Do you remember the news talking about the plane that went missing for months? They eventually fished parts of it out of the ocean?" I nod, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "That was them. There was a route agent on the plane."

I swear again.

"Okay. Alright." I say after a long stretch of silence. We were coming up on the city, the lights twinkling in the distance. "Okay." I repeat after a long moment.  
"Nervous?" James shoots a sideways glance at me, and I shake my head.  
"You kidding me? I've always wanted to be in a high speed car chase. It's like real life mario kart, but without the power ups." There's a moment of silence, and then,  
"If it's like Mario Kart, then I should probably be driving."  
"Shut up you jerk." We get closer to the city. Just as I go to turn on the first off ramps, one of the cars move. It drives into the other lane, speeding up, gaining on us. "James..."  
"I see it." He murmurs quietly. The van continues to speed up, side by side with the HYDRA truck. I glance at James, unsure of what to do. If it got much closer, I was going to punch it, whether James liked it or not. They were getting too close for my liking.  
"Punch it!" James suddenly exclaims, and I slam my foot to the floor. The car jerks forward, and I'm suddenly glad Tony had insisted on fixing a fast, sporty car for me to be able to drive instead of the cute little bug I had wanted. The more speed I was able to get at the moment, the better.  
Our jerk forward was so sudden that we got a few extra seconds on them, speeding away as it takes them a moment to realize what had happened. The second they do though, they're on us. Their black cars creep forward, getting closer and closer.  
"What am I supposed to do?" I ask, almost yelling. I wasn't sure where to go, or what to do, or how to get away.  
"The city." James says quickly, looking almost calm. "We can lose them easier in the city."  
"But-"  
"And, if a camera catches it, the others might see. We could get help." James adds, cutting off my voice of protest. I purse my lips, worried.  
"There are civilians." I say, wishing the car would go faster.  
"It's three in the morning. People shouldn't be out, and we have to risk it." He says, and I just nod. He was right. It was our best chance.  
And then the first bullet hit our car. My eyes widen as James rolls down the window. "Try to lose them." He says.  
"What are you doing?" I exclaim, making a sharp right turn, almost hitting the sidewalk. He leans out the window, turned so he can see behind us. He makes two quick shots, both bouncing off the car.  
"Protecting you, firing at them." He replies.  
"Then aim for the tires." I shoot back, making a quick left, going uphill. I don't see his reaction, and suddenly he's leaning back out the window, firing twice again. The large van's tires screech as it swerves, slamming into a pole. The front end of it crumples, and I don't want to imagine what the inside looks like.  
James has a cool air about him, completely calm. His face is set, and he's shooting like it's natural. It is natural. He'd probably done this before. This was something he was used too.  
I make several more sharp turns, almost hitting a few random benches or poles, trying to keep the car in control. The truck was gaining on us, shooting fast. James couldn't get back out the window, every time he tried they fired directly at him. He couldn't take the chance.  
I let out a small shriek when my back window shatters, sinking into my seat further. I hear James curse loudly as the sound of gunfire becomes more constant. James shoots, through the back window now that it was gone. He gets a few good shots in, but they're on our trail.  
My phone is going off like crazy. I could feel it buzzing in my back pocket, but there was no way I was going to try to get to it. I knew that James had been right, that someone had seen our car chase. I could nly hope Tony showed up soon. Or Steve. Or anyone, for that matter.  
I let out a scream when my shoulder becomes a burst of pain. James jerks, looking at me.  
"Cara!-" He's cut off as the gunfire splits the night again. They had shot my shoulder, and the car had swerved. It scrapes against a bench, but I'm able to pull it back into the road.  
The truck behind us suddenly explodes, becoming a ball of fire. It flips end over end before finally landing upside down in the middle of the street. I Hit the breaks, hearing the car screech to a stop. We're a couple of hundred yards away, and I don't make any move to get out. The pain in my shoulder, it was burning like a fire.  
"Cara, are you okay? I need you to look at me." James is trying to get me too move, and I grit my teeth. I hear something land outside, and my door opens.  
"What the heck guys? I was joking when I said you do emotional things..." He trails off, and his faceplate opens. "Uh, Cara?"  
"What?" I hiss, glaring at him, clutching my shoulder.  
"Why do you have only one...?"  
"There was an incident, and now it's at the bottom of a cliff if that's okay with you." I say in a low voice. There's a long silence.  
"Okay. Let's just get you two out of here."

Tony had ended up folding his suit into it's suitcase form, putting it in the back, and booting me into the backseat. I didn't complain, seeing as a bullet had just been put in my shoulder. James Sat in the back with me without a word, taking the napkins I had in the glove compartment and pressing them against the bleeding wound. I nearly cried out when he first pressed against it, biting my lip hard.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He whispers quietly. I just nod silently, blinking away any tears.  
"I'm taking you to the hospital." Tony says, going to turn.  
"No!" I hated hospitals, and he knew that. He looks at me in the rear view mirror with an agitated look.  
"You got shot in the shoulder Cara. You're going to the hospital. I don't care." He says. He was in a rumpled t-shirt and jeans, having obviously rushed here from the mansion.  
"Bruce is a doctor-"  
"He's not that kind of doctor, and you know it." Tony snaps, and I let out a frustrated sigh, then a sharp gasp when James presses down a little harder on my shoulder.  
"You need pressure." James says quietly, biting his lip. I grit my teeth, nodding.  
"Didn't you say Bruce was studying some first aid?" I ask in a strained tone. "He can pull a bullet out, right? Or Nat or Clint? They're agents. Surely they've done that in the field." Tony glares at me again, but I don't back down.  
"I think you should go to the hospital."James says quietly.  
"And you'll do what? You don't have anything to cover that up. The police will be there in minutes." I snap, and he blinks at me in surprise. I let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry." I say quietly, and he nods. He remains tense though, and inside I feel like I'm dying. I just screwed that up. I just messed up so badly. I let my eyes close, my head dropping a little.  
"The hospital-"  
"No Tony!" It goes silent, and I can't help but be slightly relieved when he turns a direction that will go to the mansion. "I... I'm sorry..." I shake my head. "I just..."  
"You're fine Cara. You always get this way when you're in pain." I blink in surprise at Tony, then at James, who was nodding.  
"What way?"  
"Bossy." Tony says. I'm not surprised by Tony's bluntness, but I am surprised by James nodding along. When I raise an eyebrow at him, he just stares back at me.  
"He's not wrong. You do." I frown.  
"I just got shot, and now I'm being verbally attacked. Thanks guys." The car rolls to a stop inside the garage, and Tony quickly shuts the car off. He and James both help me out, seeing as I still only had one leg.  
"What were you thinking?" Pepper yells when she sees us. "You were in a car chase? Where is your leg? Are you hurt? Did you get shot?"  
"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." I say with a half-smile.  
"Don't quote Tony at me!" She exclaims. "Why aren't you at a hospital?" There's a heartbeat of silence, and she turns to Tony. "Why didn't you make her go to a hospital?"  
"Because I'm stubborn Pepper." I groan. "Now can I please get the bullet out of me?" I loved Pepper to death, don't get me wrong, but in times of panic she wasn't always the calm one. She grinds her teeth together, and James and Tony finally lead me past her.  
I hate that they have to practically carry me up the stairs. James was trying to keep pressure on my shoulder, and was still supporting most of my weight. Tony was on my other side, and my hopping wasn't helping. "Nat..." Tony asks when we hit the top. "Brucie..."  
"Oh my..."  
"Hey Bruce, it's your first chance to use your first aid skills." I say with a small smile, and his eyes widen as he jumps off the couch.  
"Okay, uh... right. One second." He quickly moves out of the room, and James sets me on the couch.  
"You got shot?" Clint asks. I nod, glancing at them.  
"You've both removed bullets, right?" I ask, and they both give me weird looks. I wait for them to say something, and Bruce walks quickly back into the room with a large first aid box.  
"It hurts, you know that right?" Clint asks, giving me a look.  
"I've had a leg cut off, so I'm guessing if it hurts that bad, it'll come second."  
"You can't use that leg as an excuse for everything." Tony mutters.  
"Who says?" I ask. "I think it is a perfect excuse. It got me out of gym class for all of my high school career. You kno- OW!" Bruce had taken off the napkins that were sticking to my shoulder from the blood. He was looking at it, trying to clean the blood from around it.  
"This was HYDRA?" I hear Steve ask. James had made his way to the back of the room, where Steve was standing. I set my jaw as I here Bruce an Nat whispering, obviously about how to get the bullet out. Shoot, this was going to hurt.  
"I didn't think... they shot her." I glance up, my eyes meeting James's.  
"James, can I borrow you?" I ask, trying to get him out of that mindset. He nods, immediately walking over. "I need your hand." He frowns, confused, but gives me his hand. I shake my head. "No, your other one." He hesitates before giving me his metal hand. "Good, I need something that isn't going to break."  
"What?"  
"This is going to hurt." I say. "And I can squeeze this hand without it hurting you." He nods after a second, sitting on the ground next to the couch.  
"Okay, Cara, I need you to lay on your stomach. I need better access to your shoulder." Bruce has a scary looking metal medical instrument in his hand, and Nat is guiding him, telling him what to do. "And, um, you might pass out."  
"Right. Okay. Got it." I say, letting out a long breath as I adjust my position on the couch. "Let's do this."  
I pass out as Bruce digs the bullet out of my shoulder, holding James's hand as tightly as I can as I bite the pillow, trying not to scream.

When I woke up, my shoulder was completely wrapped in bandages. I was still in the living room, just on a different couch. I was guessing that Tony would need to get new couch cushions. Or a new couch. I wasn't sure how much blood I had gotten on it, though I was guessing quite a bit.  
My shoulder wasn't pounding with pain either, which made me think that the team had given me some sort of pain medication. I wasn't sure how, considering I was unconscious, but I was grateful.  
From where I was lying, I could see most of the team at the bar. The really faint light coming in through the windows made me guess that it was probably close to six am. I let out a long breath, trying to brace myself. I began to try to move, but I stopped myself. There was something lying on me.  
James was curled up on the side of the couch, his head resting on my non-injured arm as he slept quietly. I glance towards the quietly talking team before back at James. I didn't really want to move now. There was no reason too.  
Well, my arm had gone numb, but other than that...  
I bite my lip, thinking. I knew I should tell someone that I was up, but I really didn't want to wake James up. He looked so peaceful. All the worry, gone from his face.  
"Yeah, he wasn't leaving your side." I glance up to see Bruce looking down at me, speaking quietly. He kneels by the end of the couch, at eye level with me. "How's your arm feel?"  
"It's numb." I say quietly, and his eyebrows furrow with concern. "Oh, you mean the bullet wound? That's fine. It's just dandy." Bruce chuckles and nods.  
"Alright." He says quietly. "Well, get some rest. That's what you're gonna need for a few days." I nod, and he stands.  
"Hey Bruce?" He looks back at me. "Thanks." He smiles.  
"No problem." He replies, walking back towards the others. I hear rustling, and I glance back at James to see him shifting in his sleep, his head moving so that his cheek was resting on my arm now. I go to move my other arm, but wince, immediately putting it back where it had been lying. Note to self: don't move arm.  
I let out a long breath, looking around. My athletic leg was leaning against the other end of the couch. Someone must have grabbed it for me, realizing I was missing mine. I wasn't sure who, but I was grateful. It meant I didn't have to ask for someone to go get it.  
James shifts again, and this time I watch as his eyes flutter open. He immediately tenses, glancing around the room before his eyes land on mine. He relaxes, and I smile. "Hey sleepy head." I say quietly.  
"Are you feeling alright?" He asks, and I nod quickly.  
"You didn't have to sleep right next to me. That looked uncomfortable." I say, and he gives me a half-shrug.  
"You wanted me next to you, so I just stayed there." He says, and I let out a small laugh, shaking my head. He changes position, simply sitting on the floor next to where my head was lying on the couch. He looks at me for a long moment before looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry." He whispers quietly, making me frown.  
"Sorry? For what?"  
"HYDRA was after me, not you. You got injured because of me. You shouldn't have gotten hurt, none of this should've happened to you." He begins to speak rapidly, and I quickly move, using my now free, non-injured arm. I cup his cheek, making him look at me.  
"Hey, hey..." I say softly, stroking my thumb across his cheek. "This is not your fault. In no way did you cause this." I look into his eyes, praying that he believes me. That he sees the truth in my words. He looks away, and I feel my hope fall. "James, look at me." After a long second, he does. "If there is anything I learned in therapy, it's this. You do not get to blame yourself for other people's actions. It doesn't matter what you've done. What they do, it's not your fault. What they made you do, it's not your fault. You are a good person, understand me?"  
After an agonizingly long moment, he nods slowly. "Good." I say, slightly relaxed.  
"They're going to come after me again. After you, now that they know you're with me." He says, and I shrug.  
"Then we'll deal with that when it hits. Besides, you've got your bionic arm, and I've got my really cool leg... thing." I pause, thinking. "I really need to come up with a name for that." James finally cracks the smallest of smiles.  
"Yeah, you do." I smile back at him. After a moment, I lean forward, pressing my lips to his forehead once.  
"See? We're going to be fine." I say quietly.  
"Okay, that's it. I'm calling it." Both James and I are startled by the sudden voice, and it takes me a second to remember that everyone else was just over at the bar. "You owe me fifty Stark." Clint says, holding out his hand. I watch as Tony rolls his eyes with a dramatic sigh, getting out his wallet.  
"Really Cara? I thought I taught you to stay away from scary men." He says. "Now you've made me lose fifty bucks." I roll my eyes.  
"He isn't scary." I say, hoisting myself into a sitting position. "He's a softie with a scary expression. Like a grumpy cat plushie." James frowns at that, giving me a confused look.  
"Why do you keep comparing me to cats?" He asks, and I smile.  
"It's an accurate comparison." I reply, and he moves to my other side, going from sitting on the floor to the couch next to me. He hands me my other leg, and I slowly put it on. "I'm going to go rest. Don't do anything that needs me, okay?" I say, and James helps me up. It takes a second to balance, given that I'm still slightly woozy, but I do, and I head for my room.  
All I needed now was sleep.

My phone began to vibrate. Again. I glance down at the caller ID, seeing the same familiar number before pressing ignore. It was Travis again. He had been calling a few times a day, trying to get me to meet with him so that he could give me my father's letter. I wanted nothing to do with it, but he was insisting.  
I shove my phone into my pocket, looking around the living room. Nat, Clint, and Steve had been called away on mission, leaving Tony, Bruce, James, and I behind. Pepper was at yet another meeting in some random country. I was really starting to understand why Tony had given the company over to Pepper, and I couldn't really blame him.  
I was currently hiding in a corner of the garage. It was Tony's... junk corner. There were a lot of unfinished projects back here that blocked the view of anyone looking around the garage. I was hiding, because ever since the HYDRA attack, Jame's had gone full protective mode. He had started to stick by my side at all times, making sure he knew where I was going if I left the room he was in. I tried to leave the house, but then he brought out the semi-automatic to travel with us, and I abandoned the idea. He had looked relieved.  
At first, I hadn't minded it. It was cute even, his over protectiveness. But man, a girl needed her space. I only got shot. It wasn't like I had gotten yet another limb taken off.  
I sit up when I hear the door open. From the near silent footsteps, I know it's James. The thing that made me stop and listen though, was that he was talking to Jarvis. James always avoided talking to Jarvis. He had told me the fact that Jarvis was a computer system, and was running himself made him slightly uncomfortable.  
"-you just press Captain Roger's name, and you will be calling him." I risk a glance over a large machine. James was frowning at a phone. He didn't like to use them. I had taught him the basics, but he hadn't wanted to learn much else. It didn't help that touch screens weren't very compatible with his metal hand.  
"Right." James says, hesitating. He finally presses down on Steve's name, and puts the phone to his ear as it begins to ring. Should I be eavesdropping yet again? Probably not. But, when he left, it would let me be alone a little while longer.  
"Ah... hey Steve." James says when Steve picks up. There's a long moment where Steve is replying. I wouldn't be surprised if it was him talking about how he wasn't expecting James to call him. "Yeah, I know. I was just wondering if you could help me out with something?" I frown at that. What couldn't I have helped with? There's a short pause this time. "Well it's.. um... It's about Cara." I blink in surprise, risking another glance at James.  
He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he listened to Steve's reply. What was going on? Had I done something? I feel my chest constrict slightly. I knew I could be annoying at times, I had been told as much. But still... ow. "No, I just... I'm not exactly sure what to do. I used too, I remember that, but... I'm blanking here." Blanking on what?  
"Well... I realized last night that I hadn't actually... Steve, you know I'm sweet on her, right?" My eyebrows raise at that, and I have to suppress a laugh at the old fashioned phrase. I mean, I knew he liked me, so what was the problem? "Yes romantically." Another pause. "I.. I'm not sure how to phrase it exactly for this decade. I want to go steady with her. Officially, I mean. I just don't know how..." Another long pause.  
I was suddenly wishing I had super hearing so that I knew what Steve was telling James. I couldn't stop listening now. I'm a bad person, trust me I get it. "Dating, that's the word." James says, and I have to stop myself from laughing again. "I just don't know how to ask. And I'm not sure if she would even want to go out on a date because of HYDRA-" Steve must've cut him off, because he stops. "No, I know what she said earlier, but-" He stops again.  
I bite my lip, waiting for him to start talking again. "Are you sure that would work?" What? What would work? "Just... just ask her. Just like that." Another long pause. "Okay. I can do that." A second passes. "If I can find her." He says. I have to resist the urge to jump out and say surprise. "I... may be... hovering is what Stark called it." Suddenly, I'm really hoping Steve tells James to back off on the protectiveness just slightly. "Wait, she likes to hide where?" My eyes widen as that statement hits me, and I remember. I used this same spot at the tower. Tony seemed to have a junk corner in every garage he had, and it was always easy to hide there.  
Steve knew about the one in the tower. I had no doubt he was telling James. "Really? You're sure?" He starts to turn, and I duck down before his eyes land on the junk pile. "Steve, I need to talk to you later." I hear James say. "Well, because I'm in the garage." Another pause. "Yeah, bye Steve." A long moment passes, and I hear a sigh. "Cara..." He trails off. "I know you're there."  
After a hesitation, I slowly get to my feet, looking up at him nervously. "You're sweet on me, huh?" I ask, feeling a blush rise in my cheeks. He gives me a long, disapproving look, and I rub my hands together nervously, slowly walking around Tony's junk pile. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop if that helps this at all.I was just kinda there, and you just started talking. Interrupting seemed rude..." I glance up at him. "Sorry." I say quietly. After a moment, he sighs again, shaking his head before pulling me close and hugging me.  
"How much did you listen too?" He asks, and I cringe.  
"Kind of... all of it?" I say quietly. Another few moments pass in silence.  
"Well." He says after a second. "Then what do you think?" I frown.  
"About what?" I ask, confused.  
"About... About going ... dating, me officially?" He asks, and this time I do let out a small giggle at his frustrated attempts to not use 40's slang.  
"Silly me, I kind of thought we already were going steady." I say, looking up at him. "But..." I pretend to think about it. "Yes. Absolutely." He presses his lips to mine, and for a moment, all I can focus on are his lips moving against mine.

Being completely alone in the mansion was something that hadn't happened since James had shown up here. By some miracle, I was completely alone. Absolutely no one was here.

Nat and Clint went on mission with Bruce, surprisingly, something to do with infiltrating a science lab? They needed Bruce to do something scientific, and that was the extent of my knowledge. Tony was with Pepper. She actually needed him to sign a few things, seeing as he still owned Stark Industries. He had to go with her to a meeting, and he had hated the thought, but went anyway.

Then there was James. Steve had somehow convinced him to go out into e city with him. Steve hadn't told me what for, but I was just happy that James was willing to go out. Did James know that Tony had been pulled away so that I would be completely alone after he left? Nope. If he had, he would have come back to stay with me.

All I wanted to do was enjoy my time alone. And to make sure James got some time where he wasn't worrying about me.

That meant that I was dancing around the kitchen while my favorite music blasted through the mansion. Tony didn't really like my music, so this was one of the few times I was able to do it.

I was also making myself cookie dough. It was something I had been craving, though I wasn't sure why. Maybe I just really wanted something sweet and terrible for me. Well, I always wanted that.

My phone started ringing halfway through the CD I was listening too, singing along with Melanie Martinez as I threw different ingredients in the bowl. I didn't even bother checking the caller ID, just pressing okay.

"Hello?" Jarvis immediately turned the music down to where I could hear the other person.

"Don't hang up!" It was Travis. The guy who had a letter to me from my father. I should've checked called ID. I grip the phone a little tighter in my hand.

"I already told you. I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want that letter." I say through gritted teeth.

"I know, I'm sorry." He says, and I'm slightly taken aback. "Look." He sighs. "I've been thinking about it. I know you don't want this letter, and I understand that. The problem is, I can't keep this letter."

"Then what? What do you want?" I ask.

"I have to give it to you. I promised your father I would." He says. I don't reply for a while, thinking.

"I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say that you aren't going to stop calling." I groan.

"When I promise something, I do what I promised." He says.

"Another guess, That's what landed you in jail?" I ask, and when I get no reply, I get my answer. "Exactly. So just-"

"Can you just let me give it to you?" He cuts me off. "Then you can do whatever you want with it-"

"Good bye." I say in a short, clipped tone. I hang up, resisting the urge to throw the device across the room. I lean against the counter, setting the phone down before putting my face into my hands. I take a few deep breaths before straightening, glancing over at the large mixing bowl.

Cookie dough seemed like an even better idea now than it had before.

I finish mixing the ingredients, grabbing a giant spoon out of the drawer and carrying the bowl into the living room. "Jarvis, play 'Friends'." I say, and the first episode pops up on screen, playing immediately. "Thank you."

"You're welcome ma'am." He replies.

I sit there for nearly three episodes, eating cookie dough and laughing at the humor of the show, before the doorbell rings. I groan, not wanting to move. It rings again.

"Ma'am, there is a very persistent man at the door." Jarvis says, and the doorbell goes off again. I sigh before slowly getting to my feet, shuffling over. I probably looked terrible in my yoga pants and old t-shirt, but I didn't really care at the moment. I swing open the door to reveal a fairly built man covered in tattoos.

"Um, hi. Cara, right?" I recognize the voice instantly.

"I'm calling the police." I say, moving to shut the door. Travis stops me before I can, sticking his foot in the doorway.

"Wait, can I explain-"

"NO!" I half scream. "Go away! Get out! You're stalking me, and it isn't okay!" I open the door a foot before slamming it again. He curses as it makes contact with his foot. I repeat the action.

"Okay, okay! Stop that!" He yells, blocking the door with his hand. "Look, I got tired of calling and never getting an answer. I tracked your phone. I just want to give you this-OW!" He yelps in surprise as I kick him hard in the knee, making him jerk back slightly in surprise.

I take that opportunity to slam the door shut. I lean with my back against it, locking it quickly before hearing him pound on the door. Then he doorbell rings again. "Cara!"

"Shall I inform the authorities ma'am?"

"Yes please." I say quickly. "And ask them to hurry."

"Of course ma'am." The persistent knocking continues. He shouts my name through the door a few times, then tells me he isn't going to leave. I'm relieved when he finally stops knocking.

Then terrified when I hear a loud thumping noise. I frown, slowly turning to face the door. "Jarvis..." I trail off.

"Yes ma'am?"

"What happened to Travis?"

"I believe he was shot, ma'am." Jarvis replies, and for a few moments I can't breathe. "He seems to be dead. There are multiple presences on the grounds. Should I go into lockdown mode?"

"Yes please." I whisper quietly, unable to do anything else. My brain can't seem to make he connection. Travis was dead. People were intruding.

Then the first gunshot goes off.

Tony's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Why do I have to go to those meetings Pepper? They're pointless." I complain. She just sighs and rolls her eyes.

"Tony, I have to go to meetings much worse than that one, so suck it up." Pepper replies, looking out the window.

"All I'm saying-"

"Tony."

"Is that it could've been an email."

"Tony!" Pepper repeats herself, turning to me with wide eyes. I frown, confused and concerned. "The mansion..." She trails off. I turn and look out the window, my neck craning to see.

"Happy, stop the car!" I exclaim. The car slams on the breaks, and I open the door, jumping out of the car. I sprint forward, but I'm almost immediately stopped by a fireman.

"Mr. Stark, you need to stay back." He says, stopping me with a hand on my shoulder. My mansion, my home, was in chaos. The front quarter of it was crumbling and smoking, debris everywhere. There were bullet holes all over the walls, and all of the windows blown out. Fire was still present in some spots, while only smoke remained in others.

"What happened?" Pepper had come up behind me, placing her hand on my arm.

"We received a call about half an hour ago. Something about a disturbance. We received another call no more than three minutes later, about people hearing gunfire and an explosion. When we arrived... This is what was left. This and..." He gestures to the side, and I hear Pepper gasp when we turn to see blankets covering several bodies.

"Cara. What about Cara?" I ask quickly. "She's about this tall, only one leg? Did you find her?" I'm gesturing wildly, panic rising inside of me.

"We found no girl." The man says, shaking his head.

"Not-not with the dead?" Pepper asks hesitantly. When the man shakes his head, she lets out a shaky breath of relief. I glance at Pepper, then back at the man.

"I need to make a call, I'll be right back." I say quickly, stepping away as I pull my phone out. I dial Capsicles number, hoping that this is one of he few times he actually remembered his phone existed.

"Hello?" He answers.

"Capsicle, don't panic." The words fly from my mouth. "I need you to keep you and your ice brother out for another few hours. You cannot come back to the mansion." There's a long moment of silence, and I hear rustling, as if Cap is moving away.

"Tony, what-"

"There are authorities here. If they see him, he's done for. I'm not doing this for either of you, I'm doing it for Cara. Keep him away."

"Tony, what is-"

"Cara is missing." I reply, cutting him off again. Another long silence.

"I'll do my best." Cap replies in a low voice. "Do you know what happened?"

"No clue. The mansion is still on fire in some spots." I don't elaborate, even though I know Cap must be dying to ask. "I'm going to find out. Just go to a knitting circle or something. I'll call you when I find anything out."

"Got it Stark." He replies, and I hang up. I walk back over to Pepper and the fireman.

"How long until all of his is put out?" I ask. He glances behind him.

"This'll be sorted out in less than an hour. Until then, the police need a statement from you, and a description of the missing girl."

"We don't know if she's missing." Pepper says, hope in her voice. "No one has tried to call her. Maybe she went out-" Pepper pulls her phone out of her purse, dialing. No one answers, and she dials again.

"Pep..." I trail off. She dials again. "Pepper, she was here."

"You don't know that Tony!" She exclaims, turning to glare at me, fury in her eyes.

"Pepper." I put my hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. "Someone had to fight and kill those men." Her eyes look into mine, searching, hoping. When she finds nothing, she crumples into my arms, a sob bursting out of her mouth.

She and Cara got along better than I imagined. When I had first brought Cara back, Pepper was the one that understood everything. She helped Cara through life stuff, and just everyday girl stuff. Some days it was scary, how well they got along.

"She'll be okay. Cara is strong." I whisper. I can only hope that I'm right.

Cara's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Wake up!" A wave of cold water hits me, and I geek up with a gasp. I begin to caught as the water filters in, and I desperately try to gain a breath. Someone grabs my hair, yanking and pulling my head back. I wince at the pain.

"Well well, look at who it is." A voice whispers into my ear. The man's rancid breath makes me want to pull away, but I can't. "Little Cara. Messing with things too big for her to handle."

"Screw... You..." I gasp out. My entire body was aching, and I would have souls my soul for some pain medicine. My head was throbbing, my throat on fire. I could feel pain from where I had been kicked in my side, and my nose felt strange. I think it was broken after being hit so hard.

My words get me a growl of annoyance and hatred, and a swift slap in the face. The stinging pain reverberates up into my brain. It's only when I wiggle my fingers and try to move do I realize that my prosthetic is gone.

"Think before you speak, or else a slap is going to be the least of your problems." The man hisses. I stay quiet this time. "See? There we go. That wasn't too hard, was it?" He continues, not waiting for a response.

"We've been watching you for a while Cara. Ever since you took away our Winter Soldier. Ever since you got to Malibu." I stay still, watching him. "And now, we've decided what to do. The soldier, he's to dangerous now. To powerful with his memories returning. So, we've decided, an eye for an eye." He glances down. "Or, well, an amputee for an amputee."

"You're insane." I whisper.

"Oh I know." He says. "But that's not your problem now. Not now that HYDRA has you." He glances to the side, towards the door, then back at me. "So, now..." He trails off, a sadistic smile spreading across his face. "Let's see about the very painful process of creating a new weapon of HYDRA, eh?"

Jame's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where are we going?" I ask, slightly confused and concerned. I had noticed we had taken an odd turn earlier, but now we were heading in the opposite direction of the mansion, where we were supposed to be going. Steve glances over from where he's driving, shifting in his seat. I knew the look on his face. "Steve..." I ask, cautious.

"I need you to trust me for a few moments Buck." He says, and I frown.

"What do you mean? Why aren't we going back?" My grip on the door handle tightens. He glances over when he hears the groan of the metal of the door handle. I release it, not missing the small dents I had left behind. I forgot, sometimes, about how strong my metal arm was.

"Tony called." He says, turning again. "We're meeting him and Pepper at a hotel about ten minutes away. Sam's flying in. Before you ask, no, I don't know what is going on. Tony said he will explain when we get there." My jaw clenches, and I don't miss the missing name.

"What about Cara?" He doesn't reply. "Steve. What about Cara?" My voice goes hard, and I keep my eyes on the road in front of us, waiting. It's silent for a long moment.

"That's what Tony has to explain." He finally says, making another turn. I glance in the side mirror, an old habit from HYDRA. I never stopped checking, I never stopped confirming that we weren't being followed.

We pull into the back of an older looking hotel, going to the back door. "Tony said he would let us in..." Steve murmurs as we walk up. I instinctually pull my hood up, avoiding the outdated camera near the door. I wasn't even sure if it was working, but I wasn't taking the chance.

It wasn't Tony at the door, but Pepper. She glances at both of us. "Tony got recognized by one of the workers. He paid her to be quiet, but we're not sure how long that will last." She says, making a turn as we walk inside, trekking up a flight of stairs. I wish the rooms had been on the ground floor. Easier routes of escape. "I thought it would be better for me to bring you up than him."

"Smart." Steve says, following closely behind her. We get to the room, and Pepper quickly unlocks the door, ushering us inside.

"I called Nat and Legolas. Bruce and them should be in within the next couple of days. Your friend tomorrow morning." Tony says, looking mostly at Steve. He had glanced at me, but quickly averted his eyes. I knew he hated me still. We just gave each other distance and went on with our lives.

"Where's Cara?" Are the first words out of my mouth. Pepper looks at me nervously.

"We don't know." Tony says after a moment.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I ask, voice steady.

"I mean," He says, standing up, "that when Pep and I got back to the mansion, it had exploded, and Cara wasn't there. Not to mention the dead bodies."  
"What?" The word hisses through my clenched teeth. Steve puts a hand on my shoulder, trying to be comforting, but I had no doubt he was also doing it as a precaution. So he could grab me before I attacked Tony or something.  
"HYDRA." Tony replies. "All in full combat gear. Six of them, and a civilian." He takes out his phone, pulling up a projection. "He look familiar to either of you?" Tony asks.  
"No." Steve answers, glancing at me once to make sure we were on the same page.  
"Not HYDRA?"  
"Not that I've ever seen." Pepper turns, looking away from the body being shown. "Who is he?"  
"Travis Maddox." Jarvis replies from Tony's phone. "Having just been released from jail, Mr. Maddox showed up on the doorstep after talking to Ms. Cara on the phone.I believe he wanted to give her a letter." The electronic voice was oddly comforting. Familiar. It was one of the two voices I had truly grown used to. Comfortable around.  
"The letter was found in the rubble. I was able to grab it and sneak it out." Tony says, holding it up. It was a plain white envelope that said 'My Little Princess' On the front. It was singed around the edges, but not bad. It hadn't damaged the letter inside.  
"How do we know that's for her?" Steve asks.  
"Cara told me once that her dad used to call her that." Tony sighs, dropping the letter on the bed. "I had jokingly called her princess, and she got so upset. I didn't understand why until she told me."  
"How long did she hide from you in her room that time?" I ask. Tony glares up at me for a half a moment before looking down.  
"A week." I could tell her disappearance was killing him inside. Not as much as it was killing me. I felt like I was breaking all over again. It was like my mind, everything being scrambled and thrown away, except this time it was in my chest. My heart.  
"She could be on the run." Pepper says hopefully, looking around at the three of us. "What if she got away? What if she's hiding?" Tony glances up at her, then back down at his watch with a sigh. "It can-"  
"If HYDRA was there, and she hasn't tried to contact any of us by now... Pepper..." Steve trails off, and her shoulders drop.  
"What did the house look like?" I ask quietly. Tony glances up at me before projecting another picture into the air. There was so much destruction... How had she even gotten out of there alive? If... If she was.  
"You seem oddly calm about all of this." Tony snaps. I look at him coldly.  
"One thing that HYDRA pumps into you is never showing emotion. No matter how strong the pain is, how angry you are, how upset you are. You never show it." He blinks in surprise. "And I am putting that into practice right now because I cannot break down. Not now. Not when Cara needs me." He stares at me for a long moment before nodding once.  
"Let's get to work."  
No one touches the letter left lying on the bed.

Cara's POV~*~*~*~*~*~

"Now, I'm going to ask again-"  
"You know, the definition of insanity according to Albert Einstein-" He presses the button, and a bolt of electricity goes through me, making me scream. My voice was so hoarse from me screaming so much. The second I catch my breath, I continue. "Is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result." Another shock.  
"You keep talking. You like the sound of your own voice, no?"  
"It's better than yours." Another shock. I needed to shut up.  
"How did you break into Barnes's mind? How did you get his memories?" I stay silent, glaring at him. He smacks me, and the bruise that had already formed on my cheek throbs, pain ricocheting through me. "HOW?" He screams.  
"Why?!" I yell right back at him. He blinks in surprise. "He's gone, so why do you want to know?" He shocks me again, kneeling down next to me while he waits for me to stop screaming.  
"So you can't get yours back."

James's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"And these are all the HYDRA bases you can remember?" Each spot is marked out on a map of the US.  
"All the major ones." I reply quietly. "Those are the only ones they would take her to." I sigh, looking over the map again. "I... I don't know. There might be more. I actually wasn't in the US all that much." Nat looks up at me. They had all arrived, and we were all cramped in this tiny hotel room. "I just... I can't remember any more." I run a hand through my hair, frustrated.  
"Let's move on the closest one. It's our best chance at the moment." Clint says.  
I nod.  
I don't know what else to do.

Cara's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"The modified algorithm is ready." I can't move. They have me tied down, and I had learned that straining against the bonds resulted in more shocks, and I didn't know how much more I could take. I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff, about to fall over the edge. Go somewhere I could never come back from.  
"Are you sure this is not too fast?" Another agent asks. "We've had her for nearly twenty four hours. Is that long enough?"  
"It gives us a head start." The other replies. "You know the entire Avengers team will be looking for her the second they realize she's missing. The faster we can make her our weapon, the better. The less she resists, the better." He glances towards me. "And she is resisting far too much."  
"Then start the machine." The other one says after a moment's hesitation. "Wipe her before they get here. They can't save her if there isn't anything left to save." The two men move to opposite sides of the machine, and there's a click and a whirring sound. A large piece of metal begins to descend on my face, and I start to squirm. I need to move. I need to leave. I need to get out of here.  
They can't take away who I am. They can't. If they take away me, I'll be nothing. I'll be absolutely nothing. I can't let them do this. I can't...  
The pain starts.  
I'm screaming.

_"Hi honey. How was school?" My mother asks with a large smile.  
"There was this really mean boy at my table." I set my bag on the floor. "He kept throwing crayons at me and tried to pull my hair." My mother laughs, bringing over a bowl full of grapes.  
"Well you know what that means." She says, sitting down at the table. I frown.  
"What?" I ask, confused.  
"It means he likes you." She whispers. My eyes widen.  
"But that doesn't make any sense." I say, confused. "Why would he be mean to me if he likes me? I'm not mean to people if I like them." My mom laughs again.  
"Boys are so much different than girls." She says.  
"Why are boys so much different than girls?" My dad asks, walking in. My mother laughs, making me giggle. "Oh no. I must have walked in on serious girl conversation." He walks over to my mom, squeezing her shoulders affectionately. He leans down, pressing a kiss to her head before walking over to me, lifting me up out of my chair. I laugh loudly as he twirls me around.  
"Should we tell him?" My mother asks secretively. I think seriously before nodding. "There is a boy being mean to her at school."  
"Ohhhh..." My dad trails off, nodding seriously. "He must like you."  
"But Daddy, that doesn't make sense..."_

The memory swirls around my mind until it disappears.  
It's gone.  
My mother is gone.

_"... talk to you. There's been an accident." I'm listening at the top of the stairs as my babysitter answers the door. "I heard the doorbell from my room. "Can you bring Cara downstairs? We need to take her to the hospital."  
"Of course... I'll go get her." There's a pause. "Can I ask...?"  
"Her mother." There's a pause. "Her father is alive, and should be fine. But her mother..."  
"NO!" I scream from the top of the stairs. "NO! MOMMY!"  
"Cara!" My babysitter exclaims in surprise. "You aren't supposed to be awake! Oh honey..."_

Gone.

"..._very nice police officer coming to your house to make sure everything is going to be fine. Do you understand that?"_  
_ "Uh huh." I say again, nodding. _  
_ "Is your daddy still out in the barn?"_  
_ "Yeah." I say, looking out the kitchen window while I stood on my tip toes. I couldn't really see anything. "I think so."_  
_ "What's your favorite color?" I hear the creak of the screen door as it opens._  
_ "Cara? Are you home?"_  
_ "I gotta go." I whisper, quickly hanging up. I hear the footsteps get closer. _  
_ "Cara?" My dad walks into the kitchen. "Why didn't you answer me? I was calling for you." I stay quiet, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Is everything okay Cara?" He asks. "Did something happen at school?"_  
_ The phone falls from where it was hanging, making me jump and my dad turn, startled. He frowns before turning to me. "Cara, did you call someone?" I shake my head quickly. "Cara. We both know the phone doesn't fall unless it wasn't hung up correctly." I shake my head again, my hair whipping back and forth._  
_ "Cara." He kneels down in front of me, looking me in the eye. "Who. Did. You. Call." I can't do anything but look up at him with wide, terrified eyes. He sighs. "Fine. Come with me." He grabs my wrist, squeezing tightly as he throws my stuffed bunny across the room. I cry out, but he drags me out the door. _  
_ And then there's nothing but Blood and Pain._  
_ Blood._  
_ Pain._  
_ Blood._

The blood and pain disappears from any thought I ever had.

_"...is one of my best students Mr. Stark." I look up from my project, turning awkwardly on my leg. "Cara Charn. Cara, this is-"  
"Tony Stark." I interrupt excitedly. "Hi." I had been wanting him to see my project.  
"Hey." He responds, already seeming slightly uninterested. I glance towards my teacher before continuing.  
"I've been working on creating a prosthetic that will work almost identically to the missing limb." I begin, motioning to the leg I had been building. "It would help people missing their limbs to go about their days without having the awkwardness of modern prosthesis." I glance away from my project to see Tony Stark pull out his cell phone. "I-I'm not finished yet, but by the time I'm done, it would revolutionize-" I stop, realizing he wasn't listening at all. I frown, frustrated. "Hey..." I trail off, but he doesn't look up. "Hey!" I snatch the phone out of his hand, startling him.  
"You need to calm down and give that back." He says, holding out his hand.  
"Cara!" My teacher looks appalled. "I'm so sorry Mr. Stark, she isn't normally-"  
"I'm trying to show you my project, or don't you get that?" I ask, looking Tony Stark in the eye. "I've been working on this for months, trying to perfect every detail. I'm trying to change people's lives, and you're just ignoring me and texting." Tony Stark raises his eyebrows in surprise, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm trying to create technology that some people only dream of, and trying to interest you so you might help. All you're doing is standing there like some limp noodle!"  
"Cara!"  
"Limp noodle?" Tony Stark asks.  
"Yes! Useless to everyone." I cross my own arms. "This project is special to me," I yank my pant leg up, revealing my prosthetic, "but you obviously just got roped into being here and had no way out. You could at least try to act interested." A small crowd has gathered around us, waiting anxiously. Tony Stark looks me up and down, studying me.  
"Identically to the missing limb?" He asks, taking a few steps forward. I blink in surprise. "How were you going to have that work?"  
"I...oh." I say quietly. "Well..."_

I... I didn't... how did I meet Tony Stark...

_"I just need you to stay in the basement of the tower, and not turn on the news channel." Tony says hurriedly into the phone.  
"What are you talking about? I just want to go upstairs and get some blueprints-"  
"No! Cara, you have to stay where you are. Stay safe." I frown, moving to the TV and turning it on. An emergency broadcast is on the television.  
"Tony..."  
"Cara?"  
"There... There are aliens. Everywhere."  
"Yup."  
"O... Okay. Right. Okay."_

Something happened in New York, right? I... I don't...

_ "Home sweet freaking hom-" I stop. There was a man in here, calmly sitting at one of the barstools. I pull myself upright slowly, keeping my eyes on him. Something wasn't right. His long, greasy brown hair was dangling in front of his face, hiding it from me. He was in a tank top, and one of his arms... glinted in the light. Metal.  
"Crap." I say it out loud, not knowing what else to do. Steve had shown me this guys picture after he had gotten back. This was the Winter soldier. Then he moves. His head tilts towards me, and I see a flash of brown eyes. He was watching me. His eyes dart towards his metal arm, and I follow. That's when I notice it. The wires spilling from the side, the fingers in a half bent position, stuck.  
"I didn't know how to fix it." _

Everything was melting away. Why was everything leaving?

_ "Just do what feels right when you're ready." I say. We stand there for a few minutes, and I know he's searching his thoughts for anything, anything at all he might remember. It was clear he was pulling a blank. Then the music transferred to the next song. I had created a random track of popular swing music, and when the notes of the next song came out of the speakers, I saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes.  
"I think.." He takes my hands in his.  
And then we're dancing. It's slow at first as he tries to remember the steps, teaching me at the same time. Then we start to pick up speed. I can see confidence growing as he's more and more sure of his footing, leading me with the quick tempo. It's hard for me to keep my balance on my prosthetic leg, but I manage, a few missteps here and there. "No, you twist like this..." He pulls me the correct direction, and I smile. "And then..." He had been murmuring to himself as we danced, letting the memories float back to him.  
"Like this?" I ask, twisting the direction I had before.  
"No-" he cuts off as his foot steps on my fake one, and I'm jerked backwards. We're lucky that we're in he living room, because I fall back onto the couch. The problem was that when I had fallen backwards, James had tried to catch me. We both collapse onto the couch, and I was practically crushed by James. His face is an inch away from mine.  
"Um." I can't think of anything to say. "You're kind of crushing me." I finally spit out. He blinks before rolling off, landing on the other side of me. I know something like that was supposed to be all romantic and crap, but he was really heavy. "Sorry. I told you I didn't know what I was doing." I say with a small laugh. The upbeat swing music was still coming from the speakers. I hear a small chuckle.  
"You really didn't." He says. I glance over at him with a scowl, hitting his arm.  
"Oh shush. It just means I need practice." I say. "We'll have to dance more."  
"Yeah." He says quietly. "I'll look forward to it." _

My feelings, all of my good memories were slipping away. Slipping through my fingers.

_ "And that works?"  
"Sometimes." I say with a shrug. "Sometimes I just have to grin and bear it." With that, I grimace again, adjusting my seat on the bed. "You are definitely not distracting enough."  
"I'm not?" He asks with a slight laugh.  
"Nope. Be more distracting." I say, motioning my hand at him. "Go."  
"Be more distracting?"  
"Mhm." I murmur.  
"How?"  
"I don't know." I say, rolling my eyes. "That's your job. Figure out a way to be more distracting. You have to have something up that bionic sleeve of yours." I grit my teeth together, glancing down at my leg. I curse under my breath.  
And then I feel a cold metal hand cupping my chin, turning my head so that a pair of warm lips meet mine. I freeze for a split second, shocked. And then I let my lips move with his. It's only for a few seconds, and his lips are warm, inviting. He's tentative too, cautious. Testing the waters.  
And then it's over. He pulls back a little, leaving me wanting more. My eyes meet his, and I want him to kiss me again. Something just felt... right.  
"Well... that was a good distraction." I say after a few seconds of silence. "Really, really good. Um... yeah."_

The warm feeling on my lips slips away. I didn't remember what it was like to be kissed.

I didn't... I didn't remember anything. It was all so empty.

I... what was my name?

Bucky ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One week passed. Then One week turned into two, then three. A month went by, and they had gotten nowhere. Sam showed up the next morning, and was quickly filled in. Natasha, Clint, and Dr. Banner arrived after we had destroyed one base.  
Every HYDRA base we went were useless. No one in them could tell us anything, or they were abandoned. The most helpful information had come from a terrified worker. He had mumbled something about the only people who would know about what we were asking about were the higher ups.  
Then he tried to fight his way out, screaming that death was the only option for him now. That HYDRA would kill him once they found out he had told us anything. It was only after he pulled out the gun that I killed him. He didn't have any information, and he was going to hurt someone. None of the others even noticed, too wrapped up in taking down the base and trying to find some answers.  
But there was nothing. No evidence. No one knew anything.  
It was like Cara had simply vanished.  
It was almost like I had died inside for a second time.

"Buck... I'm sorry." I don't respond to Steve's quiet apology from where he was sitting beside me. We had just gotten out of yet another base with absolutely nothing to go on."We really thought there might be information at this one." They all had. Everyone had gotten there hopes up, just to be brought back down with crash.  
"If anything, they were less helpful than usual." Tony grumbles. The first few missions he had joked. He had thought that they would find Cara in no time. Then more bases were destroyed, and they had gotten nowhere. Tony was more serious than ever, and more worried than he had felt in a long time. Fear that they would never find Cara was welling up in him, just like it was everyone else. None of them showed it though.  
"We'll get her back." Sam says quietly. Even he was trying to be uplifting, though he had only met Cara twice, and both meetings were brief. Like Tony, he had joked around at first. He backed off the second he realized exactly how serious this was. Exactly how much trouble Cara could be in. He may have only met Cara twice, but she had definitely made an impact. She always did.  
"How many bases do we have left to hit?" I hear Clint ask quietly. Nat pulls something up on her tablet, frowns, and then shows Clint.  
"How many?" I ask, looking at them. They both jerk, surprised. They hadn't thought I was listening, that much was clear. Clint and Natasha exchange a glance before answering.  
"Three."  
I stand quickly, pushing out of my seat as I move towards the back of the small quinjet. I go as far as I can before sitting down, looking down at my hands in my lap. Never before had I felt so utterly useless. Powerless.  
I'm not sure how long they let me sit there before they send someone back. A while, I knew that much. I just wasn't sure why they sent back who they did. "Hey." I glare up at Stark. "Whoa, roll it back a little. I come peacefully." We had an agreement where we stayed out of each others way, but apparently that didn't matter to him.  
"What." The word doesn't even come out as a question.  
"I know this is painful." He begins with a sigh, but I stop him.  
"You don't know anything about what I'm feeling." I say, and I will admit that my voice came out harsher than I meant it too. "You know nothing Stark."  
"Hey, I'm not doing so hot without her either, if you haven't noticed." He snaps.  
"Yes, but you don't get what I'm going through." I retort. "This is all one large nightmare for me. Before this team came back, I was having nightmares constantly. Sometimes they were memories of what HYDRA did to me, and other times they were nightmares about what would happen when they found me again." Tony blinks in surprise at my rant, but doesn't attempt to stop me yet. "As the weeks went on, Cara would always be there when I woke up. She could hear me crying out, and she was always there. The nightmares... they morphed." My rant slows, and I look down at my hands again. "They went from me being taken back by HYDRA, to Cara being taken. They went to visions of her in danger, and I was always too late. She was just out of my reach and I could never save her. But no matter what, she was always there when I woke up. Always there to calm me down and help me remember that I was safe, and so was she. That she was alive." I know the entire team is listening at this point, but I don't care.  
"This is all one large nightmare for me Stark. One I'm not waking up from. One I can't wake up from. I keep expecting to open my eyes and see her there, but she's gone. She's out of my reach. Stark, I can't save her, and it's my nightmare all over again." I stand, looking down at him. "This situation is a walking, living nightmare, and I need Cara to pull me out of it."

Cara~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Again." The command is cold, unnerving. It's strong, and I know better than to disobey.  
Quickly, as fast as my fingers can move I dismantle the gun. In the previous tests, they've realized that I worked much better with daggers and swords, but HYDRA was determined to get me familiar with a gun. They said that it was the best way to help HYDRA with things they needed to get done.  
I knew once I passed the gun tests, they would move me to physical training. I had asked them how it was possible with only one leg, but they had told me it was on a need to know basis.  
I didn't need to know, so I didn't ask again.  
"Who is this?" I barely glance up, focused on the gun.  
"I don't know." They had been doing this a lot, randomly asking me who these people were. I had no clue, but they kept pressing. "A woman."  
Today, it was a pretty redhead in official business attire, a small tablet under her arm. In the photo, she was waving at someone, a small smile lighting up her features.  
"Wrong." I freeze. When I was wrong, punishment came. It came swiftly and hurt like hell. my hands are frozen, one has the gun, partially dismantled. The other has a large piece of the gun in it. "This woman is a target. She is a kill shot. She is dangerous to HYDRa, and must be killed if ever seen. Understood?" I nod. "Her name is Pepper Potts. does that mean anything to you?"  
"No sir." He stares at me for a long moment before nodding, satisfied.  
"And this?" He holds up another photograph. This one held a male with dark hair and a goatee. He was wearing a suit, and looked rich. His sunglasses made him seem like an asshole.  
"A target." The man smiles, putting the pictures down.  
"Good."

Bucky~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It doesn't look like anyone's there."  
"You sure about that Sam?" Steve asks. Sam was flying over the compound, high enough that if there were any sensors they wouldn't read him.  
"I'm scanning the building. No heat sources, no movement... I've got nothing Cap." Sam replies. Steve sighs, standing up a little straighter, running a hand through his hair. I hear him mumble a curse word under his breath.  
"Language." Tony says in a weak attempt of a joke.  
"Come on back Sam. There's another base about a hundred miles out."  
"That's the last base we've got on the map." Nat supplies. She glances at me, but I remain expressionless. I can't let myself-  
"Wait, Cap, I've got movement." Sam suddenly interrupts. "Single guy, looks like he's running."  
"Where?" I ask, speaking up.  
"About half a mile north of the jet." Sam says. "I'm following. Do you want me to pick him up and bring him in? Wouldn't take much. Guy looks like a stick."  
"I'll meet him on the ground." I say, punching the button that opens the back of the jet.  
"I'll be with him."  
"I don't need a babysitter Steve." I mutter, frustrated. Both of us begin to run, moving towards where Sam had said the man would be.  
"I know you don't Buck, but you also aren't thinking straight." Steve huffs. "I just want to make sure you don't kill the guy."  
"I won't."  
"If he doesn't have any information?" I stay quiet. We can see the running guy about fifty yards away. He glances to the side, and when he sees Steve and I, he begins to run faster. I sprint at him. When I'm close enough, I leap, tackling him.  
He lets out a loud groan, rolling on the snow-covered ground.  
"Really?" Steve huffs the question as he jogs up. The HYDRA agent Attempts to get up.  
"I don't think so." Sam says as he lands. "You're kind of surrounded. I think it would be in your best interest to stay right there." The agent looks at the three of us, slowly standing while wiping away the small trail of blood traveling down his cheek. He must have gotten cut when I tackled him.  
The agent starts laughing. A small, insane laugh. "Captain America, the Winter Soldier, and Bird boy." He shakes his head. "It's the start of a bad joke."  
"One you won't hear the end of if you don't start talking." I say, letting him see me cock my gun. "You know what we want."  
"Well you haven't exactly been subtle about it, have you?" He asks. "The entirety of HYDRA knows what you're looking for."  
"Good. Then you can tell us." Steve says. The agent glances at him.  
"If I feel like dying, sure. But guess what? I wanna live cupcake." He sneers.  
"Did he just call you cupcake?" Sam asks, raising an eyebrow. "That's gotta be a first. I'm never letting that go."  
"You're going to die if you don't tell us." I say, ignoring Sam. I raise my gun, leveling it with his abdomen. "And I will be making it painful."  
"You're the Avengers. You aren't going to kill me." He laughs.  
"Well, as you reminded me, I'm not an Avenger." I soot back. "I'm the Winter Soldier. Do you really think HYDRA's weapon has any problem with killing the scum of the earth like you?" I can see the warning look on Steve's face, but he doesn't say anything. He's letting me strike fear into this guy. "You're either going to die protecting HYDRA's secret, or you can live behind bars, safe and sound."  
"It's not going to matter." The guy laughs. I was beginning to think he was truly insane. And from the look on Sam's face, he did too. "Whether I tell you where she's at or you keep looking. It won't matter."  
"And why not? Because right now, I think it'll matter to you." Steve asks. The agent gives each of us before he hangs his head, laughing quietly to himself.  
"Iceland. There's a compound right outside Akureyri. That's the last place anyone's heard of them taking her." He says after a long moment.  
"Why won't it matter?" I ask, moving the gun up and pressing it against the back of his head. He turns, narrowing his eyes.  
"Why do you think? Think it through. You're the Winter Soldier. You should know."

Cara~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I thought she was good with knives." I remain silent, loading my clip for my sniper rifle. Both of the men standing in the doorway were high up in the HYDRA system. I wasn't supposed to be listening, but I was.  
"She was. The second we put a sniper rifle in her hand though, it was like she was a natural." The other man murmurs. "I had some men look a little more into her time with Stark. Turns out, Stark's friend in the military, James Rhodes, trained her." I frown, the full clip resting in my hand. Stark? James Rhodes?  
"Good." The first man replies after a moment. "That will be helpful when we send her out."  
"When do we send her out? That team, those Avengers, they've destroyed too many of our bases looking for her." The second man spits out, frustrated. "We can't take many more hits like that."  
"She's only just started the physical training. She still isn't up to par with that leg we gave her." Both men go quiet for a few moments, and I can feel their stares on me.  
"When will she be ready? Why not make a leg like the soldier's arm? Then there would be no question."  
"She's spent over half her life without a leg. To give her one now would mess with her more than leaving her without." The other man explains. They go silent again, and I know that they know I'm listening.  
"Has she given any indication...?  
"No. Nothing. In this case, we did better than the soldier." The man replies. "Though she has retained her natural curiosity. When we showed her pictures of her targets, she didn't show any signs of remembering."  
"Good." After another long moment, there's a beeping noise. "I was right." The second man says. "That's the higher ups. She goes out at the end of the week. They don't want to lose any more bases." There's a soft sigh, and then,  
"Fine. She'll be ready to go."

"She's ready."  
"Not nearly as much as I had hoped."  
"She's ready." The other man repeats, more forcefully. The second man only nods this time, knowing that he didn't have a say in the matter.  
"I'll get her supplies together." He replies before moving away, leaving me alone with the other man. He walks forward until he's standing right in front of me.  
"This is your target." He says, holding up a picture. "You'll be given the address of where she's staying. She should be alone, but if anyone is with her, eliminate them too. No witnesses." I nod once. "Make it clean and try to make it as quiet as possible." I nod again.  
"Good. Now go kill her."

Bucky~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Nothing?" Pepper asks. Tony shakes his head, clearly frustrated.  
"We're getting nowhere Pep. I don't know where we can go from here." He says. The entire Avengers team somehow fits into the kitchen. "The agent told them where the compound was, but he didn't give them specifics. It's going to take us a day or two to even find where the compound he mentioned is, and then all we can do is hope that she's still there. It's a mess." The room goes quiet for a few moments.  
"They wiped her." I murmur. Tony looks up, not having caught my words.  
"What?" He asks.  
"They wiped her." I say, loud enough that everyone's attention is on me. Steve sighs.  
"You can't know that was what that agent meant Buck." He says. I knew he was trying to help, but he wasn't. I knew.  
"He said it was no use if we found her or not. What other reason would support that?" I ask, turning to him. "That because I was the winter soldier, that I would know." I let out a shaky breath. "He's right. I know."  
"Wiped?" Pepper asks, looking terrified. "As in... she won't remember any of this? Of us?" I nod, and her shoulders drop. I can tell from her expression that it's taking everything in her to not cry.  
"You're wrong." Tony says, voice harsh. "You're wrong. You have to be." I shake my head, looking down at the floor.  
"If I learned anything from HYDRA... it's that they're merciless. For whatever reason, wiping her helps them. Even if we don't know how yet."  
"Why would that help them? What do they get out of making her a mindless robot?" Pepper asks. After a long second, she looks to me, realizing what she had said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." I shake my head.  
"That's a pretty good description of what happens." I say after a moment. "Take orders without questions. In my case, wait for your next upgrade." Tony looks up at that, eyes widening.  
"Her leg." He says, and I catch onto his line of thought.  
"I don't think... I don't think that they would give her a leg like my arm. It would take too long, and they wouldn't be able to move her. They know we're looking for her, and from what that agent said I have no doubt that they're moving her constantly. It wouldn't work." Tony nods absentmindedly, letting my words sink in.  
"Do they know that the agent told you where the compound was?" Pepper asks, breaking the silence.  
"I doubt it." Sam speaks up this time. "From the second we got ahold of him, we didn't let him out of our sight. He didn't have the chance."  
"HYDRA always finds a way." I say quietly. The others look up at me, and I don't miss the doubt in their expressions. "They infiltrated SHIELD, didn't they? And almost every form of the government?" Tony curses under his breath, running a hand through his hair.  
"What about-" I look up at Pepper as she begins to speak, and my eyes immediately zero in on the red dot hovering on her chest. Right on her heart.  
"Pepper!" I exclaim. I launch myself towards her, grabbing her arm and yanking her down just as the bullet shattered through the window. She lets out a cry of surprise and pain as we both hit the floor. Instead of killing her, the bullet had only grazed her arm.  
Everyone in the room was immediately in defensive positions. Another shot rang out, and I saw Steve move out of the way just in time, shield up. I move Pepper behind the island in the kitchen so that she would be shielded. "Stay here." I order, pulling out my gun. She nods, looking shell shocked as she held her wounded arm, a small trail of blood trickling down.  
The shooter keeps firing, and I hear Tony's suit fly to him as he was hiding behind a wall. "There!" Nay exclaims, pointing at a small building about a block away. The shooter takes a shot near her position, and she draws back. Nay and I both let off rounds, making the shooter duck behind the ledge on the roof she was positioned on. We all move, Sam and Tony both taking off towards the building while the rest of us made our way towards that direction.  
"I've got Pepper." Clint says, staying behind. I nod, moving quickly to follow the others.  
Tony and Sam are already on the roof with the shooter by the time the three of us get there. It takes almost no time for Steve, Nat, and I to get up the fire escape, but when we get there with our guns raised, Tony and Sam are eerily still.  
"Put your guns down." Tony orders. Nat gives him an incredulous look.  
"They just shot at Pepper." I argue. It was clear where the shooter was. Crouched down behind a large cooling vent between the ledge. I could see the end of the gun still poking out. A wordless threat.  
"Barnes." I look at Tony, who has wide eyes. "It's Cara."

James~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It... it can't be." I finally spit out. "It can't be Cara. How do you know?" I ask, my arms dropping to my sides. My gun suddenly feels like five hundred pounds in my hand, now that I knew that I had been ready to shoot.  
"I saw her. Right before she dived over there." He says. His voice sounds almost broken, and only then do I actually register that he took his helmet off. "I... I think you were right. She isn't responding to any of us."  
I hadn't wanted to be right.  
"Cara..." I call out. The only thing we can see, the tip of her gun, doesn't move. "Cara, it's me. It's James." Nothing.  
"Buck, this isn't working." Steve says quietly. I choose to go a different direction.  
"You're confused." I blurt out. "You're following their orders, and you don't know why. You're killing because all they'll show you otherwise is pain." The tip of the gun sways. "You have to do what they say, and you just want to know why. You don't know who you are." For a few moments, nothing happens. Then, the gun drops down and out of sight.  
There are sounds of movement, and I watch as her head slowly pokes up above the cooling vent. She's looking down at the ground, and her hair hangs limply in her face. She looks up, and her eyes meet mine for only a split second, and then they dart to my arm. Her eyes widen.  
" Желание." She spits out, her voice panicked. It only takes a second for my mind to translate it.  
"Longing?" Nat asks, confused.  
" Ржавый." Cara says. Rusted.  
"No." My voice is a whisper as I feel the slight twinge of pain in my head. "No, Cara please. No."  
" Семнадцать." Seventeen. The gun in my hands drops to the ground, and one hand flies to my head as the pain intensifies. I let out a frustrated yell.  
"Cara please. Please don't do this. Please!" I beg. The others look confused and worried.  
" Рассвет." Daybreak. The pain gets worse. I drop to my knees, clutching at my head. I can't even say anything anymore.  
" Печь." Furnace.  
"What is happening?" I hear someone ask, panicked. I can't even tell who it is.  
" Девять." Nine. Cara doesn't stop, but she's backing away, looking terrified. " Добросердечность." Benign. I let out a scream. My head was pounding, and there was a fresh wave of pain with every heartbeat. Everything was getting blurry, and I couldn't focus.  
I hear a gunshot, and then a shout.  
I wait for the next word to come, but it doesn't. Nothing does. After a few moments, hell, it could've been an hour, the pain finally begins to recede. I'm able to let go, and slowly stand. I'm shaky on my feet though, and I don't move to pick up my gun off the ground. "Bucky. Buck, are you okay?" I turn to see Steve right by my side, worry etched into his features. I nod slowly, unsure. I hear Steve let out a small sigh of relief.  
"Cara?" I ask, turning. I see Tony slowly picking her up, and then Nat removing her prosthetic leg. It wasn't hers though. This one was different. That was confirmed when Nat pushed a small button near the top, and a long blade shot out of the bottom of the leg, nearly skewering Sam.  
"Watch it!" He exclaims, moving back. Nat sends him a small smile.  
"Tony moved in, and she shot at him. He used a tranq on her." Steve explains. I nod, moving towards Tony. Steve was right on my heels. Tony barely glances at me when I first approach, and only turns his full attention to me when I'm right in front of him. Blood is running down his cheek from a deep wound, and I realize that Cara had actually hit him.  
"What was that?" He asks, getting straight to the point. After a second, I hold out my arms, signalling that I want to hold Cara.  
"I'll explain, I promise. Pepper needs you right now, and you need to get patched up." He gives me a long stare, not moving for a few moments. He nods, slowly transferring Cara into my arms.  
"All of you need to pack up. We're going to Stark Tower. I can deal with this better there." Tony says before taking off.  
"You want me to take her?" Steve asks, and I quickly shook my head, adjusting Cara in my arms. Holding her so close was the only thing stopping me from breaking down after what had just happened. The feeling of her head on my shoulder, the knowledge that she was right there was the only thing keeping me somewhat sane.  
"Let's go."

It wasn't overly crowded on Stark's private jet. It might have been if Nat and Clint hadn't offered to fly the quinjet back instead of flying with us. Banner was with them too, and even then there were a lot of people on this plane.  
Sam and Steve were in the front, talking about who knew what I could eavesdrop, but I didn't care enough at this moment in time. Pepper and Stark were near the middle, Stark comforting Pepper. She was mostly just trying to wrap her head around the fact that it was Cara that had shot at her, and that Cara remembered nothing.  
Cara was lying on a couch in the back of the plane, sound asleep. Stark had said that with the amount of sedatives he had given her, she should be asleep for nearly an entire day, giving us plenty of time to get to Stark tower and set things up. I was sitting in an large armchair that was right next to the couch, keeping a constant eye on her. The fact that she was right there,right next to me after so many months...  
There were bruises all over her skin, and I had no doubt that there were more underneath her clothes. I couldn't tell how much HYDRA had done to her. Not yet. When I did know, though, I was sure of one thing.  
I was going to hunt down every single HYDRA agent and do what they did to her ten fold.  
"She move?" I look up as Tony sits in the armchair next to mine. He looks at Cara for a moment before looking to me. I shake my head. "Good." She didn't have her leg, but I knew HYDRA would've ordered her to get out by any means necessary. Or worse.  
"I know you want to ask." I say after a long moment.  
"What was that? What did that Russian babble do to you?" He asks, looking at me. I sigh.  
"They... those words... they trigger something. It blocks out everything in my mind. It makes me... it turns me back into the Winter Soldier. I would take any orders from whoever had said them and carry them out by any means." I look down at my hands, the metal glinting from the lights in the plane. "Those words, said in the right order turn me into the deadliest weapon alive."  
"Well that doesn't seem dangerous at all." Stark mutters.  
"She must have been ordered to say them if she saw me." I say after a moment. Stark nods.  
"Makes sense. We would have had to deal with two mindless killers." Stark replies. "And we wouldn't have the strength to hurt either of you." I look at him in surprise when he says that. He sighs, looking slightly defeated. "You and I will never be buddies, I promise you that. We aren't going to stay up, and braid each others hair. it won't ever happen." He glances around the plane. "But you saved Pepper's life, and I will never be able to repay you for that." I glance towards the redhead, who had begun to sleep in her chair. Tony's coat was draped over her like a blanket. "Pepper is my world."  
After a long moment, I reply. "Cara is mine."  
Tony nods, seeming to believe it now more than he had in the past. "There's one thing though, that I don't understand." I say, and Tony looks up at me. "Why Pepper? Why kill her?"  
"She's a friend to every one of us on this team, and her death would be a harsh blow." Tony replies. "And she's my everything. With her gone..." He shakes his head. "The others would've been able to go on, but I think they thought I wouldn't be able too."  
"Thought?" I ask.  
"If they hurt her, I would hunt them down and kill them all. Only then would I break." I nod.  
"That's what I plan to do." After a long moment, Tony reaches out a hand. I shake it as he replies.  
"I'll join you."

I woke up in a small room. It was pleasantly warm and clean. The bed I was on was soft, and the blanket I was under was warm. One glance around the room told me that I was still in some sort of observation room. There was a large mirror on the opposite wall, and I instinctively knew it was a two way mirror. There was nothing else it could be.  
I don't move for a few moments, trying to look around as much as I could. I wasn't with HYDRA, I knew that much too. They wouldn't keep me in a place this nice. There was a small table beside my bed with a glass of water. This entire room was set up like a normal bedroom. I knew it wasn't. I needed to know where I was. I needed to find my way out.  
I sit up, and only then did I notice the lack of my prosthetic leg. Wherever I was, the people here had taken it. That wouldn't be useful. I don't bother trying to stand, knowing that it would be too much effort, and I'd have to keep a hand on the wall for balance.  
Some things were starting to come back. I had been out on my mission. I was supposed to shoot the redheaded woman. I had missed. Someone had pulled her away from my shot. And then they had attacked me.  
There had been the two highly trained people, the man and woman. I suspected they were agents of some kind but I couldn't be sure. Then there was the man in the American flag costume. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was a soldier. then the man in the metal suit. He had taken off his protective helmet. He was one of the people HYDRA had told me about. They had told me he was a target. My shot at him had only hit his cheek.  
There was the man HYDRA had warned me against. The one with the metal arm. They had told me what to do, and it had seemed effective until the man in the suit had stopped me. HYDRA had said that the man with the metal arm was nothing but trouble. That he would do anything to take me down. That he would kill me.  
HYDRA said a lot of things. Trust wasn't an emotion I felt with them. They brought me too much pain.  
I give myself a once over, making sure I wasn't injured. The only sign of injury on my body were the scars on the stump of my leg. I trace them with a single finger. I wonder where they came from?  
"Cara?" I jerk at the voice, startled. The door next to the long mirror opens slowly, and a head pops in. "You're awake." It's the man that was in the metal suit. My other target. He had a long bandage covering up where my bullet had grazed his cheek. I look around frantically as he takes a step inside. "Hey, hey. It's okay. You're okay." He tries to soothe me, but I don't listen. I end up grabbing my pillow. It was the only thing that I could really throw. "Really? What are we, ten?" He asks. I don't speak, and he sighs.  
"Look, the only reason that it's me in here first and not Barnes is because we voted it would be safer." Safer? Barnes? "You're safe here Cara."  
"You're a target." His expression changes to confusion, and I can see a little bit of worry. "You're a target. The rich one can be shot down. Everyone's a target. No one is an ally. No one." I whisper. My knuckles are white from how hard I'm gripping the pillow. There's a long moment before the man speaks again.  
"Cara..." He trails off, and I snap.  
"Who's Cara?" I ask, half-yelling. "Who are you? Just let me go!" I throw the pillow at him, and he dodges it. "The longer I take, the more they'll hurt me. Please just let me go." I hate that my voice trails off in a slight whimper. I watch as his face falls, and a look of complete hurt takes over.  
"Your name is Cara Charn. You're twenty three years old. Your mother was killed in a car accident, and your father was a serial killer. He cut off your leg. He was sentenced to death." The man says slowly. "I'm Tony Stark. I brought you to live with me so you could expand your skills in mechanics. In the past six months, you've taken in James Buchannan Barnes. He was forced to work for HYDRA like you. He was forced to kill." I don't take my eyes off the man. The guy who said he was Tony Stark. He said it like I should know him. I didn't. "You brought back his memories. You reminded him of who he was."  
"I don't know what you're talking about." I say. He lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.  
"I know. I know." He mutters. "But... does any of it sound familiar? Any of it? Don't I look familiar?" He asks, sounding almost desperate. I look at him, studying him.  
"No." He glances towards the mirror, and I can see the hurt in his eyes. "If you don't let me go, I'll fight my way out. Even if it kills me."  
"And go where? Back to HYDRA? Cara, they can't get to you here. They can't hurt you. You're safe here."  
"I'm not safe anywhere."

James~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"There's nothing. She doesn't remember anything." Tony says after he shuts the door. "I saw nothing there."  
"There's got to be something." Pepper says desperately. "She can't just... forget all of us forever. I mean, you remembered." She turns to me. "How did you remember? Maybe we can just do that."  
"Pepper... I nearly beat Steve to death before I even thought he looked familiar." I say quietly. "And even then I wasn't sure. I was on the run for a month before I went to Malibu."  
"Well there we go." Tony says. "We'll just have her punch you a few times. Trigger something." Pepper scowls at Tony.  
"This is not the time Tony." Pepper hisses.  
"Is there anything you can think of Bruce? To counteract what the did to her?" Steve asks. Bruce shakes his head.  
"From what I can tell, they didn't use any sort of serum to counteract. I'm thinking it was probably an extreme form of electroshock therapy." Bruce replies. I look through the two way mirror. Cara was just... sitting there. She wasn't doing a thing. It scared me.  
"So... what? We just keep talking to her and hoping she remembers something? What if she doesn't remember? What then?" Sam asks.  
"She'll remember. She has too." I murmur.  
"Do you think HYDRA will come for her?" Steve asks.  
"I don't know." I say. "I... I don't know. Until we know for sure, we need to focus on getting Cara back."

There wasn't a clock in the room, so I wasn't sure exactly how long I had been in there. At one point, I had gotten up and circled the room. I had tried the door, but it had been locked like I thought it would be. I ended up back on the bed, not sure of what else to do.  
I didn't know if HYDRA would come for me. If they did, I didn't want to know what sort of pain I was in for. What sort of torture they would come up with to punish me. If they didn't... Then what? What was I supposed to do? Sit here in this new prison cell? That's what it was, no matter how fancy it looked.  
Was I just supposed to sit here and do nothing? I wouldn't. Was going to get out if it killed me, just like I told that man. Tony Stark. Who was he, anyway? Why did he just assume I would trust anything he said? I didn't know him.  
I didn't know anyone.  
I wasn't stupid. I knew HYDRA did something to me. I wasn't normal. Normal people remembered who they were, and I knew nothing. I didn't know may name, or age, or... What color were my eyes? I hadn't looked in a mirror as far as I could remember. The only reason I knew what I looked like was the mirror in the room. I didn't get close enough to look into my eyes though. I didn't trust that mirror. I never knew what was on the other side. Watching me.  
My stomach growls, but I ignore it. I didn't know how long it had been since my failed assassination attempt, since I had been unconscious. I did know that they hadn't fed me yet. I had drunk all of the water from the glass that had been next to me when I had first woken up.  
There's a clicking noise as the door unlocks, and my head snaps up. I'm instantly wary, unsure of who was coming through the door. Would it be Tony Stark again, or... Worse? My eyes widen when I see the metal arm, and I open my mouth, ready to attack.  
"Wait, please." His voice is so soft that I hesitate. "I don't know what HYDRA told you about me, but it's wrong. I won't hurt you, I promise." I still don't speak. I look at him for a long moment, studying him. His eyes were an odd sort of clear blue. It was pretty. His hair was long, the strands cut around his chin. He was handsome.  
HYDRA hadn't warned me of that.  
"I bring food?" He says hesitantly, asking me if it was okay to take another step in. I don't say yes, but I don't protest either. "You've got to be hungry." Again, I say nothing. He lets out a soft sigh, glancing at something on the other side of the door before taking a step inside, shutting it. "It's, uh, your favorite Chinese food." He holds up a white box. The smell hits me, and I hold my breath. It smelled so good. Nothing at HYDRA had smelled like that.  
"Can I come closer?" He asks hesitantly. I stick to staying silent, letting him make a judgement call. After a long moment, he takes a few steps forward. The smell gets stronger, and I lean forward a little. He smiles, and I can't help but freeze. The smile fades. He carefully sets the box on the same table as the now empty water glass, as well as some utensils before taking a step back. I still don't move, too cautious for my own good.  
"It isn't poisoned or anything. No one tampered with it." He says, hoping that might make me try it.  
"I'm just supposed to trust you?" I ask quietly. He looks startled by me talking, but recovers quickly.  
"The water wasn't drugged." He replies. True enough.  
"Could have been a set up for this." I counter. He sighs.  
"It's fine, I promise." I raise an eyebrow. "Okay, okay." He grabs the knife from the few utensils he had brought in, and opens the box. The smell gets stronger. He stabs a piece of the food and shoves the entire piece in his mouth. I watch as he chews and swallows, waiting. "See?" He asks. I waist just a few moments longer before hesitantly reaching forward. I spear one of the pieces of chicken with the fork, and take a slow bite.  
I nearly cry.  
I begin shoveling food into my mouth. It tastes so good that, for a few moments, I forget where I am. I forget that I've forgotten everything. He smiles again, but this time I'm too busy eating to react.  
"If you want more, I can get more." He says after a minute. The food that had filled the box was now nearly gone. I hesitate before looking up at him. I nod, and he seems surprised. "Am I going to have to poison test that one too?" He asks, and I nod again. He glances towards the mirror, possibly checking to make sure those things were getting taken care of. "Do you mind if I stay?" He asks. "Talk a little bit?"  
"You're asking?" I reply. I slowly put the now empty container of food down on the table.  
"This isn't HYDRA." He says. "You aren't a prisoner. You have a say in what happens. We won't hurt you." I look up at him this time, gaze hard.  
"If I'm not a prisoner, then why is the door locked?" I shoot back. He glances towards the door.  
"Because we're worried." He replies slowly. I snort. "Can you blame us? You tried to kill Pepper. You don't remember any of us. You don't even think you could possibly know any of us. I know what HYDRA does. Until you remember, you're going to keep trying." He wasn't wrong. "I know that you're terrified because you don't remember any of us. I know. We're just hoping that you might remember something. Anything." I look down at the bed. He wasn't wrong.  
"What's your name?" I ask after a long second, so quiet that I'm not sure if he heard me.  
"James Buchannan Barnes." He replies. "Almost everyone calls me Bucky. Except you. You insisted on calling me James. You said you liked it better." I nod, thinking. None of that rang at bells. My head was just... Empty. So completely and utterly empty that I didn't know what to do.  
"James." I say slowly, testing out the word on my tongue.  
"Your name is Cara." He says after a moment.  
"That's what the other guy told me." I say, frowning. "But I don't... I don't...I just don't know." James nods.  
"I know the feeling."

"This won't work."  
"It might. You're too negative." I tense at the voices that enter my room, keeping my eyes closed. I was laying on the bed, pretending to be asleep.  
"I'm realistic." James counters. I hear the footsteps stop, and a sigh.  
"She's asleep anyway." Tony Stark says quietly.  
"No she isn't." James replies.  
"Barnes, I don't know how to describe sleeping to you. I'll just sum it up with, that." I assume he gestures to me. I stay still, keeping my breathing even.  
"She isn't asleep." James insists. " I can tell you're faking." He says to me. I let out a long breath before letting my eyes open.  
"Huh." Is all Tony says as I sit up.  
"Can't sleep." I mutter. "But there isn't anything else to do in this room." James sends me an apologetic look, and Tony shrugs.  
"You've been awake in here for eight hours and you're already making me feel even guiltier." Tony replies. "Anyway, now we've brought you something to do." There's a tablet in his hands.  
"Yay." I say with a deadpan expression.  
"Wow, did HYDRA suck the fun out of you too?" He asks.  
"Yeah basically." I say, looking him straight in the eye. "You say they took my memories. I don't even want to remember what they must have done to me before they wiped me." The room goes still at that.  
"She isn't wrong." James says quietly. Tony groans.  
"You're both depressing me, and now Pepper," He taps his ear. He must have an earpiece in. "is yelling at me for bringing it up."  
"It's not my fault Pepper is right." James replies. Tony raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.  
"Oh, do you want to go down that road?"  
"Can you both leave if you're going to start a slap fight?" I ask. "It's getting hard to breathe with all the testosterone." Tony grins.  
"Now maybe they didn't take her sense of humor." He says, walking over to me. I tense, but apparently this man doesn't read body language. Nor does he recognize personal space. "I've got photos and some videos. I'm going to fill in, and when I can't, Mr. Roboto is going to." I give him a confused look, as does James. He sighs. "Amnesiacs." He mutters under his breath, frustration clear in his voice.  
"Are you looking for an apology?" James asks. Tony just shrugs again and sits down on the bed next to me. I scoot a few inches away, keeping my distance. Tony chooses not to acknowledge it.  
"Okay, so I've got some pictures from your childhood that you had in your room. Pepper dug them up." He says, flipping on the tablet. He taps it a few times, making some pictures pop up on screen. I frown, my eyebrows furrowing together as I stared at the first picture.  
"That's you, your mother, and your father." He says, pointing to each person. He had pointed to a tiny girl, her brown hair long and in ponytails. She was grinning, one of her front teeth missing.  
"That's me?" I ask. He nods. "And that's my mother." He woman has long brown hair like me, though hers is curled, framing her face. She's wearing a sundress, and she's beaming. Tony nods again. "And my father." My father had short blonde hair, and a crooked sort of smile. He was wearing jeans, and a plaid shirt. "He's the one you say chopped off my leg?" I ask, my hand drifting down to the stubby end.  
"Yes." James replies quietly.  
"And he was a serial killer?" There's a pause this time.  
"Yes." He repeats, cautious.  
"Like me."  
"No." They both say instantly, looking at me with wide eyes. "No, Cara, not at all." James says quickly. "He had a choice. He wasn't controlled, or wiped by a secret group. What he did was his choice."  
"And, as far as we can tell, you havent actually killed anyone." Tony adds.  
"I tried." I shoot back, looking pointedly at the bandage still covering his cheek. I don't look at James. "I tried." I repeat.  
"But you didn't." James says, his voice soft but sure. "You didn't kill anyone. You were a puppet they were controlling." My breath catches in my throat. Tony glances between us before coughing.  
"And then there was this one." He says, flipping to the next picture. It was me as a kid again, with my mother. We were feeding cows, I realized. Then Tony flipped to the next one. My mother and I again. This time I was playing in the mud. It was a shot of me splashing a puddle, and a look of surprise and laughter on her face as the water was splattering her. The next was of the three of us again, with my mother sitting with me in her lap, a cake in front of us that read happy birthday. My father was behind us, smiling.  
"Is any of this... Ringing a bell?" Tony asks cautiously. I bite my lip, shaking my head no. None of it looked familiar. None of it... It was just... Just pictures. I couldn't even tell if the little girl was actually me. I didn't know.  
My mind was empty.  
Tony looks towards the window, his mind obviously somewhere else. I watch as his hand drifts towards the earpiece he was wearing. He stands, looking at James.  
"Do you think you can do the later stuff? I'm pretty sure-"  
"Go to Pepper." James cuts him off. He nods absentmindedly, moving towards the door. He disappears, the door shutting with a soft click behind him. It's quiet for a few moments.  
"Um..." James hesitates before swiping through the tablet, looking for something. "This is, uh, me and you. I think it was a few days after we first met. You're working on fixing my arm." He shows me the picture. Sure enough, it's the two of us in a large room. This photo was taken by a security camera, but apparently a high quality one. I was bent over his arm as he sat there, his face unreadable. "And then this was you and I swimming." I was splashing him, and we were both smiling. "And this is you making me try pizza for the first time." He's scrolling through the pictures quickly, barely giving me a chance to study them. "And this, this is us dancing." It's a video, even though no sound is coming out. "And this-" I put my hand on his, stopping the rapid swiping.  
He turns, his eyes meeting mine. I hadn't realized his were watering. "I'm... I'm sorry. I don't..." I trail off.  
"You have to remember. You have too." He suddenly says. I blink in surprise, leaning backwards. "All of what happened can't have been for nothing. All of these memories can't just be in my head. It isn't fair." I can hear the frustration in his voice. "And I never got to tell you that I love you, and now you don't remember. I love you doesn't mean anything." My breath catches in my throat. I could hear the emotion in his voice. The pleading. "and I... I..."  
"I'm sorry." I whisper. He shakes his head.  
"I shouldn't have-"  
"Don't." I say quietly, shaking my head. "It's not your fault." He looks up at me, his eyes meeting mine.  
"I love you Cara." He whispers, his voice heavy. I can't respond with anything other than,  
"I'm sorry."

"Um, Cara?" I look up, startled by the voice. It's the woman I had tried to shoot. The one HYDRA had sent me out to kill. I couldn't remember her name. She takes a hesitant step inside, glancing at something behind the door. Someone, more likely. It takes me a second to realize that she was holding something. A prosthetic leg. "I'm not technically supposed to be in here." She says quietly, taking another hesitant step. "Tony would freak out."  
I don't say anything, and she shuts the door, glancing towards the two way mirror. "He thinks you're going to attack me again. He's sort of asleep."  
"What if he was right?" I ask, and she looks startled by my bluntness.  
"I don't think he is." She says, shaking her head. "Um, all of the guys are asleep, actually. Nat's my bodyguard. She and I both think this is a good idea. It might help trigger something."  
"What?" James had left the tablet with me. I had gone through all the pictures. Twice.  
"Um..." She holds up the leg. "A walk can't hurt, right? Just through the tower." I frown at her.  
"What's your name?" I ask as she takes a few more steps forward. She stops at the question. "I... I know someone said it, but I don't remember." She nods.  
"Pepper. That's what everyone calls me, anyway." I nod, looking down at the bed. I hear her come closer, and after a long moment, she sets the leg down on the bed next to me. I stare at it for a moment, unsure. "If... If you don't want to..." Pepper trails off. I hesitantly move, putting my hand on the base of the leg. I slowly move, carefully sliding it on. I make sure it's on tight before I stand.  
Pepper is watching me carefully. "I'm sorry I scare you." I say quietly. Pepper blinks in surprise, and I know that she hadn't been expecting that.  
"What... no." She says. "I'm just... unsure. I just don't know what to do."  
"You don't know what I'll do." I say, and she purses her lips.  
"That's not-"  
"I know that's exactly what it is. I'm an amnesiac, I'm not stupid." I say quickly, cutting her off. "I can see the obvious. I have common sense. HYDRA didn't take that too." She blinks, and I don't miss the pained expression that crosses her face. I feel bad, but I don't know what to say. I look down at the floor. "Sorry." I felt like I had been saying that a lot lately.  
"It's fine." I glance up. A stressed and extremely fake smile is plastered on her face. "Why don't we go for that walk?" After a moment, I nod. She just nods as well, moving towards the door. I follow her silently. "We're going to have to be quiet in some places, because I really don't want any of the guys to wake up." Pepper babbles. I step out of the room cautiously, and my eyes instantly meet another pair.  
"Pepper, are you sure?" The red head asks, tearing her eyes away from mine after a long moment. Pepper hesitates.  
"I think it might help." She finally says. The red-head sighs.  
"I'm Natasha." She says, looking back at me. "And if you try anything, I don't care if you're one of my best friends. I will knock you out so quickly that you won't know what happened." I give her a long look before nodding once. I understood where she was coming from.  
Pepper moves, and I don't miss that Natasha is trailing us silently. "We're going to the main floor. It's where everyone just hangs about when there isn't anything to do." Pepper begins to babble, stepping into the elevator. "Then your room. I'm hoping that triggers something, at least. Or looks familiar." Nothing had yet, so I wasn't holding out with as much hope as she seemed to be. I honestly wasn't sure how she was holding onto this much hope.  
Ever since James had told me he loved me though, I had been trying. I racked my brain for anything, but there was nothing. He looked so desperate. So upset. So... genuine. I wanted to be the girl he remembered, but I couldn't remember how to be her.  
The elevator doors open, and I walk into the large living room. It was just that. A living room. Granted, a nice one, but just a living room. Pepper looks to me hopefully, and I watch her face fall when I shake my head no. TI takes her a second to perk back up, moving towards a hallway.  
"You have to be quiet until we get into the room." Pepper murmurs. "I'm pretty sure both Steve and Bucky have super hearing, so be cautious." I hadn't said a word since we had gotten into the elevator, but I nod anyway.  
As we walk, Pepper whispers who is in each room. I think she's hoping the layout will trigger something. I just nod along. She approaches one of the doors near the end of the hallway and opens it, quickly motioning for Natasha and I to follow her. I glance to Natasha,who just motions me in.  
The room is oddly cozy, and there are pictures on the desk and bedside table that I recognize. They had been on the tablet. Tony and James had hoped they would make me remember. Pepper looks at me hopefully.  
"It's... nice." I finally say. Her face falls yet again. I didn't like that I was doing that, but I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't going to lie. I didn't think I could. "I just... I don't know what to say. It's... It's a bedroom."  
"Well, um... maybe...  
"The labs? The garage?" Natasha supplies. Pepper looks at her gratefully, nodding.  
"Yeah. Let's try that." She says. Pepper moves around us, opening the door again. She lets out a choked gasp when she sees the person on the other side.  
"Oh." The man says. I frown. I recognized him from HYDRA's files. Captain America. "Sorry. I heard someone moving around." He notices me, and he blinks in surprise. "Pepper..."  
"I think it'll help." She replies, standing her ground. "And Nat is with me."  
"It's not safe."  
"Nice to meet you too, Cap." I say drily.  
"HYDRA told you who I was?" He asks, and I nod carefully.  
"Once the target was taken out, I was supposed to kill you if at all possible. Run if not. Report back." He stays still, his eyes flicking to Nat. She shrugs. That was helpful.  
"I'm walking with you the rest of the night then." Nat shrugs again. Did this woman ever show emotion?  
"What about Barnes?"  
"He's pretty dead to the world." Steve replies. "He's only been awake for what, seventy two hours straight?"  
"Why would he do that?" I ask, confused. Steve gives me a long look before answering.  
"He's either been with you, watching over you, or in the lab with Bruce trying to figure something out to help you." Steve says, making me look down.  
"Oh." I say quietly. He sighs.  
"I didn't mean..." He trails off, shaking his head. "Sorry. I'm just worried about him. About both of you." He finishes. I don't reply, and he turns to Pepper after a moment.  
"I'd suggest the garage. She spent more time in there than the lab." Steve says, and Pepper nods, immediately starting out of the room. We all follow her to the elevator, which takes us down farther and farther until we hit the ground floor. The tension in the elevator is so thick you could practically see it.  
The doors open, and we're in a large room that is holding more cars than I can remember. My eyes land on a workbench, and I frown, walking over. "Cara?" I hear Pepper ask cautiously, but I don't reply. I stop in front of an engine, and I let my fingers trial along the table it's on. I know all of them are behind me, but I don't acknowledge them.  
I take a few steps towards the toolbox, trying to see every little thing. There was something... here. Something I could feel. Something I knew.  
I dig through the toolbox, placing each tool down next to it. I slip one of the two screwdrivers up my sleeve. They wouldn't even give me my prosthetic leg until I needed it. I might as well have some form of protection.  
I get to the bottom of the toolbox, and I let my fingers trial along the inside edge until they catch. The false bottom pops up. I wasn't sure how I knew that it was there, but I did. There was something important inside. I knew that much.  
I carefully lift the small notebook out of the compartment, confused. What was this? I turn around slowly, staring at the thing. After a moment, I look up at the trio. "What is this?" I ask. Nat and Steve both look confused, but Pepper pales. "Why did I...?"  
"Its... yours." Pepper hesitantly says. "I didn't know where's you had hidden it. It's... it..." She looks to Nat and Steve, but the look as confused as I feel. "It might help." She finally allows. "But I'm pretty sure that only contains the bad memories." I purse my lips.  
"I'll take anything at the moment."

After Pepper had brought me back to my... room, I hadn't immediately opened the notebook. After she had talked about bad memories, I had been hesitant. I was going to read it. I knew I had too. There was no way around it. But... even so... I was worried. How could I not be, with the look that had been on Pepper's face. With the feeling I had in my gut.  
I let out a long sigh before finally reaching towards the ratty book. It honestly looked like it was barely holding itself together. I flip through the pages, noting that nearly all of them were filled with scribbles. Top to bottom, cover to cover. What had I written so much about?  
"Cara, wait." I look up, startled by the sudden voice. I hadn't even heard the door open. I grasp he notebook a little tighter, shifting my weight. I watch as James's eyes flick to the prosthetic leg leaning next to the bed. They hadn't taken it away when they had brought me back to the room. They had just left. It was a stupid move, but I was thankful. "They had told me what they had done. Cara, I don't think it's a good idea."  
"What? Getting my memories back?" I ask, going on the defensive.  
"No. Getting those back first." He replies. I purse my lips, looking down at the notebook.  
"And you have a better idea?" I ask quietly. "Nothing you've tried has worked yet. Why would it now?" It was cruel, but it was true. I can't read the look that flashes across his face. It disappears too quickly.  
"Because I actually got some sleep, and I'm thinking a little clearer." He says after a long moment. I look back up at him, trying to think. Pepper had said this notebook would contain only bad memories.  
"What would I remember, do you think?" I ask cautiously. James bites his lip.  
"Your mother, I'm pretty sure. Maybe a few other things, but mainly your mother." I bite my lip, and nod after a second. he sends me a small, relieved smile. I move, setting the notebook down on the bed next to me. James moves forward, then stops. "Sorry, I-"  
"Just come sit." I murmur, moving to put my back against the wall. He does after a moment, making sure he gave me enough room to be comfortable. "What's your idea?" I ask after a long silence, glancing towards him. I'm surprised by the faint blush the crawls up his cheeks. I frown.  
"Um..." He rubs the back of his neck. "It's slightly embarrassing." He finally replies. I give him a long look until something hits me, and my eyes widen in shock. He doesn't miss my expression. "No! no. Not that." He says quickly. I hadn't even noticed I had tensed my body until I relax again. "It's just slightly awkward for me."  
"What do you mean?" I ask.  
"Well, Jarvis doesn't come in this room for a few reasons. And I'm still struggling with the Ipod a little bit." He replies. "So I'm going to have to sing."  
"Sing?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "How is that going to help anything?"  
"It may not, considering I don't sing much for a reason. But I think it should help." I'm still confused, but I just nod slowly. "Okay. Right." He shifts on the bed, and lets out a long breath.  
_"He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way,  
He had a boogie style that no one else could play,  
He was the top man at his craft.  
But then his number came up, and he was gone with the draft.  
He's in the army now, a blowin' reveille  
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B."_

James didn't have a bad voice. On top of that... there was something there. I frown as the lyrics swim through my head. I don't miss James glancing towards me, hesitating before he continued.

_"They made him blow a bugle for his Uncle Sam,  
It really brought him down because he couldn't jam,  
The Captain seemed to understand,  
Because the next day the Cap went out and drafted a band  
And now the company jumps when he plays reveille  
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B."_

There was a pressure in my head. It was making me wince, the pain growing. I let one of my hands move to the side of my head, and I shut my eyes. The light was too bright.

_"A toot, a toot, a toot didlyada doot  
He blows it eight to the bar  
In boogie rhythm.  
He can't blow a note unless the guitar and bass-"  
_"He can't blow a note unless the bass and guitar is playin' with 'im." I correct automatically, the pain intensifying. How had I known that? _How had I known?_ I'm grinding my teeth together it hurts so much. James doesn't continue. "Keep... Keep going." I whisper.  
"I-"  
"Please." I cut him off, feeling breathless. After a moment, he starts singing again.  
_"He can't blow a note unless the bass and guitar is playin' with 'im.  
He makes the company jump_ _when he plays reveille  
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B."  
_The dam breaks.

James~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There's a scream from beside me, and Cara is clutching at her head, her fingers getting caught in her hair. She's letting out the screams through clenched teeth, and I see a tear move down her cheek.  
"Cara!" I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. I hadn't been in a situation like this where it hadn't been me screaming. I hesitate only a second before moving, wrapping her small, shaking frame in my arms as she fought through pain. I didn't remember remembering like this. It hadn't been painful. Not like this.  
I hold her, moving a hand through her hair a soothingly as I could. I didn't know what else to do.  
After nearly ten straight minuets, the screaming trails off into whimpering. She's not tearing at her head, but her hands don't move from where they are either. Her shaking is worse.  
It takes another fifteen for her to slide into sleep. For her body to finally relax. For everything to stop.  
All I can do is sit there and hold her.

"How much do you think she'll remember?" Tony asks as I walk out of Cara's room. "Everything?" I shake my head, glancing through the two way mirror at Cara.  
"No. I think if she had remembered everything, there would have been a lot more screaming." I murmur. "I wish I knew what she remembered though."  
"How did you know that would work?" Nat asks, glancing up at me.  
"How did Steve know what would trigger my memories in DC?" I shoot back. "I got an idea and I ran with it." She nods. "I don't know how long she'll be out."  
"You didn't react like that." Steve murmurs.  
"No. I didn't." I say quietly.  
"Why did she react like that then?" I take in a deep breath, shaking my head. "I don't-"  
"We wanted to make sure that She wasn't defective like you." Everyone spins around at the unfamiliar voice, thick with a german accent. "Unfortunately, it looks like we only delayed the process. I'm sure if we had more time..."  
"Jarvis." Tony says, panic creeping into his voice. There are nearly ten men in front of us, all in tactical gear, all with the HYDRA symbol on their shoulders.  
"I'm so-sorry sir. T-They H-H-H-" The mechanical voice cuts out. Tony curses under his breath. Nat takes her gun out slowly, I see Steve tense, getting ready to fight. Clint glances towards his bow on the other side of the room, where his bow was sitting. He had been working on the arrows.  
"Your system really isn't that hard to hack." The man continues.  
"How did you finally get through?" Tony asks carefully. "You've been trying for what, a year?"  
"Stop with the small talk Stark." The man says. "It will get you nowhere." I didn't have a weapon on me, and I was regretting it. The man glances behind me, inside Cara's room.  
"Why aren't you-"  
"Under your control?" I ask quietly, my voice hard. "Maybe you had even less control over her than you thought." The man thinks for a second, then smirks.  
"You knocked her out, didn't you?" He chuckles darkly. "After all we put her through... well, she wouldn't dare disobey."  
"All you put her through?" Tony asks darkly. The man shrugs.  
"We needed to make sure we didn't have another failure like the Winter Soldier." The man replies. "It involved a little more pain."  
"You son of a bitch." I mutter, my hands forming into fists. Again, the man simply shrugs.  
"HYDRA does what it has too." The man says, waving our anger off. Nat's gun clicks as she levels it, aiming towards the man's head. The men behind the main main all leveled their guns on Nat.  
"So do we." She replies quietly.  
"Ms Romanoff, that is not smart-"  
"You broke into the Avenger's tower and stated plainly that you hurt one of the people that we care about. And you're telling me what I'm doing isn't smart?" She cuts him off. "I'm sorry you're that stupid. Oh, wait. That's one of the requirements for a HYDRA agent, isn't it?"  
"Make sure someone adds "Sarcastic" To Widow's file."  
"You could tell that was sarcasm? Smarter than I thought." Nat mutters.  
"Also add "Shoot on sight." Nat smirks at that. "Now. Get out of our way."  
"That's not going to happen." I say , voice cold. "Not a chance."  
"For once, I agree with frosty." Tony adds. He was fiddling with a bracelet on his wrist as he talked. "There is no way you're getting us to move." The man just smirks at that. A gun goes off, and Steve yells out in surprise and pain. I watch blood seep through his shirt in his shoulder. He stumbles back, hitting the glass.  
Clint dives for his bow, and it's strung in a matter of seconds. Half the HYDRA men focus their weapons on him, and the rest stay focused on the rest of us. "Get out of the way." The man says again. "Or we shoot. You may be the Avengers, but you aren't bulletproof." No one moves a muscle. The man sighs.  
"Soldier." I meet his eyes. "Move, or I will make you destroy them all." My teeth clench, but I stand my ground. "I know you don't want her dying at your hands. It would be in your best interest to move."

I couldn't kill Cara. I wouldn't. The only problem was I knew he could make me with the trigger words. I wouldn't be in control of myself. "Now, soldier." I still hesitate, glancing through the glass. Cara was still sound asleep.  
"Alright, I might not like Barnes in any way, shape, or form whatsoever." Tony begins, startling everyone. "But if you threaten him, you threaten other people on this team, and therefore you threaten me. And..." He chuckles. "That isn't going to happen."  
One of Tony's suits comes bursting through the wall, immediately attaching onto Tony. The HYDRA agents fire a second too late, and the bullets bounce off his suit. "Well, wasn't this fun?" Tony asks, his voice now robotic. "But now I think it's time for you to leave."  
"I think it's time for you to get out of our way." The man replies. "Soldier, I'm giving you a choice. Get out of our way, or we will use you to make the rest of them get out of our way." I'm shaking with rage, and I know this guy has me backed into a corner.  
" Желание." He spits out. My head starts pounding. He opens his mouth to say the next word, but I step to the side, clutching at my head. He smirks. "Smart move."  
The others look at me with shock and surprise. Steve on the other hand, is frowning at me, still clutching at his bleeding shoulder. The man and a few of his cronies walk past, swinging open the door to Cara's room. For the first time since I had left, she stirred.  
"Ah, there she is-" I swing around, wrapping my metal arm around the leader's neck in a chokehold. He gasps, clawing at my arm. All the other agents train their weapons on me.  
"Not smart." Nat says, shooting four of them before they can turn. Clint and Tony both begin firing as well. Cara sits straight up in her bed, eyes going wide at the chaos. The man I'm holding claws at my face, distracting me long enough for two of his men to slip in.  
"Stop!" Everyone turns, the two agents each holding a gun to the sides of Cara's head. She didn't even have a chance to run. We hadn't given her her leg. She glances at them before her eyes meet mine. "Let him go Barnes." The man says harshly. "All of you, WEAPONS DOWN!"  
One look at Cara's terrified expression is enough to make me drop the man. The rest of the team lowers their weapons. The man I was holding coughs as he struggles to his feet. It takes nearly a full minute before he's finally silent. He turns to Cara, completely ignoring everyone.  
"You're coming with us."  
"No." Her voice is harsh, and she sits a little straighter. The man raises an eyebrow.  
"No? No? You dare tell me No?" She holds her head up, and I'm desperately searching her face for any sign of what she remembers, if anything. Nothing appears. "You come with us now, without a struggle, and I will offer you something you can't refuse." Cara narrows her eyes. "I can make the pain stop. I can make it all about making you a killer. I can make the torture, the mind wipes, everything stop. All you have to do is come with us willingly." Cara blinks in surprise, as do I.  
I knew what he was offering. I knew exactly how much that was. It was... it was an offer to save her sanity. It was an offer to stop her from going crazy. "We can walk out of here, alone. None of them will be killed. We must leave now."  
Cara looks at me, searching for something. She looks at the others, at Nat and Clint. She looks down at the ground and slowly nods once. The man grins.  
"Cara." Her name slips out without me meaning to say it. She doesn't even look at me as the other two HYDRA agents lower their guns and help her stand. She makes her way over, leaning on one of the agents as she hops. They stop in front of me and the leader.  
"Just... just one more thing." Cara whispers, looking at the leader. All eyes are on her.  
"What?" He asks, looking amused. Looking like he had won. He had.  
"Burn in hell."  
Cara slams a screwdriver into his neck.

James~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Blood splatters everywhere, spraying Cara. She had to have hit an artery. Nat fires again, and I turn, quickly taking out a different agent. Cara grabs the two that had been helping her walk and slammed their heads together. The rest of the agents drop when Stark fires multiple bullets at 's only when all of the agents are on the ground that anyone moves out of defense.  
Cara leans back against the bloody doorframe, slowly sliding down until she's on the floor. She's shaking, staring at nothing. Tony's faceplate slides up, and everyone lowers their weapons as I slowly sink down onto my knees. "Cara?" I ask quietly.  
"I remembered my mom." She whispers. "I didn't want them to take that away. I couldn't let them take that away." She doesn't look up at me.  
"You remembered something?" I ask carefully. Hope was pouring into me. She nods ever so slightly.  
"They'd... they'd take that away. I didn't want them too." Her voice breaks as she looks down at the floor. I glance up at the team.  
"Come here." I whisper, moving forward. She doesn't object as I take her into my arms, lifting her up off the floor. She leans her head on my shoulder, and I can feel her shaking get worse. She shuts her eyes, her hand clutching at my shirt. I walk through the room, avoiding all of the fallen agents.  
I look at Tony, who nods at me. "I've got this covered." He says, and I nod back, making my way through the door. I carry Cara through the tower, and it's silent as I get to the elevator. She speaks only after the doors close.  
"I remembered you." She whispers, not opening her eyes. I look down at her, startled. "I remember sitting in a garage, I think. I was painting your arm. I was singing that song."  
"Yeah. you were." She bites her lip.  
"I don't want to forget." She says, a sob coming out.  
"Hey, hey..." I coo. "It's okay. You won't forget, I promise. I've been where you are. You aren't going to forget." She turns, burying her face in my shirt. The elevator doors open, and I carry her to her room. I lower her into a chair, and she doesn't let go of my shirt. "I'm going to get a bath started. You've got blood on you." After a long moment she nods, letting me go.  
I quickly walk into the bathroom, turning the faucet in the tub on after plugging it. It slowly fills, but I can't help but glance at the door to the room. I didn't remember my memories hitting me this hard. I also didn't scream in pain when they came back to me either.  
I thought I would be able to help her through this. I thought I would be able to help her the way she helped me.  
Even if I couldn't do what she did for me, I was going to be here. I wasn't going to leave her side. I wasn't going to let her be hurt. Not again.  
The water fills the tub as I add some scented soaps. I wasn't fully sure what Cara liked, so I went with my first instinct. I shut off the water, quickly checking the temperature before going back into the room. Cara hadn't moved from where I sat her.  
"The bath is ready." Her head snaps up at that, obviously startled. She lets out a long breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She blinks slowly, her breathing evening out.  
"It's okay, I was just... I was trying to remember something else." She says quietly. She forces out a laugh. "Ridiculous. I know." She mutters. "I remember one stupid thing and I think everything is going to come back."  
"It's not ridiculous." I reply, taking a few steps towards her. "I didn't have that hope. You helped me get my memories back after I found you. You're one of the only reasons I got the rest of my memories back. You helped me through it. Through everything." She looks up, eyes meeting mine. "You got me through the nightmares, and the fear, and every bad thought HYDRA planted in my head. I never told you that when you smiled at me, you made the terrible thoughts, the feelings, vanish." She takes in a shaky breath.  
"I don't know what I want to remember." She says, not looking away from me. "I'm scared to find out what these scars on my stump are. I'm scared to remember everything HYDRA did to me before they took my memories. I'm... I'm scared." I move slowly, trying not to startle her even more. I put my hand on her arm.  
"I'm not going to lie to you, or sugarcoat anything. Some of your memories will hurt. Some will be amazing, and some will make you cry. But these memories... they're what make you you. And no matter what, I'll be here for all of them."  
It takes her a long moment, but she nods. "Okay. Let's get you cleaned up." I murmur, helping her up. She doesn't let me carry her, but instead leans on me for support. "I'll grab you some new clothes out of your wardrobe. And your leg. I'll put them by the door." She doesn't say anything, and I head for the exit.  
"Can you stay with me tonight?" She says quickly. "I just... if I remember something. You said you'd be there." I nod.  
"I'll just... I'll set your clothes inside the bathroom door. I promise not to look." I say, and I see her shoulders slump. I shut the door with a small click, letting out a long breath in the empty room. I move towards the closet, grabbing her pajamas, as well as her leg. I do as I promise, keeping my eyes down as I open the door a crack and set the stuff inside.  
"Buck?" I turn, startled to see Steve in the doorway. I glance towards the bathroom before walking towards him. "We got everything cleaned up. How's she doing?"  
"She's terrified." I say bluntly. "I don't blame her. I was too." He nods. "I'm staying for her."  
"Tony wants to see if he can try any tests in the morning. See if he can find anything that might help." I shake my head.  
"Not going to happen. She'd freak the second she stepped in the lab." Frowning, Steve looks at me. "I nearly did, and she's been through worse. Not tomorrow." He lets out a long sigh.  
"I'll let him know." It goes quiet for a few moments. "Buck, are you okay? You've been running yourself into the ground."  
"I'm fine." I say too quickly. "Really. She... she remembered her mom." Steve's expression softens. "I guess I can do something right."

I had started walking around the tower, basically soaking in every room. I was trying so desperately to trigger more memories, but it was more difficult than it seemed. It felt like it would take a lot to trigger a memory, but at the same time, it would only take something small. A glance out of the window. A smell. It was so confusing.  
I still hadn't cracked open the journal. I was slightly terrified. With every memory that broke through, a wave of pain came with it.  
I had started responding to Cara more, now that I knew that was my name. They had told me, but I hadn't truly trusted it until I had a few of my memories to confirm it. Even then, It was still a surprise sometimes, how quickly I reacted to the name.  
For some reason, I was most comfortable in the garage. Pepper and James told me that I had spent the majority of my time down here before everything had happened. That there were days that I would work non-stop on whatever the project was.  
"Is this your arm?" I ask curiously as the hologram pops up in front of me. Tony had shown me which file was mine on the Stark database, and I had been looking through. James looks up from what he was doing, turning a little so that he could see it.  
"Yeah, I think so." He replies. I zoom in on parts of it, looking it over.  
"This is really... complex." I say, finally finding the word. James chuckles.  
"That's what I thought, but you fixed it anyway." I look up at him in surprise. I had started to feel the most comfortable whenever I was around James, Tony, or Pepper. I wasn't sure why it was only those three, but if I was alone with anyone else, I was on edge. Once the others had realized that, they gave me a little more distance. They gave me time. "I didn't tell you?" James asks, frowning. "How we met?" I shake my head.  
"No." I say quietly. He had told me that he loved me. I hadn't forgotten that. I doubted I was going to forget that.  
"Well..." He trails off with a small smile. "I kind of broke into Tony's Malibu mansion. I had heard that Tony's jet was going to be landing there, and I thought he would be able to fix me. You came instead." I raise an eyebrow.  
"Was I that bad?" I ask, and he laughs.  
"No, no. You turned out to be better than Tony, trust me." I smile. "You became pretty determined to fix both my arm and me. I was still trying to recover from what had happened. From both HYDRA and attempting to get my memories back." My smile fades. "You helped me through it. All of it. I went from having a few scattered memories here and there, to having all of them. I went from an assassin to a somewhat normal person."  
"Normal?" I ask. He cracks a smile.  
"Okay, not normal." He amends. "But a person instead of a machine. Instead of a killer." I look back to the hologram, avoiding his gaze. "I want to help you come back too." I stay silent, zooming in on a part of the hologram.  
"I'm going to have to read it, aren't I?" I ask after a long moment. James doesn't speak for a while.  
"I think so." He finally says. I let out a long, shaky breath.  
"Mr Barnes, Captain Rogers is requesting you." James looks up towards the ceiling with a groan. The corners of my mouth twitch into a small smile at the exasperation on his face.  
"Why?"  
"Another lead on-"  
"Thank you Jarvis." James cuts him off. I frown, narrowing my eyes at James. He doesn't look at me when he stands. "I've got to go. Will you be okay?" I nod hesitantly. "I don't know if anyone on the team is going to stay behind."  
"Where are you all going?" I ask carefully, tracing my fingers along the table.  
"Out on a mission. We'll be fine. I promise." That wasn't what I was worried about. What I was worried about, was how vague he was being.  
"Okay." I say quietly. James hesitates as he turns, but continues walking, making his way towards the elevator. I turn back to the hologram, looking it over.  
"Call if you need anything." I hear from behind me. "And I mean anything." I nod. I wait until I hear the elevator doors close to look away from the hologram. I let out a long breath, looking around the garage.  
"Jarvis?"  
"Yes Miss?"  
"Tell me when they're all gone?" I say hesitantly.  
"Of course Miss."

The journal is sitting in my lap, but I can't bring myself to open it. I'm in what they told me was my room, sitting in the large armchair that I had pushed to the corner. It made it easy for me to scan the room. I had Jarvis set to alert me if anyone came.  
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I run my finger over the frayed edge of the cover. There were two voices in my head. One was screaming at me to open it. The other was whispering for me not too.  
I open it.  
I'm startled at the childish writing on the page. The scrawl was almost horrifying. I scanned the page, watching as the handwriting became more jagged. I take in a shaky breath before returning to the top of the page, beginning to read.

_I don't want to write in this stupid journal. It's a dumb idea. the doctor is making me do it. I don't like it. I'm supposed to write down my feelings about what happened. I'm angry and sad at the same time.  
I never thought Dad would hurt me like that. I remember when Mommy died. He was crying. He kept crying, and was as sad as I was. I never thought Dad was capable of hurting anybody. But he killed all of those women. Now all of their families are like mine.  
Broken.  
When he took my leg off, it hurt so much. It still hurts.  
Everything hurts.  
When I try to remember what happened, all of what happened when he removed my leg, all I can remember is the blood and pain.  
Blood and pain.  
Blood and pain.  
Blood  
Pain  
Blood  
Pain.  
It all hurts so much._

I feel pressure in my skull, but it's nothing like when I had remembered things before. Nothing close to that pain.  
I grimace at the pain in my leg though. The phantom pains shooting up from the stump. I look around the room before cautiously standing. I make my way over to my bed, quickly taking off my prosthetic and rubbing my stump. It didn't help any.  
The pressure increases, and I bring my hands to my head, letting myself fall back on my mattress.

Pepper~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ms. Potts?" I look up from where I'm sitting on the couch. I was working on some paperwork for Stark Industries.  
"Yes Jarvis?" I reply.  
"I would suggesting calling Mr. Barnes." I frown, cautiously standing.  
"Why?" They had only been gone for two hours.  
"Ms. Cara will not stop screaming. I believe she is remembering getting her leg removed." The blood drains from my face.  
"Call Bucky. Now." I order, my feet carrying me to the elevator. "If it doesn't go through, call Tony. Call everyone until you get someone."  
"Yes Ms. Potts."

My eyelids feel almost sticky as I struggle to open them. I pry them open, blinking wildly at the bright light as I wait for my eyes to adjust. I take in a deep breath, and my chest aches with the movement. I wince, glancing around the room. Everything was so bright. I wasn't a fan of it.  
It takes me a few moments to figure out where I am, and I'm immediately confused. I had no clue why I was in the medical wing. A slight tugging on my hand alerts me to the fact that I've got an IV in as well. What was going on? "Cara?" It takes a second for me to respond, and I frown at how much effort it takes to turn my head.  
"James?" I croak. My throat was on fire. I hear rushed movements, and then there's a touch on my other hand. James comes into my view, and the first thing I notice is his extremely worried expression. Then relief stretches across his face.  
"Oh my..." His head drops into his hands, and he takes in a few deep breaths before straightening. "I was so worried. I've been so worried." I frown, confused.  
"What...?" He glances towards the ceiling.  
"Jarvis, tell the others that she woke up." He says before returning his attention to me. "Cara what were you thinking? It took me an hour to get back. You've... you've been out for a week. You've been screaming off and on. This is the first time you've been lucid." I look down at the thin blanket covering me. I was in a scratchy hospital gown too.  
"What did I do?" I ask after a second, still confused.  
"What do you remember?" James asks hesitantly. I frown, thinking.  
"I remember... My leg. My father took it off. I was in the hospital for months. And... I went to school, and Tony found me. He adopted me." James blinks in surprise. "I worked with him. I came to New York, and the battle happened. I went back to Malibu. I..." I look down at my hand. The one he was still holding. "I met you." I say, looking up. "I fixed your arm, and I helped you bring your memories back, and we danced, and the avengers came home, and..." I trail off, shaking my head. "HYDRA." I feel my heartbeat pick up as the panic sets in, and my eyes meet James's.  
"Cara."  
"HYDRA, James, they..." I can feel myself start to hyperventilate. "It hurt so much. It hurt. I... I...I can't..."  
"Hey, hey. Cara. It's okay. You aren't there. You're here. You're safe." He says, squeezing my hand. "No one is going to hurt you here."  
"They did so much. I... I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember that."  
"Cara." He cups my face in his hands, stopping me from shaking. "I know. I know what you've been through. You're okay. You are never going to go through that again." My eyes meet his,and after a few moments, I force myself to breathe evenly. To calm down.  
"What the hell?" James lets me go, turning to look at the door. "Jarvis told me she woke up."  
"Tony?" I ask, immediately recognizing him. He stops. His eyes dart to James, then back to me.  
"She remembers." James says, and I see Tony relax completely.  
"I..." I hesitate when both eyes land on me. "I think I remember everything?" It comes out as a question. I wasn't sure if I was missing anything. How would I know? "I don't know. There's so much. It hurts." My head was pounding. It was so painful I couldn't think straight. Each memory of Hydra was bubbling to the surface, hitting me full force.  
"I'm going to get Bruce. See if I can get her some pain medication. Tony says. "I'll be right back." He promises before rushing out of the room. I let out a groan as the pain increases, the hand that James wasn't holding flew to cradle my head.  
"I can't think." I whimper, hating how weak I sounded. James carefully moves, half pulling me over, half crawling into the bed with me. He cradled me to his chest, running his hand through my hair. I curl into him, burying my face into his neck.  
"Cara, I...oh." Bruce stops in the doorway, hesitating. He glances towards my IV drip. My eyes meet his, and I mouth the word "please." He nods, walking over without a word and grabbing a syringe. I don't watch him inject me. "That should help." He whispers. "If you need me, use Jarvis." He leaves the room without another word.  
I let myself rest against James, and as the pain slowly ebbs away, I slowly let myself fall asleep.

The next time I wake up, there are a few more people in the room besides James and I. Tony, Pepper, and Steve were all in the corner, murmuring with Bruce. I look up to see James, still completely asleep. He hadn't stirred whatsoever, which surprised me. I knew he was normally an extremely light sleeper.  
My head wasn't pounding nearly as much as it had been, though it was still hurting. I look around, not wanting to move. I look towards the group again, though this time I catch Pepper's gaze. She gasps, her hands covering her mouth. "Cara!" She rushes over, pushing Steve out of the way.  
James jerks awake, nearly falling out of the bed and taking me with him. He stops himself, looking around wildly. He looks at me, and I see him relax. Then I feel arms wrap around me, and I tense.  
"Cara I'm so sorry. I wanted to help more but I didn't know what to do, and they wouldn't let me in here because they said you weren't in your right mind, and I found you in your bedroom and I was so scared." Everything she's saying is blurring into one incredibly fast sentence. I feel like I can't breathe.  
"Pepper..." Tony trails off. I think that it's only then that Pepper notices how tense I am. How I haven't moved to hug her back. She lets me go, and even though she tries to hide it, I don't miss the flash of disappointment on her face. The look of hurt.

"I'm sorry, I... I just..." I trail off, not knowing how to explain it. Her expression immediately softens.  
"It's okay. I came up to fast didn't I?" She says, taking a step back. I nod after a second, grimacing. Bruce walks up, breaking the awkward tension.  
"Cara, I want to do an MRI scan to make sure you don't have any brain damage. I would've done it when you first got here, but I have a feeling you would've fought us." I nod absentmindedly.  
"I don't know if I can handle an enclosed space." I murmur. Bucky slides off the bed as Steve walks over, and I can't help but glance between them.  
"I need to make sure you're as healthy as can be." Bruce says.  
"Can it wait until tomorrow?" I ask after a long moment. He nods. "I think I need to sleep in my own bed. I need time." It's only Bucky that breaks the silence after that statement.  
"Take as much as you need. I'll be with you through all of it."

Everyday seemed to crawl by as I slowly came back into the real world. It had only been a few days, and I hadn't thought it would be nearly this difficult. Now though, I understood why James had reacted the way he had when certain things happened. Mostly because now, that was how I was reacting.  
Any sudden sounds, any sudden movement, and I was immediately on the defensive. I couldn't sleep without nightmares, though now they were mixed. It was either the nightmare of my father, the one I was used to, or the nightmares were of what HYDRA had done to me.  
Either way, I wasn't getting more than two hours of sleep without waking up. Hell, I was lucky if I didn't wake up screaming or in tears. Most nights consisted of about four hours of sleep before I gave up and just faked it.  
The only person who knew what I was truly going through was James. True to his word, he didn't leave me alone. He was there when I needed him to be. After the first night, realizing he'd come into my room every other hour to calm me down, I told him to just stay there. Sleeping in his arms is what extended my sleeping pattern from one hour to two.  
It was strange to see how the others were reacting to me. Nat, she was the next closest to Bucky when it came to knowing what I was going through, though I wasn't sure why. She knew what my limits were. Since Clint was near her most of the time, he was sticking to her habits around me. Steve still forgot sometimes, about what had happened to James and I. Tony and Pepper were the ones that worried me the most.  
Tony was just so absentminded that he didn't think things through. He slammed cabinet doors in the kitchen, he would yell something at me without thinking, he would toss me something when I asked for it. I knew he wasn't doing this on purpose. He wasn't meaning to make jump, or freeze, or even want to sprint out of the room. He just...didn't think.  
Pepper on the other hand, was almost overly cautious. After what had happened when I had first woken up, she tip toed around me. While Tony never thought things through, she was overthinking things.  
To top it all off, Jarvis scared the hell out of me now.  
This is why I was sticking to James's side most of the time. I wasn't sure what else to do. He was trying to get me used to everything again.  
"James-"  
"Just trust me on this." He says quietly, and I let out a long breath.  
"How do you know this will make me more comfortable?" I ask, looking up at him.  
"Because when you did something like this for me, it helped me settle back in more." I look up at him curiously. "More than I let on."  
"I don't know if I'm ready to be around other people." He looks up at me, studying me.  
"Okay, I'll let you hold this off for a few more days on one condition." I raise an eyebrow, glancing around the very empty garage. I had a bad habit of scanning my surroundings now. "Dance with me?"  
"What?" I ask. He holds out his hand, and I hesitantly take it.  
"Jarvis?" James asks. Music instantly starts up, and it only takes me a second to realize that it's swing music. James offers his other hand, and it takes one more glance around the room before I take it.  
"If I remember correctly, last time we did this it didn't end so well." I point out, racking my brain for the memory.  
"Well, we'll just have to see." He replies. He starts off slow, doing easy moves. As I remembered from our last dance, things picked up. He twirls me, and I fight to balance on my leg. I feel my lips twitch into a tiny smile as James grins, watching us dance carefully. He twirls me one more time as the music begins to fade out.  
"There it is." I look up at James. "I've been wondering when you'd smile again." After a moment, I feel my smile start to fade. "And I ruined it."  
"No, wait." I say quickly. "It's not that, I just..." He frowns, looking concerned. "James, you've been helping me be not completely crazy this past week. And I can't stop thinking about something you told me." He doesn't let my hands go, but he lowers them from the dancing position. "James, you told me you loved me, and I couldn't remember why."  
"I still love you." He murmurs after a moment.  
"Yeah, well..." I trail off. His face falls a little. "I suppose this is where I tell you I love you too." His eyes snap up to mine, and I see his shoulders drop as his entire body relaxes. "I mean, I just feel terrible, because I think I knew that I loved you for a while, but then HYDRA kidnapped me, and I just... Forgot everything. When you told me you loved me, I knew something was wrong. I had a horrid feeling in my gut because I didn't remember. Now I know why." I take a deep breath, glancing around again. "I had that horrid feeling because I knew I should be saying I love you back, but I didn't know.  
"Because I do love you, and I couldn't say it, and I... I just... I sat there and apologized. I just wanted to say I loved you. I needed to say I love you."  
"Hey, hey..." He whispers. I feel his hands cup my face, and I don't realize there is a tear running down my cheek until he wipes it away. "I love you too. It's okay." I'm shaking like a leaf. His eyes search mine, and after a few moments, I can't help but break the silence.  
"Okay, am I remembering this wrong, or shouldn't you be kissing me at this point?" I whisper, hesitant to say anything.  
"No, you aren't remembering it wrong." He chuckles. He leans forward, pressing his lips softly to mine.  
And for the first time since I had woken up, I felt completely and utterly safe.

It took six months for me to stop jumping at every sudden movement, and another two months to not jump at every sound. I slowly came back into the world, paranoid the entire way. It took the entire team helping me through it, and James by my side. But I did make my way into the world. I got there, and I made it through.  
James and I got our own apartment a year after everything had happened. We both agreed it was easier to be away from the tower and the constant missions. I wasn't doing well with the constant stress.  
I did however, finish repairing my leg. Nat had also decided that training me would help me not think as much, as well as give me some peace of mind. It did surprisingly. When everything with Ultron went down, James and I both ended up helping. It was the only scenario where I was an Avenger, and I knew it would have to be that level of danger for me to ever be considered an avenger again. I had quickly realized it wasn't my kind of thing.  
It took two years before James proposed. It happened so randomly, and the whole thing made me laugh whenever I thought about it. I was in our tiny kitchen with James, both of us trying, and failing, to cook. James had insisted that we couldn't live on constant takeout food and microwavable meals. We tried to cook at least twice a week, and it usually ended up with the fire alarm going off, and pizza being ordered.  
"Wait, add a pinch of garlic? James, you told me to add a tablespoon!" I say, my eyes watering.  
"I read it wrong. We were supposed to put in a cup of onions, and two of peas, and not the other way around." He says quickly. I hear the familiar shrill beep of the fire alarm, and when I turn around I see smoke coming out of the oven. I curse under my breath, turning the oven off and yanking the burnt bread out of the oven.  
"Great." I mutter, running over to grab one of the kitchen chairs, quickly climbing up and pressing the button to stop the alarm. I walk over to the phone, dialing the landlord. "Hey Mr. Macken. Yeah, we were trying to cook again. Sorry." He quickly tells me that it's okay, and when it happened again to just call him. I hang up, letting out a long breath before turning around.  
I freeze in my tracks, staring down at the sight in front of me. James chuckles awkwardly, biting his lip. "I, uh, planned on doing this when we actually cooked successfully. It's been three months of trying, so I don't think it's going to happen." He shifts his weight, and I realize how uncomfortable it must be on one knee. "Okay. Cara." He looks up, eyes meeting mine. "I love you. You've been there for me since the beginning. Since Ii threatened your life. Even then you stayed with me. Helped me through everything." He glances down, and then back up at me. "Even after HYDRA took you, you stayed with me. I can't imagine life without you. I don't think I could survive without you. Cara, I love you. Will you marry me?"  
I'm in so much shock that I can't think. "I..." I trail off. "Well, I can't say no to that, can I?" I finally reply. His face splits into a large smile, and he lunges up, quickly pulling me into his arms and pressing his lips against mine.

Four years later~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mommy!" I turn, my eyes scanning the room. Hope runs into the room, dragging Steve's Shield behind her. "I took Uncle Steve's Shield!"  
"I see that." I laugh.  
"Hide it!" I let out another laugh, quickly taking his shield and putting it on top of the fridge. My daughter holds up her arms, and I smile and pick her up.  
"Hope!" I turn as James comes in, Steve right behind him. Hope giggles, burying her face into the crook of my neck.  
"What's wrong honey?" I ask innocently. James gives me a playful glare, showing me his arm. There are My Little Pony stickers and magnets all over his arm. I have to press my lips together to stop from laughing.  
"And she took my shield." Steve adds. I turn, narrowing my eyes playfully at Hope.  
"Did you?" She shakes her head, smile plastered on her face. I turn to Steve and James. "She says she didn't do it. Maybe it was Tony."  
"Hey, don't blame me." Tony says from the table. "I am here to update your electronics. Not to be your daughter's scapegoat." I grin at Tony.  
"Wait, where is my shield?" Steve asks. I shrug, and Hope giggles again. Steve sighs. "I'll go check the usual places." He mutters as he exits the kitchen. James and I had moved to a house a few miles away from the Avengers compound, meaning we had constant visitors. Uncle Steve had a constant place on our couch.  
I watch James glance around the kitchen, his eyes landing on Steve's shield on top of the fridge. he raises his eyebrows, and I just smile at him. He sighs, lips twitching into a smile. He walks over, pulling me into a quick kiss.  
This life, this family?  
It was all I needed.


End file.
